AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

[YearsOfLife]

My nephew is 24 and has been working full time for about a year after finishing university. When he first started working full time, my sister was charging him £500 per month to live with her and her partner. She has now told him he needs to pay £800 per month which he isn’t happy about as he is trying to save for a house deposit as well as having other costs and wanting to socialise. He spends a lot of time at work or with his girlfriend and friends so I do think £800 is a lot.

Our children are similar ages and my nephew has asked if he could live with us, paying £400 per month. We are happy for him to live here but it is causing a huge problem with my sister and her partner. They don’t think we should allow him to stay with us.

On the one hand I can see why my sister thinks we shouldn’t get involved, but on the other, he’s our nephew and an adult and if we’re happy for him to live here, he should be able to.

My sister has accused us of trying to make money from him which is untrue as we don’t charge our own children anything to live here and IF we take anything from our nephew, it won’t be £400 per month. This isn’t about money for us. I agree with my nephew that £800 is too much and want him to be able to have a life and save like my own children.

AIBU to say he can live here?

What was the relationship like with you and your sister beforehand and also what’s her partner like as a person ?

Exactly this!

If he is a good kid, doesn’t cause trouble etc, I would take him in. Up to you whether you would charge rent but I think it’s a nice thing you can do for him. Your sister can get a lodger , if she is that desperate to make money.

I have of course spoken to her about it to say that £800 is very high. She disagrees and won’t budge. I haven’t offered anything to my nephew. He talked to us about whether we thought £800 was fair. I said it seemed on the high side and my husband said she was taking the piss. He has asked if he can live with us and I said I would speak to his mum, which I’ve done. She won’t budge so we are now seriously considering letting him stay with us as we think he’s in the right.

I don’t want to upset the relationship with my sister but my relationship with my nephew is also important. He is a young person asking for help. He is responsible and trying to do the right thing by working hard and saving to get on the housing ladder.

Your sister is being ridiculous

Mumsnet is weird about this issue.

Most posters think it's morally wrong to charge your children rent, even when they're adults in their mid 20s.

But when it's a discussion about inheritance, many posters argue there's nothing wrong with leaving money where you like. And it's completely entitled to expect any money from your parents (even when they are wealthy).

I personally think it's the other way round. People are often tight for money in their life and families may need to club together- especially if they are living together long term. What's wrong with adults contributing? (However people should look out for their family when they die and don't need the money).

With your sister, unless there's a big backstory, I think you should stay out of it.

£800 for your childhood bedroom and no doubt still being treated like a child at home takes the piss.

you can rent some private rooms here for £500-600 with en-suite, bills and wifi.

Your nephew is fortunate to have you and it’s your business if you’re happy to take him in.

I had zero trusted adults when I was a young adult and my life would have been much better if I had other family members to rely on.

your sister sounds awful. Let him move in and contribute to bills and see how it goes.

I’d let him if you have room unless your sis is poor and would struggle with out the money

Don’t let him move in if you want a relationship with your ds. £800 is an awful lot to charge her own son, but maybe she is, as pp suggest, trying to force him out. Some parents might just want their house back!

Your nephew is 24 - a grown adult. His mum should not be telling him where he can and cannot live. If he can find somewhere cheaper than the £800/month she is charging him I say good for him, especially as he is saving for his own place and working full time.

Suspect there is more to this mother - son relationship. Either she and her partner need the money or she is trying to stop him from buying his own place.

I charge my son £300 to cover bills and food, £ 800 is way too much!

Your sister is being greedy and you absolutely should let your nephew stay with you. What sort of mother fleeces their own child?

Doesn’t sound like much to lose. Sister doesn’t sound very nice.

£800 a month. Is she having a laugh! I live in London and my renting days are long over, but around where I live for £800 he could get a one bed with a friend and they use the bedroom and living room as bedrooms and socialise in a sit in kitchen. Not ideal, I know, prices are ridiculous. I’m guessing he could also get a room in a larger house share.

it sounds like your sister is annoyed at losing her income stream. Using your kid as income, rather than them simply covering their share of the bills is awful. That said, I appreciate your nephew wants to save, but this may simply have to take him longer. Being able to save on rent is a nice to have when working, rather than a necessity. It doesn’t sound like him being at home is a good idea, and you have to weigh up the impact on your relationship with your sister if he moves in.

He's 24 and an adult.

Your sister gets precisely no say in where he lives unless she's paying for it, which clearly she isn't.

This isn't a 16 year old where she would actually have the right to have a say on things.

If you're happy to have him live with you and you have the room then you can of course offer it if you want to.

If that was the case, why nastily accuse OP of trying to make money of him, rather than having a quiet word “look, he was a bit of a dick to live with so you might end up regretting this offer”.

Firstly I would like at places like Spareroom.com to see what prices are being charged for a room in a shared house with bills included to see whether your sister is way out of line. Personally I think £800 a month is far too much.

To put it into context Ds pays £215 per week for private halls of residence at university with an en-suite, access to the gym and all the entertainment, table football, pool table, cinema room, games console with games and massive social space to hang out with your mates.

Your nephew is an adult and he can move out any time he likes, his Mum is just pissed she is losing the money. She is making a profit from her son, that isn't money to cover his food and utilities.

If that’s the case, she could let him live with us without arguing about it.

He's 24!!! Send him a link to spareroom

Wow. Undercut your sister? Poach a lodger? And virtue-signal at the same time. Wow. I must say freelancers break each other's legs for that. Wow.

This!
£800 for your own child. She’s played her hand now he’s decided not to take it. That’s her problem.

Fuck me, you get dragged into this world without consent, kicking and screaming all the way, pot luck whether you get loving parents and then when you become an adult, trying to make your way in the world and save for that impossible mortgage your mother decides it's time for you to pay £800 to stay in the family home. The home that should be there for as long as you need it. Shocking!!

I agree that a nominal fee should be paid when your child starts work but £800 is taking the absolute piss!

Imagine your sister trying to rinse her own, albeit adult child like this? £800 is STEEP!