AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

I think people who have dogs don’t understand the strength of feeling for those of us who don’t want to be around them.

It’s not like looking after a piece of furniture. They’re smelly, noisy, they shed fur, they’re unpredictable, they can be scary. They move around and they shit and piss. It doesn’t matter how ‘emotionally fragile’ you are, you would be making your DIL emotionally fragile to have that nonsense in her house.

I feel sorry for her. You and your dds bitching about her over her not wanting to be around the dog. Funny how it’s all about the animal, but you don’t sound like a very nice family to her.

YABU. And rude - stop taking the dog to her house, then she won’t have to ask you to leave it in the garden.

I happily went and fed my neighbours guinea pigs and changed another ones cat litter and fed their two cats for the occasional weeks holiday. Took ten minutes from my day and was no skin off my nose as it’s what good neighbours do for each other.

Dogs are different. We have a dog and DH now retired is on standby to help some friends move house, they live a distance away so he would need to stay over for 1-2 nights. If it’s when I am working out of the house Wed- Fri I have asked him to arrange rookiedog to go to our dog sitter as dog needs 2-3 walks per day of around 1.5-2 hrs in total and shouldn’t be left alone for long periods. In truth our dog is 8.5 years so would probably be ok with a couple of days on his own and could possibly round up a neighbour to walk him, but it’s a big chunk of time and would mean me scheduling everything around him, which I will do if I have to because ultimately it’s our dog.

Your DIL doesn’t like dogs and doesn’t own one for that reason, very unreasonable to ask her glad you got something else sorted.

It isn't really about liking or disliking dogs. Or about particular breeds or kennels or sitters or why both OP and her partner have to visit the relative.

It's about OP's annoyance at a DIL that doesn't know her place and do as she's told.

Could you ask your DIL to visit your home to feed your dog?
Woud she allow you to put a large cage and kennel in her yard for a week or two due to the exceptional circumstaces?

Otherwise visit her and ask if she would advertise on your local community facebook page for a dog lover near by who would be happy to care for dog, or house sit, while you are called away.

I suspect that's a rehoming kennels not a boarding kennels. Rehoming ones have been overrun and do tend to have waiting lists. Boarding kennels will have available dates or not. It's the difference between emergency housing and booking a hotel (even in emergencies)

“And cockapoo was to illustrate that they are not scary”

who are you to define what people find scary? I find all dogs unpleasant and intimidating to be around, including the several cockapoos I know.
One cockapoo I actually do find scary - it’s massive (parent was a v large poodle apparently), it barks loudly all the time and jumps up a lot. Before you tell me that’s down to the owners - that is irrelevant to the fact that I find it scary.

I don't want to be around them and I also would be completely clueless about how to take care of one or how to interpret their behaviour.

Dog people really overestimate how much non-dog people know about dogs.

If that's all that's needed the daughters could do it. But seriously you can't leave a dog alone for a week with someone going in twice a day they way you can with other animals. It would be cruel.

For people think that OP is not being unreasonable: imagine someone dropped a massive snake at your doorstep and insisted you take it in and take care of it.

This snake is super needy, it regularly needs petting and affection despite you being petrified of it. You can't stick it in a cage 24/7, it is to have free range of your house.

The owner claims it's completely harmless, and just wants to play as it slithers against you.

Sorry you think it’s the dil responsibility to advertise for and organise ops dog sitter?!

Sorry you're going through a hard time. I get why you're upset but your DIL is not being unreasonable. It is your dog, so you have to find a resolution that isn't your DIL.

Exactly! Apart from the one that jumped up and scratched me there’s another cockapoo owned by another neighbour whose dog that always lunges and barks at anyone who moves.

And the owner seems offended when I give them a wide berth. But if I didn’t move away and it bit me I’d probably get the blame of it for not “reading the signs” and getting out the way.

Yeah that's not fair to the dog. If there genuinely were no care option for the dog other than someone popping in twice a day, whichever person isn't related to the sick family member would have to stay at home.

I like snakes, I would happily look after it! But a dog? Absolutely no way. I hate the smelly, slobbery, yappy, jumpy, needy, annoying things with an absolute passion. There is no way in a million years would I have one in my house. But many dog owners do not seem to get it at all. I hate them with a passion too.

Very good point - although maybe the person at the other end doesn't like dogs, in which case its a double standard to expect DIL to look after it!

Sorry how is this the DIL's responsibility. Her DH is abroad and she has young children. Let your daughters do it when they have stopped bitching.about her.

It may be a stressful and emotional time but you are still unreasonable. Your entitlement came way before this upsetting time that we can see from what you’ve wrote.

I would also be much more willing to look after a snake - it just sits in its tank and you throw it a frozen mouse every so often. I wouldn’t be thrilled about the idea but I could probably manage it to help someone out

Oh I’m dealing with a very close member that doesn’t believe in kennelling their dog! Sorry what? In which case you simply cannot work out of the house for long amounts of time or go on holiday overnight trips together without expecting family members to do something for you because they love you even though they simply do not want to then can you? Except they do and seem determined to continue to do so and they seem okay with that. It’s bonkers to me. What can you do? These things actually seem really trivial but this woman will ruin her relationship with her son if she continues this ridiculous charade.

i would consider rehoming the dog if you’re too unwell to look after it, as painful as that is isn’t it better to be with a family who can properly care for it?

If anyone should be asked to visit Ops home to feed the dog it should be the daughters. I think considering OP takes her dog to her DIL home where she knows the dog isn’t welcome to begin with but disregards that anyway, she won’t want to have her dog in a crate for a week or two in a garden.
Luckily it sounds like OP is sorted but it’s certainly not her DIL responsibility to ask online for a dog sitter, OP could do that (it’s her dog)

Re read the post

Rehoming a dog because you have a dog-sitting emergency? Seriously?
Let's put it to sleep while we're here.

I think DIL is good to allow the dog in her garden - I wouldn't .

Oh yeah it’s their relative that’s ill not them just re read it 😂