AIBU to feel unsure about continuing an unexpected third pregnancy?

[Turtleseas]

My husband had some medical treatment which at that time, the doctor said would make most people infertile, we stopped contraception but two years later, I unexpectedly found I’m pregnant. We already have two primary school aged children. I really don’t know if I should carry on with the pregnancy or give it up.

Financially, we are in the process of moving houses. We will spend next three years building our dream house, so the cash flow will be tight for the next couple of years. We will ultimately have enough bedrooms but not for two/three years. We have big enough cars. Both our children go to private school, but we don’t think we can afford the third child’s school fees. DH suggested taking children out of private school and send all three to state school if we have the third baby, I feel very reluctant about that.

Travel is another thing. We go travel a lot, normally a luxury holiday every year and then several package holidays. Annual travel cost is about 40k to 50k. As a lot of hotel rooms don’t accommodate 2 adults 3 children, having a third baby means booking an extra room or suite. The travel cost will at be doubled, we will need to either book cheaper holidays or have less holidays.

We have almost zero family help. So previously we paid for nannies and babysitters to go through the difficult baby times. With a new baby, we will need some form of paid help to start with, but my main worry is once baby turn two and has his/her own needs, we just won’t have enough helping hands to sort out all the logistics.

We do spend a lot of time with our children. One of them needs some extra support. At the moment we can still handle all the bills from doctor appointments and therapy sessions. NHS waiting time is like one year and they won’t provide therapies to kids who go to independent school. So we have to pick up expensive bills. At home support is also very important apart from specialist therapies. So I also worry with a new baby we won’t have enough time and energy for my current children. Or even worse, what if the new baby also had special needs?

So sensibly we feel our current family is complete. The children live a happy and luxury life. Having another sibling might mean less going out, less holidays, less attention from parents or even changing schools for them. But termination is also the most difficult decision that a woman could ever make.

It isn't a baby. Did you not do biology at school?

I’m a doctor

Thanks. I always appreciate the recognition of my attributes ☺️

I hope you're kinder to your patients.

Abortions for any reason at any time.

Lol.

There's really no other response available.

It's not an actual baby, which you know.
Any woman can terminate any pregnancy for any reason.

No you're not.

I aborted even though I could go on one. What about it?

I wonder what the MN mods are doing.

You and I both know that's a lie. You forget your posting history.

It’s dreadful to think that someone would terminate a child just because it might interfere with their numerous £50000 holidays and private school fees.
it’s just astounding!!

Fuck all.

Why are you pretending to be something you're not?

Not a child. A Zygote.

I don't think anyone can make a decision like this for you.

I can't validate your decision or your reasons because that just can't be done by anyone else.

On a personal level, I would not consider luxury holidays important but I'm not you and don't know what it means to you. Again on a personal level, I would think carefully about the reality of having another child with additional needs and how everyone's needs will be meet in the event that the condition affecting one of the children is hereditary.

At the end of the day, you have to be happy with the decision.

Maybe she doesn't want to

What's the matter with people on here? Thought all these so called " educated" women wouldn't be calling nanes at people as they are thinking of terminating an unexpected pregnancy. And all this shite about a " miracle child" FFS

Of what? Clearly not medicine.

😂😂😂👏🏼 love it

Thanks for all the responses. It seems a lot of people are quoting the “50k holiday”, I just want to explain the financial situation a bit more. All our financial plan was based on two kids. As they grow older, their school fees will be a lot more expensive, so we will have to spend less on holidays anyway. It’s kind of like a financial buffer. Also, holidays are not commitment, if we are tight one year, then we don’t need to spend as much. But sending a third child to private school is commitment, maybe if we stretch out, we can afford that, but if anything goes wrong, then we will need to considering pulling kids out of private schools.
At the moment, the school has been very supportive for DC2, moving him to state school can be challenging, I’d rather homeschooling than having him in state school.
The grandparents live overseas and they can’t visit us for various reasons. If we go business class, long haul flights is about 2k to 2.5k per person. Then various holidays through the year, the figure just adds up that much. When we go on the luxury holiday, we normally stay in one bedroom villa, there’s plenty space, although kids didn’t have their own bedrooms, they are quite separate from us. Bringing third child means upgrade to the two bedroom villa, and the cost is more than double. But I do admit, I didn’t consider once children turn 12, they will be considered as adults, and by then we do need to explore cheaper options.
If money wasn’t the question, I still wonder how doable to have three kids without family help. At the moment, we are having a lot of 121 time with DC. A few years ago, I met someone with 4 kids under 10, it was her oldest 10th birthday, and the little girl’s birthday wish was going out for dinner with her mum, just them two, without any siblings. At that moment, I decide I would want my kids have a lot of attention from their parents. Although people say you will just have more love to share when you have more children, but time and energy is limited, I wonder how will the family dynamics change when there’s a new baby in the house.

You have a wildly wrong view of state schools!!

When we go on the luxury holiday, we normally stay in one bedroom villa, there’s plenty space, although kids didn’t have their own bedrooms, they are quite separate from us. Bringing third child means upgrade to the two bedroom villa

That’s not the case though, unless you always go to a very specific place. Ikos, for example, their one bedroom villas sleep 5 so the room cost is almost the same. In fact, this is the case for almost all the rooms with separate living rooms at high end hotels. I know this because we also like our holidays and it was a factor when we were weighing up if we’d have a third.

You really are a nasty piece of work