AIBU to feel unsure about continuing an unexpected third pregnancy?

[Turtleseas]

My husband had some medical treatment which at that time, the doctor said would make most people infertile, we stopped contraception but two years later, I unexpectedly found I’m pregnant. We already have two primary school aged children. I really don’t know if I should carry on with the pregnancy or give it up.

Financially, we are in the process of moving houses. We will spend next three years building our dream house, so the cash flow will be tight for the next couple of years. We will ultimately have enough bedrooms but not for two/three years. We have big enough cars. Both our children go to private school, but we don’t think we can afford the third child’s school fees. DH suggested taking children out of private school and send all three to state school if we have the third baby, I feel very reluctant about that.

Travel is another thing. We go travel a lot, normally a luxury holiday every year and then several package holidays. Annual travel cost is about 40k to 50k. As a lot of hotel rooms don’t accommodate 2 adults 3 children, having a third baby means booking an extra room or suite. The travel cost will at be doubled, we will need to either book cheaper holidays or have less holidays.

We have almost zero family help. So previously we paid for nannies and babysitters to go through the difficult baby times. With a new baby, we will need some form of paid help to start with, but my main worry is once baby turn two and has his/her own needs, we just won’t have enough helping hands to sort out all the logistics.

We do spend a lot of time with our children. One of them needs some extra support. At the moment we can still handle all the bills from doctor appointments and therapy sessions. NHS waiting time is like one year and they won’t provide therapies to kids who go to independent school. So we have to pick up expensive bills. At home support is also very important apart from specialist therapies. So I also worry with a new baby we won’t have enough time and energy for my current children. Or even worse, what if the new baby also had special needs?

So sensibly we feel our current family is complete. The children live a happy and luxury life. Having another sibling might mean less going out, less holidays, less attention from parents or even changing schools for them. But termination is also the most difficult decision that a woman could ever make.

I’m late to the thread but I can’t get past a luxury holiday and several package holidays a year at 50k !!!

I know I’m missing the point.
Cut out the holidays you could afford educate the third one privately I’m sure!

You aren't pro-choice if you judge women for the reasons for their abortions.

The world doesn't need more children. If someone feels they can offer their existing family a better life without one more kid, that is an entirely legitimate decision.

Not to mention, of course, that people's financial circumstances can change. 3 mouths when you are unemployed is a lot more than 2.

I believe the only reason a women should have an abortion is when she doesn't want a baby.
Do you want another baby?
If so thats ok you and dh can make it work.
If not thats ok you dont have to have another baby.

Good luck

They don't want to cut the holidays out though. And that's fine.

Fine, it doesn’t have to be a big moral drama. But stop pretending this is about not being able to afford another child.
They’ve got two kids in private school, expensive holidays, a dream house on the go, and paid help. That’s not hardship. That’s choosing not to take a hit to their lifestyle.
Just say she don’t want to adjust. That’s honest. Claiming she “can’t” is not

No one’s saying she’s done anything wrong by wanting to keep her lifestyle.
The point is she can afford another child, she just doesn’t want the trade offs. That’s fine. Just say that instead of making it sound like she’s hard up.

And if you get pregnant you shouldn't be forced to keep it as sone kind of sick punishment

She didn’t say that another child would plunge them into poverty, she said they couldn’t afford another child and their current lifestyle. What’s the issue with that?

Where has she said she can't afford one?
She's said she doesn't think they can maintain their current lifestyle. She isn't pleading poverty, she's been totally upfront.

I think people just can't handle the numbers

This is the second abortion post recently. The frothing that they have caused has been quite something.

OP, whatever your reasons you are 100% entitled to them.
I wouldn't dream of going back to the baby stage once my children were in primary.

Listen to your hesitation, I think you are done.
Nothing wrong with knowing you are done.

Once I knew my family was complete (I have two), i couldn't have been persuaded to have another for anything.

I just didn't want a third. And thats fine.

It doesn't matter whether people on here think the OP's lifestyle could stand downsizing. That's irrelevant. They have the lifestyle they do by design not accident.

She's not obliged to continue with a pregnancy she doesn't want.

I don't think you are giving your children credit here. Most kids would be happy on a camping holiday. Anything new is exciting. I doubt they would even notice that much if your holidays changed slightly. Although I've read your OP and it sounds to me like you have made your mind up and you have a lot of valid reasons for not proceeding. If you already have one child who has additional needs that is a lot OP. The other thing that popped into my head and apologies if its been brought up later in the thread. Are you sure the treatment your husband had (especially if it was supposed to make him infertile) hasn't affected his sperm in any way? I would check with the consultant he saw. I only say it because my oldest was born with a congenital limb defect and the geneticist suggested my husband's previous treatment could have been a factor in the defect. We weren't planning on children when he was taking the medication but got caught out. I didn't know about the medication until afterwards when our son was born. He stopped taking it shortly before I got pregnant.