AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

When you say you need to leave the dog in the garden when you visit - why are you taking your dog to her house at all? Can't it stay at home? Your daughters have no right to be annoyed about it either.

I'm sorry about your relative. Do your daughters have partners who can help? Or have you friends you could ask?

‘No’ as a full and final response sounds unnecessarily blunt to me, but to each their own.

If you don't want to put the dog in kennels, hire someone to come in twice a day to feed and walk your dog. There are plenty of people who do that for a living, just google or ask at your local vet surgery, they will have business cards. It's really not that difficult.

Letting her lock your dog out in the garden in all weather is terrible enough—grow a backbone and stop taking your dog there in the first place. Expecting her to babysit when she openly detests dogs is madness. Why would you subject your dog to that? Pay for a professional boarder.

Well quite.

I mean all Op's adult kids are working but because he's abroad he's given a pass & his wife should do it?

I’m too cross about the overriding feeling of ‘women’s work’ from the op to comment. Can’t stand misogyny

Why would you want your dog to stay with someone who doesn't like dogs?

I like dogs and often dog sit for my dad, but I don’t particularly love having his dog in my house. I do it because my dad having the dog is good for him (gets him walking and keeps him entertained), but I wouldn’t do it for anyone else. You’re being unreasonable.

YANBU.

People who don’t like dogs are dicks. Almost without exception.

You are being incredibly unreasonable. I also don’t think in-laws automatically become family unless you click and have respect and trust both ways. You and your daughters clearly have no respect for her to bitch about her not having your dog in her house so I can understand her not putting herself out for you, I wouldn’t either. That other thread you said this was DS2 so where is DS1 and can he help? Also in an emergency DDs could ask dispensation to wfh or take leave - they could split it. Or you or DH stay home with the dog or find somewhere to stay near sick relative where you can take it.

Dogs are cunts.

Not her problem.

Hmm, no.

People who think everyone should like dogs because they do are dicks.

This with bells on

You know you’re being massively unreasonable and I say that as a dog owner.
Why insist on taking your dog with you when you visit your Son/DIL when you know it’s not welcome in the house?!
You should leave it at home when visiting places/people who don’t want to be near them.
My sister doesn’t particularly like dogs, when I go over to hers for dinner my dogs stay at home!
You need to phone and book a kennels or dog boarder instead of moaning about your DIL..
Your dog is your problem and shouldn’t be foisted onto someone else especially when that person has made it very clear they don’t like dogs.
I’ve been in your shoes and booked mine in for a short kennel stay, yes I felt sorry for them having to go to one but I needed someone to take them at very short notice, they coped pretty well despite one being a nervous rescue dog.

Absolutely this.

Sorry you are in a stressful and upsetting situation with your relative.

But honestly, your poor DIL

my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand

Except you don’t. You take the dog with you to their house. You consider it problematic that the dog has to stay in the garden, and your DD’s are annoyed with her because if it.

And now , even though the family disrespect her reluctance to have your pet in her house and gang up on her over it, you want her to look after it while your Ds is absent.

What about your Sons in Law?

If you have a dog you have to have a proper contingency for it being cared for that doesn’t involve bitching about your DIL.

I hope you can find a suitable pet sitter or kennels or doggy friend in time.

Typical MIL behaviour always the DIL in the wrong

Use a kennel or pay for a dog sitter. Start ringing round now.

some people don’t like dogs - that’s okay and you are completely unreasonable to expect this.

It is. But the next time DIL wants something from you op? You don’t do it. It really is that simple, after all, no one needs to do something they don’t want to or don’t like, do they?

Totally agree with this!

One of my very best buddies has and loves dogs and completely respects my not liking dogs!

While I completely respect her and her love for her dogs.

Anyone who can't respect other people's needs, are the dicks...

”Does’t like dogs” usually means someone who hasn’t grown up with dogs, someone who has absolutely no idea what looking after a dog entails AND is usually very nervous around them. Why on earth would you inflict that on your dog?!! You aren’t thinking rationally, this is nothing to do with your daughter in law.

YANBVU

She doesn’t like dogs. Why on earth would she look after one?

I wouldn’t be looking after someone else’s dog in any circumstances. Their kids, yes if it was an emergency. But having someone else’s dog is just a much bigger ask if they’re not a dog person so would get no joy in it.

I do also agree with those saying it sounds like you view it as “women’s work” that she ought to do.

When you have pets you need to have plans for when things go wrong. This vould include paying for kennels or a dog walker. Your dog is not your childrens or your in-laws responsibility. You are lucky some of them will.

this is SO unreasonable. You sound like you are looking for reasons to be cross with your DIL.

Sorry back from dinner, I wasn’t expecting so many posts. As I said I know i can’t expect her to look after the dog but it’s a stressful and emotional time and I’m feeling quite fragile at the moment.

We do have several pet sitters that we use regularly but none of them are free at such short notice.

Thankfully it looks like one of my friends might be able to step in and help.