AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

[YearsOfLife]

My nephew is 24 and has been working full time for about a year after finishing university. When he first started working full time, my sister was charging him £500 per month to live with her and her partner. She has now told him he needs to pay £800 per month which he isn’t happy about as he is trying to save for a house deposit as well as having other costs and wanting to socialise. He spends a lot of time at work or with his girlfriend and friends so I do think £800 is a lot.

Our children are similar ages and my nephew has asked if he could live with us, paying £400 per month. We are happy for him to live here but it is causing a huge problem with my sister and her partner. They don’t think we should allow him to stay with us.

On the one hand I can see why my sister thinks we shouldn’t get involved, but on the other, he’s our nephew and an adult and if we’re happy for him to live here, he should be able to.

My sister has accused us of trying to make money from him which is untrue as we don’t charge our own children anything to live here and IF we take anything from our nephew, it won’t be £400 per month. This isn’t about money for us. I agree with my nephew that £800 is too much and want him to be able to have a life and save like my own children.

AIBU to say he can live here?

Is there any chance that he isnt saving very much at all currently and just spending it, isnt pulling his weight around the house, is being a pain in the arse in general and your sister is doing this to force him to grow up a bit? Just an idea. Would that 800 include food?

How on earth does your sister think she can dictate where a 24 year old lives?
Shes taken the proverbial with the rent increase and is now getting shirty because she’s losing the lot .

Your husband is right. She’s taking the piss. Out of her own child! God knows how she’d treat non family

Ask her for a breakdown of bills to why she thinks £800 is acceptable. That would pay my rent for a 3 bed house and my electric/gas bill with change to spare!!

Is your sister trying to encourage him to spread his wings and get on his feet, is she secretly helping him save for a house deposit, does she need the money, does his girlfriend stay over almost continuously, does he chuck money away on stupid stuff and not save anything, does she think that he doesn't help that much around the house, I think there must be reasons for the rent rise, I would discuss with my sister in a bit more detail before jumping in and offering him half the rent price and also if you do go ahead then I would stipulate some rules and make sure he has a plan to leave or you could end up with a permanent lodger you cant get rid of, does nothing around the house and end up with the girlfriend living there for pretty much free too.

Jesus, he's 24 not 18. He's an adult, he should be paying his way. Maybe your sister needs the money.

My friend is on the bones of her arse with two 'children' still at home contributing nothing age 21 and 24. She desperately wants to downsize but can't because the children would have nowhere to live.

Does your sister have money problems? £800 rent to your own son, who's only 24 is mad. And I totally believe in that earning kids should pay something but that's so steep. I wouldn't want to profit from my own son. No wonder he wants to move out, poor lad.

Don't. It will only be trouble.

No, he’s definitely saving. He’s a good lad, looks after himself, tidies up, does his washing, cooks for them all on the nights he’s home. He became very self sufficient when living away for university. The £800 includes food but he isn’t there that much.

I have the exact same thoughts. The nephews mother is treating his money as an income., & wants to double what he pays. Good little earner for her

How much does he earn? Does your sister provide food? Fancy food? Anyone under 30 is obsessed with protein these days and that can tot up.

It's quite a leap from 500 to 800. Is there a back story to this? Is the rise in proportion to his salary? Is he really saving or is this a ploy to make him spend less on takeaways and going out (she will give him the excess money later on).

Realistically, I don't think you can take in your nephew under these circumstances without it affecting you and your sister's relationship. A 24 year old should understand.

Do it. I’d have my neice in a heartbeat and she’s 24. I would expect her to cover her own food costs and that’s it. His mum is clearly wanting to make money out of him. Shame on her. And it’s nothing to do with what he earns. He’s a loved family member. Help him out and let him save. Good for you.

I’d stay out of it
at some point he has to get used to paying adult level bills and could he actually get a house share for £800 all bills in his area? If not then why shouldn’t his mother charge him market rates?

Hmm currently charging slightly younger DS £150 a month rent which covers his food, washing and room. He's working but it's only just above minimum wage and saving to go travelling as he didn't get a chance to before university. My bills wouldn't change massively if he wasn't here so I see no point in making him save longer. I want him to go and get some life experience before he has to seriously adult because once he's renting and paying bills properly he won't have the chance.
If DSis wants him to leave she can have no say in where he chooses to go. If she thinks that's a fair rent she can get a lodger when he's left.

I would let him stay, your sister has no right to be mad. Does the $800 include food? He probably doesn't living with the partner if they're charging so much.

Could this be coming from your sister’s partner or is this typical behaviour of your sister?

Wow. In greater London you'd be very lucky to get a decent room in a house or flatshare for 800 a month.
And of course food etc and living expenses are extra.
And that's living with unpredictable strangers sharing kitchen and bathroom.
I think it depends on how much he earns.
If he has a very good wage he should pay more and not sponge off relatives.
It is entitled behaviour.

Your sister sounds pretty bonkers. I would guess that £800 is getting on for private rental rates. If that’s what she wants to charge then she could consider a lodger.

I do wonder if she/ the household needs that to cover mortgage etc. If she wanted the lad out then she wouldn’t be mad at you offering a reasonable alternative.
Your nephew should also learn the lesson of not discussing his salary with parents - I learned that one a long long time ago.

If he's cooking for them too it sounds like he's being used at that rate.

I'd let him move in.

If your sister needs the money then she'd be buggered if he chose to move out into a flatshare or buying his own place, so she needs to realise she can't rely on her income from him

You've got a vivid imagination! Why on earth would OP's sister be annoyed with OP for offering her nephew a room in her home if she wanted to force him out.

Sounds like Nephew is playing both of you. He chose to ask you because you don't charge your own kids. More fool you then!

Help your nephew out and enable him to save up, your sister doesn’t like the thought that if you let him move in that her greed becomes more apparent.

If your sister really needs the money - could he live with you and pay you £2-300 which seems to be what you would like and then still give his Mum £200 to help her out
If she doesn’t need the money then it’s harder to work out
DS lives with me whilst saving house deposit - he pays £350 plus does some food shopping

DS26 was here ruth us just over two years ago when 23-4 and he paid us £200 a month.
BIL doesn’t charge DN 25 much more.

Your DSis is trying to exploit her own son as you say he isn’t using vast amounts of power or eating them out of house & home if he’s not there much. I’d call her out on it, tell her what you think of what she’s trying to do, and offer him a room for a fixed period after an initial ‘probation period’. I’d tell him
two years and he should be in his own place.

Her son is an adult. She has no right to interfere in where he chooses to live.