AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Agree.

Why doesn't the dog go to a person who looks after a small number of dogs (1 or 2) at a time?

I find it odd you even asked her when “our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal”… it seems to me she’s made it quite clear over the years she doesn’t want a dog in her house so surely this is no surprise?

Kindly, yes, you're being really, really, really unreasonable.

You can't decide to get a dog and then get mad when other people won't be responsible for it. There are kennels, you can ask friends or other family members...you have options. Your daughter-in-law just isn't one of them. She doesn't like dogs, so I don't understand why you even bothered asking her.

I really like dogs, but I wouldn't have a dog in my home either. It's a huge responsbility (walking them several times a day, play with them, feeding them, keep an eye on them, plan your entire day around them, etc.) that I'm not prepared to take on - plus, I don't want dog hairs and drool all over my furniture and carpets. Nor the smell.

You need to put your dog in a kennel if no one else can look after it. It's not ideal, but it is what it is. Please don't be upset with your daughter-in-law.

I understand both sides, and I am a dog person.

I think the breed will make a big difference to my actual answer.

If it's a cockapoo, yes it's a bit mean not to offer some emergency help in these circumstances.
if it's a Rottweiler, while they are generally sweethearts, they are intimidating and very strong so I can't blame someone who hates dog to not be comfortable handling them.

I do like dogs.

Doesn't mean I want to look after other people's though-even if I can.

This. I quite like some dogs. I do not want a dog in my home. At all. Ever. I have LOTS of friends with dogs and they do not bring their dogs to my home ever because they know I don’t like having a dog inside.

In an emergency I’d be more than happy to go to THEIR houses and help with their dogs but not in my house. Ever.

None of my friends ask twice about bringing their dog to my home. Why do you bring your dog to your DIL’s house? I wouldn’t even want a dog in my garden! Because it’s MY garden and I choose NOT to have a dog and I don’t want it to wee and poo and walk about over things.

(I really don’t hate dogs and I’m genuinely fond of a few but I don’t want them in my home or car or garden. Ever.)

Glad you’ve got the dog sorted.
Going forward when things are more back to normal I would really suggest looking at how you interact with your DIL…
You and your DD sound like you give her a bit of a hard time and if you treat/speak about her in real life to others how you have here, I’m glad you’re not my MIL…
Leave the dog at home when you visit her house in future, it’s really disrespectful to take a dog to their home knowing how she feels about them.

Absolutely. I like dogs but my world does not revolve around them like some people

Would the dog even be safe with your DIL. I'm not saying she would harm him but if she's not used to dogs would she be able to safely walk it, would she be aware to keep certain things away. She's not an appropriate person simply from an obvious lack of knowledge.

I think the breed will make a big difference to my actual answer.

While it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference to me. A dog is a dog and I wont have one in my home.

If she doesn’t like dogs and has no experience of them, she’s really not a good choice to care for one anyway, even if she’d volunteered for the job. She’d get it wrong and it would be stressful for her and the animal.

It being a stressful time doesn't make your dog her problem though. It's a huge ask tbh. I can't have a dog where I live but even if I could I wouldn't want to deal with the mess, fur etc. I certainly don't want to be picking up someone else's dog's poo.

I'd happily help out with children or whatever but not pets. If you have a pet you should be prepared for all eventualities. You should have the means to pay for emergency care/kennels etc. If you don't then it's unwise to have a dog.

I have never had a dog I wouldn’t know what to do. I would hate to pick up their poo 🤮. It’s like giving a new born to a child free man.

Your DIL isn’t adding to your stress OP - she hasn’t done anything! It’s your lack of sitter for your dog that is causing you stress which your DIL has nothing to do with. She has been clear and consistent - she is not going to provide care for your dog. Don’t scapegoat your DIL for your current predicament.

Why would you want your dog to stay with someone who 1)doesn't like it 2)is a dick in your eyes?

"Thankfully it looks like one of my friends might be able to step in and help."

There you go. Ideal solution. It really isn't on to get annoyed at your dil. She doesn't like dogs so she's simply not an option.

I wouldn’t look after someone’s dog. I don’t like dogs and am scared of them. I wouldn’t have a dog in the house.

If your daughters like dogs they can have it, if it's alone during the day well lots of dogs are. Better than being with someone who doesn't like dogs and would presumably leave it outside all the time if she would have it at all.

Exactly this!
I don't like cleaning but would do it for my parents if they got ill and couldn't do it.
I don't like noisy toddlers but would look after my nephew in an emergency.

It's not about being a dog lover it's about being kind to family in need.

I don’t like dogs and there’s not a chance I would have one in my house for any reason. Surely there’s kennels? Why on earth do you think she should accept the dog being in her house when you visit? Leave the dog at home? Put it in kennels? No one should have to be inconvenienced or put out because of your dog. I’m so sorry about your ill relative but your dog isn’t her problem unfortunately.

Yes, very irresponsible attitude.

Doesn’t matter what frankenstein freak breed it is, if you don’t like shitehounds, you don’t like shitehounds.

I'm with you OP. I find it weird to not be willing to help a family member or a friend in need.
I'm not fond of kids but would look after my friends' kids in a heartbeat if they were facing an emergency.
I don't really like carrying heavy boxes around, but I'm always happy to give a hand to someone who needs help moving houses.

Now, if I'm honest, I'd hate my dog to stay with someone who doesn't like them, so I'd be looking for an alternative solution. Hope you find someone soon OP.