AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

[YearsOfLife]

My nephew is 24 and has been working full time for about a year after finishing university. When he first started working full time, my sister was charging him £500 per month to live with her and her partner. She has now told him he needs to pay £800 per month which he isn’t happy about as he is trying to save for a house deposit as well as having other costs and wanting to socialise. He spends a lot of time at work or with his girlfriend and friends so I do think £800 is a lot.

Our children are similar ages and my nephew has asked if he could live with us, paying £400 per month. We are happy for him to live here but it is causing a huge problem with my sister and her partner. They don’t think we should allow him to stay with us.

On the one hand I can see why my sister thinks we shouldn’t get involved, but on the other, he’s our nephew and an adult and if we’re happy for him to live here, he should be able to.

My sister has accused us of trying to make money from him which is untrue as we don’t charge our own children anything to live here and IF we take anything from our nephew, it won’t be £400 per month. This isn’t about money for us. I agree with my nephew that £800 is too much and want him to be able to have a life and save like my own children.

AIBU to say he can live here?

i dont think you should get involved

As a bit of an aside, why is he offering you less than he has already been paying his mum?

How much does he earn?
I think he needs to sort this out with his mum and you should keep out of it.
If he's really not willing to pay it then he should rent somewhere independent from both of you. He's not a child who needs you to white Knight on his behalf.

Unless you’re prepared to lose your relationship with your sister, I’d stay well out of it. He can find a flat share with someone else and not rock the family boat.

Sounds like your sister is trying to make money from him, rather than you! Also sounds like she’s annoyed you’re potentially taking away her income stream.

Agree this hinges on how much he is earning a month. It does seem a bit rich of your sister you accuse you of trying to make money off him. £800 seems like a lot but if he is earning £5000 it would be reasonable 🤷‍♀️

If she wants to charge market rents, then he can play the market.

Ironic she's accusing you of making money from him when she wants to charge £800 a month.

Don't get involved.

If he was in a flat share he'd be paying a lot more.

Maybe your sister needs the money, maybe she's using the rent hike as a way of encouraging his independence, maybe she's saving all his rent money to return to him in the future.

It sounds as if your sister need the money from him?

He asked what we thought would be a reasonable amount to pay if we were to charge our own children and we said a maximum of £400 per month, Most people we know that charge their children think between £200 and £400 per month is fair, so he offered the highest based on what we said. We wouldn’t take £400 per month.

I’d suggest he looks at renting a room in a shared house. I live in an area that is mental money for renting, but a room is less than £800.

I suspect he may be a nightmare to live with and the rent rise was to force him out.

This! 👍

Even if he was earning a lot, I don’t see that as justification to charge him £800 a month.
its one thing covering expenses but you don’t make money from your kids!

My sister has accused us of trying to make money from him

oh and she definitely isn’t?
What a nasty piece of work she is. She wants more from the poor lad to sleep in his childhood bedroom than I pay on my mortgage while he is on a graduate job!

So your sister who wants her son to pay £800 , thinks you would be making money if he paid you £400.
Has your sister given any reasons to her son why he needs to pay her so much?

Yes, if you are happy for your nephew to move in, do that. Your sister just seems to be thinking of the.money.

Can he not find a house share and grow up? £500 is low for a house share with mates but £800 is doable if he can afford that. Who pays a parent £500 anyway, let alone £800! Most do what you did to allow dc to save up.

Initially I thought you were interfering in a family and your offer would be divisive, but your sister is behaving unreasonably. I can see why your nephew isn’t happy. I might offer him a temporary home with you but I imagine your sister won’t be happy so you will have to deal with that.

Out of interest, did your sister help fund her son’s degree ? Does she see rent as payback? I guess it depends what he’s earning too. £100,000 as a junior solicitor in London or is he minimum wage?

That’s hilarious from your sister if your making money from him charging £400
shes by her own admission completely rinsing him charging him £800

If you charge £400 I would put away £200 of that into savings to give back to him once hes secured his own place. Would be a nice nest egg for him to buy bits for his new place. That said why is she charging £800 a month?

I think you should take him in if you think it would work. Why is your sister charging him so much. Is she hard up.

I would let him live with you. Your sister is been ridiculous charging him £800 a month! I would tell sister that you find that amount extreme and you want to help your nephew be able to save etc. I suspect she's annoyed as she'll lose the extra money.

If you feel it's your place to interfere, why don't you have a proper conversation with your sister about it? If you have just offered a place cheaper directly to him I can see why she might feel you're trying to 'steal' him and that's not about the money it's about her son.

If you're not fussed about upsetting your sister and ruining your nephew's relationship with her, go ahead. You can win this argument. But winning the argument probably means losing your sister.

Exactly.
Our DD lived with us for several years after graduating as she was saving hard for a deposit. She insisted on paying rent so we worked out an amount which was a contribution to all bills and a shared of the food shopping. I think it was about £250 per month. Obviously less than a commercial rent but we arebher parents not her landlords and, as you say, you don't look to make money out of your children. She paid her way and did her bit around the house

I sympathise with your nephew but don't think you should get involved, it will cause a rift with your sister.

She is asking too much of her son, £400 a month would be more than adequate. We all know he would be paying a lot more in a house share but the whole point of adult children staying in family home is to save money for a place of their own. It's to help the 'child', not the parents.

Is your sister in difficult financial circumstances or could her partner be the one wanting more?