AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Everyone has their issues. Now you know. Never try to make this demand of her again.

I'm glad I only read the OP's posts in this rage bait-y thread.

If you can’t get a dogsitter, then one of you has to stay at home to look after your dog while the one whose relation is ill goes to help them.

Not liking dogs and not wanting one in my home, not wanting to to look after one doesn’t make me or the person you originally quoted “hateful”. It just means that we don’t like dogs (for whatever reason)
Just like everyone likes/doesnt like all sorts of things. Eg walking in the rain vs sunshine. Reading book vs not being a reader. Gym bunny vs couch potato. Being different is what makes us human.
You’d be happy to look after someone’s dog. Others wouldn’t which is a perfectly valid choice. Not hateful.

You should stop thinking of other people as staff. Your DIL's decision to be a housewife is a matter between her and your son. It does not mean she is available to take on pet care and other duties for the entire extended family.

Kennels isn't for emergencies though. I've literally just googled and my local one's waiting list is currently almost 6 weeks.

I've never researched kennels myself, why would I when I have absolutely no need to use one, never have and my dog is almost 11. I am not against them at all but they're not suitable for all dogs, training or no training.

She's perfectly entitled to not want to look after your dog so you need to just accept it and not feel upset or cross with her. Would you want to look after someone's tarantula, for example?

Glad you found someone who could help. Dogs are lovely but a big responsibility.

You are being entirely unreasonable. Your daughter in law has made it very clear how she feels. Your dog, your responsibility. Either take your dog with you, put it in kennels or pay someone to look after it. Whatever the case, it’s your issue, not you DIL’s responsibility. I feel sorry for her having to put up with pressure from you.

To be honest it’s weird you even want her to. She’s not a dog person, I’m not a dog person either - I’m allergic anyway but quite frankly I despise them. Someone once asked me if I could let their dog out. The answer was no, partly because of my allergy but also because I have no flipping clue want to do with the thing. I don’t know how to call it back, how to get it to do anything, how to interact with it. It wouldn’t be safe and it would be stressful for me and the dog. Your DIL is probably the same. Why would you want someone with no dog experience to look after your dog? Get a sitter or put in kennels.

maybe the OP doesn't want the expense.

She has a dog and no-one to look after it. Maybe she doesn't have a choice? Or one of them has to stay home with the dog?

You know your Dil doesn't like dogs yet to take them to her house anyway. This is very unfair on your Dil and your dogs who have to stay in the garden. Why don't you just leave them at home? Now you expect your Dil to care for the dogs breaking her own boundary of not having them in her home. You need to either find a dog sitter who will stay at your home, put them into a kennel if you can find one at short notice. You may be able to because it's Autumn now. In smeer they are always full. Your other option is to take them with you. It's nothing to do with your Dil.

My son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

So both you and your daughters are putting unreasonable expectations on SIL.
Which bit of 'she doesn't like dogs' do any of you not get?
Give the poor woman a break.

I have been put in this exact same situation!

mil has a dog , her husband “left” a year ago. She works weekends and can’t leave the dog .

as a temporary thing sil and dh look after the dog between them on a weekend. It’s a year later , and that rat is ruining my life (and tbf causes arguments) and I know the same is happening at sil house.

the thing is so tying - I can’t do anything with my husband (unless it’s a ducking walk!) as the thing has separation anxiety. Took it to a garden centre and it had explosive shits everywhere . Didn’t buy anything, helped the poor workers scrub shite then went home crying.

whenever alternative ideas are put forward mil cry’s , she hates me as I’m difficult (probably because I can’t go away on a weekend)

it makes me itch and eyes water and I am expected to put up with it

it is fucking awful and NOT MY DOG !!

good on your dil for saying no

Perhaps she should have thought of that when she got the dog!

That's awful.

If you are already "the difficult one" and everyone is crying, wouldn't it be worth not putting up with her manipulation and saying no?

This would not be me .
I would not be dog sitting after a year . Mil should have got another job
How selfish and entitled

You surely couldn’t be comfortable leaving your dog with someone who doesn’t like dogs

I dont think OP liked the response she got. Or the solutions offered. Wonder what happened in the end. If no Dog Boarding/kennels available then the only solution would be for the non related person to stay home with the dog.

This thread has made me think. While I have always been organised to make sure our dogs could go to kennels in an emergency (I have elderly parents overseas), maybe it doesn't really need my husband or everyone to go to a funeral, or for whatever. Someone could actually stay home with the dogs, which may be preferable to a kennel (a totally unfamiliar place they have never had to go).

It’s a family emergency, why isnt the op fuming her daughters can’t take some leave between them? Is the woman who looks after her grandchildren’s time and priorities worth so much less because she has the nerve to have agreed with her partner to not work while dc are very young? How dare she, and how very dare she and not also be available. Fine that the others aren’t available because emergency or no emergency, love dogs or hate them, they have JOBS. Poor judged dil, I’m glad she is good with her boundaries.

Do you both have to travel to see the relative? Can the person whose relative it is go on their own and the other stay at home with the dog? Is that an option? As this may just be your best bet if you don’t want to pay someone to look after your dog.

Also the son -in-laws have not been mentioned. Straight to housewife DIL as she’s clearly got nothing better to do.

The others aren’t available, and usually would.

the DIL is available, and just won’t.

which, in the case of the OP fancying a week in Tenerife is one thing, but in an emergency is something else.

and I’m not sure why people keep bringing up SIL - there’s been no mention of the OP having any!!