Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

[oppositehearts]

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

My DH and I don't drink (any more) and have hosted Christmas a few times since quitting. We tell our guests they can drink but they bring their own. It depends on how your hosts feel really. I'd check with them and if you don't like the answer, you clear off early to go and have a drink!

I’m teetotal. If people want to bring bottles with them when I’m hosting, that’s fine with me.

I would bring any alcohol i wanted and would not feel in the slightest uncomfortable about it.

As someone who doesn't drink for my own personal reasons, I keep a dry house. I've had people push boundaries before so now I simply have a zero tolerance policy. If my own parent pushed that boundary I'd be quite upset and I'd be quite sad that they would consider my company so boring as to need to drink or stay home.

Maybe such an attitude is why your son doesn't drink.

I'd find it weird that you think wanting a celebratory drink on Christmas Day indicates that someone can't manage a single meal without drinking.

OP, you just need to ask your son, that's all. Nobody here can tell you whether your son and his girlfriend have a deep-seated aversion to other people drinking alcohol in their home.

If it's only because they're gym hounds and into fitness, then I'd definitely take a tipple. I'd only abstain if they were recovering alcoholics or they found it deeply offensive for, say, religious reasons. Otherwise it's completely normal to have a drink at Christmas and I'm quite surprised your son hasn't told you to bring your own booze. He must know you both like a drink on Christmas Day. So do I, it's hardly unusual.

It's weird to be bored without alcohol, especially when with favourite people.

I never said anyone was alcoholic. I meant they are dependent on a drink to enjoy themselves.

Their drinking isn't affecting me and I never suggested it was. I wouldn't care if someone was drinking unless they're an arse when drinking and think it's weird this is an issue in the family.

I don’t drink and wouldn’t think twice if someone brought alcohol round for themselves to drink. It’s their preference. The only time would be if there’s a strong moral issue like someone used to be an alcoholic or something like that, but sounds like that’s not the case. Therefore, I’d press on!

Yes but presumably not because you'd be bored without it.

Loads of people look forward to something, that's not the same as being bored without it.

You don't just 'turn up' with alcohol if you know the hosts don't provide it. Would you show up with a cooked roast 'unannounced' if you knew your hosts were veggie or vegan? Would you bring a bag of nuts to a nut allergy household? I'd find doing any of that to be rude. Especially since you may not know the real reason why your DS and his GF don't drink.

Why don't you just ask them if they object? Is it because if they say 'no' then you won't be able to bring it and 'act surprised' if they aren't happy about it or ask you to put it back in the car?

I've had 'wet' and 'dry' Xmases, there's no difference.

Surely your ds knows you drink, and he’d have specifically said if he didn’t want you drinking?

Have you answered anywhere your son’s reasons for not drinking? If he’s had huge battles with alcoholism, then I wouldn’t. If he just doesn’t like the taste, then I wouldn’t think anything of bringing some wine and he probably would get some in anyway knowing you are coming.

I presume you know each other very well and can just have a conversation about this though 😂

That's pretty much what I said up thread. He's bound to know his parents like a drink on Christmas Day, he's spent at least 20 odd years of his life with them! If that was me (and I felt that strongly about it) I'd ask them politely to abstain, or wouldn't invite them.

Depends if it was for religious observation or if they’d had past struggles or bad experiences with alcohol I would respect that. If not, I’d ask if I can bring some alcohol and maybe some alcohol free fizz so they could enjoy a moment. I’d probably feel a bit odd and it would put me off drinking a lot.

This is so unnecessary. Why be so horrible on a thread like this?

I find this thread very odd and I’m sure some posters are being passively aggressively obtuse, can anyone really get to adult hood and be so socially isolated that they don’t understand why people drink socially?

Why don’t they drink? If it’s for moral or past alcoholism reasons, I wouldn’t expect them to be pleased with you drinking in their house.

