AIBU to let my adult nephew move in after rent rise from my sister?

[YearsOfLife]

My nephew is 24 and has been working full time for about a year after finishing university. When he first started working full time, my sister was charging him £500 per month to live with her and her partner. She has now told him he needs to pay £800 per month which he isn’t happy about as he is trying to save for a house deposit as well as having other costs and wanting to socialise. He spends a lot of time at work or with his girlfriend and friends so I do think £800 is a lot.

Our children are similar ages and my nephew has asked if he could live with us, paying £400 per month. We are happy for him to live here but it is causing a huge problem with my sister and her partner. They don’t think we should allow him to stay with us.

On the one hand I can see why my sister thinks we shouldn’t get involved, but on the other, he’s our nephew and an adult and if we’re happy for him to live here, he should be able to.

My sister has accused us of trying to make money from him which is untrue as we don’t charge our own children anything to live here and IF we take anything from our nephew, it won’t be £400 per month. This isn’t about money for us. I agree with my nephew that £800 is too much and want him to be able to have a life and save like my own children.

AIBU to say he can live here?

Goodness, its hard enough for young ones to try and save up for a home without being treated as a cash cow. £200 to £400 a month would be fair all round I think.

I would welcome him with open arms.

I’d let him, your sister is doing the exact thing she’s accused you of. She’s taking advantage of him, £800 would be way over his fair share she’s using him to subsidise her and her partners income. She's not upset your taking her son she’s upset your taking her meal ticket.

@YearsOfLife how much is the going rate for a room in a shared house?

I live in quite an expensive area but £800 a month would get you a nice double room with ensuite and bills (not food) included. As he is out a lot sounds like he pays for most his own food anyway.

I think your sister is being mean.

My rent on a two bedroom flat is less than that. I did pay £950 a month where I lived before (studio flat) but bills were included, it was close to the town centre, and I had my own little private patio, so worth it.

OP you must have an idea what your sister's finances are like - are her and her OH partners at JP Morgan and charging him to live in a Surrey mansion, or are they on UC and squeezing him into the box room of a flat in Croydon?
Do you think she needs the money?

do you think money is really tight for your sister? If not, I have to admit I’d say to my sister straight out that if I’m making money off him at £400 a month then you’re making over £400 a month PROFIT off your own young son!! You have some nerve accusing me of your crimes here, I just think kids that age deserve a subsidised home from their family, ideally parents but if you’re just here to profit off him then aunts and uncles should step in, you are unbelievable. And offer him a home. I don’t value having a relationship with my sister over letting them exploit their children.

I think that’s a wonderful thing for you to do, please take him in.

I think you should stay out of it. It’s between him and his mum.

You’ve got involved in a way that makes it look like you’re trying to be the ace Aunty and your sister will think you’re trying to make her look bad to her son.

Granted £800 is a lot but you very much look to me that you’ve tried to undercut her to be the favourite and I understand why she’s annoyed.

Leave them to it and don’t have him move in if you want to maintain a relationship with your sister.

If she wants £800 she can rent his room once he's moved out.

I charge my DC keep becuase I don't think it's good for them to live for free, but I'm not making money out of them.

My sister has accused us of trying to make money from him
That's hilarious, coming from someone who increased her own son's rent from £500 to £800 from one day to another. I wouldn't tolerate being accused of this from someone who feels good about robbing her own son like this. She's obviously projecting here. If she wasn't trying to make money from her own son herself, what exactly explains the drastic rent increase?

Your house, your decision. Your nephew is a 24 year old adult man holding down a fulltime time, an independent life and an active social life - your sister has absolutely no business or right to say anything about where he lives. Maybe if she hadn't pushed her own kid away with a £300 rent increase he'd still be living under her roof. But she chose to push the boundaries and see how much money she could extract from her own child, so...he had enough of it. Understandably.