If they just don’t drink themselves but have no issues with others doing it, I’d go ahead. I don’t drink, but it wouldn’t cross my mind that others wouldn’t bring some with them to Christmas. I usually offer to get people’s preferred drinks in for others when I’m hosting.

I used to drink socially (don't bother any more) and so I do understand it. What I find odd is that, if this man can't have an alcoholic drink, he's apparently going to be devastatingly bored.

Well of course, but it’s natural to assume OP knows whether her son has adopted a new religion.
In the absence of that info, we can assume it’s a far less sensitive position.

I don’t drink and id find it weird you couldn’t go one meal without alcohol

I go every meal and every day of the year at home without alcohol - I do like to have drinks on Christmas Day though and would disappointed not to have Bucks Fizz and wine.

Drinking is fun - of course it is, humans, even animals, have made grog and enjoyed the feeling for Millenia. Look at pubs, the wine industry, night life, booze cruises etc. those who think enjoying alcohol is unusual, weird, signs of dependency or a moral failure must not have met many people.

Yes, it's not healthy, addiction/dependence is a huge problem and drunk behaviour can be problematic. But most people who drink, enjoy the physical effects, the taste and the sense of occasion. It does enhance good times because of the physical depression of your system - if you don't like that feeling or chose not to drink, fine, but pretending to not understand the appeal of alcohol to other people makes you look ridiculous - try looking at the wide world, many humans love it. They can go without easily but "vices" can be fun and tasty!

I don't drink anymore due to the calories and the hangovers but I've had awesome times drinking - bonding, laughing, being silly - am I a defective human because it helped with relaxation, enjoyment and confidence at various occasions...probably yes, but so what - I enjoyed it and any other ways to give the same effect (a different childhood, support, therapy, a different personality etc.) were not available!

If it didn't give you those lovely feelings, no one would bother with it so trying to make out enjoying alcohol is completely alien and incomprehensible is disingenuous and cringeworthy.

My old horse bloody loved a beer each night in his senior years (vet advised) - should have signed him up for AA.

Fgs it’s your SON. Just talk to him.

Turning up with alcohol because you suspect they would say NO and therefore putting them in a situation where they either had to say ‘sorry, no alcohol in this house’ or them having to put up with somethimg they aren’t happy with is shitty behaviour from your dh tbh.

Just ask.
Like ‘I know you don’t normally drink alcohol. Would it be ok if we bring a bottle of wine to go with the meal?’
it’s really not hard.
Imposing your wishes will just make everything extremely awkward first everyone.

As for would I have an issue with people drinking when I’m not. No I don’t care. Each for their own etc…

Id also question tge idea your dh would be bored spending Christmas with his son wo getting bored. That’s not a healthy use of alcohol.

For the reasons you outlined for them not drinking it seems fine to take some with you.
i know someone 20+ years into sobriety and they always offer alcohol for a party etc at their house despite not drinking it so I’d feel comfortable taking some there. I know someone else less than 1 year into sobriety and would absolutely not turn up with alcohol at their house.
I don’t really drink (I’m not tee total but I probably have a drink once a month so just a rare indulgence) but always provide a full bar here when hosting, beers, wine, spirits. I just don’t drink much because i get bad hangxiety now so when i do drink i stick strictly to a maximum of 2 drinks! So no damaging or moral or ethical objections to it being consumed in front of me if I’m abstaining that evening.

Fair enough but STILL…..when it’s your own son, surely it’s safe enough to enquire about flexibility on Christmas Day.
Indeed, if DS was brought up with the usual type of festive Christmas, (hic!) and there’s been no alcohol-related news, chat or discussion in the interim until this invitation, I’d go so far as to say it was inconsiderate of him not to mention a ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ re Christmas booze at all. He has left his mum in an awkward position.

If they don’t drink for no other reason than they are into fitness then yes, I would take it with me. And, as a host, they ought to provide it. I’m not a vegetarian but I cater for them when I host, I despise sprouts but I make them for everyone else on Christmas Day, what is the difference?