This is a very good point. We don't know why the rent hike. Maybe he is eating the contents of the house, maybe he isn't actually saving anything right now and his mum simply wants to hold extra £500 a month for him while £300 goes to utilities and food.
And to OP's suggestion that she won't even charge him for living with her, how is this in any way appropriate for a 24-y/o to live somewhere without paying at least basic utilities and food? It's not really teaching him much about budgeting and independent living. I shared a house with young women when I was a mature student. They all took daily baths, had heating permanently set on 30 degrees and the oven was going pretty much 24/7. Our bills were horrendous and they seemed to be genuinely surprised at the suggestion that if they feel hot enough to have their window open for the full day in the middle of winter, then it might be worth considering turning the heating down first.

If you’ve got plenty of room and everyone in your house is on board I’d welcome him with an understanding it was for a set period - 2yrs?
Your sister seems grabby, life is very hard financially for young people…money has always flowed downwards in our family and I’d be embarrassed to be taking money from my child unless circumstances were dire. Are you sure she’s not saving the money for him? Although doesn’t seem necessary if you say he is sensible.

I'd stay out of it and consider why your sister might be charging so much. On the surface it is a lot. I think what my kids that age pay would look like a lot but they aren't actually covering their true cost. They are paying for a package that includes all the bills, internet, health insurance, other insurances, their phone plan, streaming services, and much more including pets. They don't have cheap taste in food. It covers fuel, appliances, cleaning products, a dinner each night, most food. They would never get a package like that if they moved out and had to cover it all themselves, and then rent too. It might not be as bad as it seems.

Yes usually when a parent hikes up the rent for an adult child, it's because the adult child is s behaving poorly and the parent wants them to move out.
So buyer beware applies here.

Definitely don't get involved. Way to undermine your sister in her parenting (yes, I'm aware he's 24 before anyone says!)
Just she might be wanting to teach him financial lessons or something.
Either way, stay out of it unless you want resentment and your relationship with her ruining.
What you think is "too much" to be paying is neither here or there as kindly, it's got absolutely nothing to do with you.

I don't really see why you should stay out of it? Maybe if he was still a child yes but as it stands he is an adult that has a relationship with you independently of your sister. Why doesn't she stay out of it?!
Her remark about you wanting to make money from him is her dragging you into it by making it personal so she can get her own (ridiculous) way.
She has the right to charge whatever she wants in her own home, but then blocking him from getting a better offer for himself elsewhere is wrong.
Ensuring his only choices are either her or bleeding money in a house share is just selfish behaviour.
He could live cheaply in a lovely home with people he knows and that care for him, and can save for his future. This is a good thing.

Nooo. It’s not her adult son’s responsibility to prop up his impoverished mum and HER PARTNER!

I’d let the nephew move in. He sounds like a dream lodger.

Loving the naivety of all the people here saying maybe the Mum is holding the money back for him to give when he's left 😂Yeah right, you can tell from her reaction alone to the OP that she is not doing that.

I think the sister wanting to charge her own son £800 a month in rent is doing everything necessary to make herself look bad. Just because he's her son doesn't give her the right to fleece him.

I’d guess that your sister is being pressured by her partner to charge such a ridiculous amount of rent because it is normal to want to support your young person saving up, not to fleece them.

I would absolutely help your nephew in this situation. Better for his aunt to interfere than his Mums partner.

Rent is one thing.
Ripping off your own child saving for a deposit is a real low.

Only on MN.
I wouldn't want to be around a sister who would do that to her child.

Let him stay. Your house, your decision.
Sounds like he could do with some decent family around him.

You seem sure that he is easy to live with.

I think I would let him stay with me for the lower rent. Give him a plan that in reality it would be better for him to be flat sharing alone. He will need to save up for his deposit for the flat share. He can save more if he stays with you short term. How long that short term period is does not have to be in writing.

If your sister is willing to sacrifice her relationship with both of you over your kindness to her son, then what was it built upon?

By charging him £800 it sounds like they are trying to force him out.

Let him stay for £400 a month, I would.

She is being ridiculous and grabby