AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

It’s not easy to get a dog in kennels at short notice. Dog needs a settling in time. Plus all vaccinations records plus other proof of treatments/flea/worming etc. can take a couple of weeks to organise.

Of course you're being unreasonable. What you are in need of is a paid dog sitter or the kennels.

Thats the point though the op doesn't have cast iron options. My dd has a dog, 2 dog sitters the dog knows, a boarding kennels he's used to. 3 different family members who can help. She has ensured that there is always an option available including kennels.

The DIL is not a stranger to the dog, let’s not be silly.

The dog knows who she is. OP has said that she makes the dog stay outside her house, she hasn’t said anything to suggest she doesn’t spend time in the OPs house, where the dog would also be.

If you don’t like dogs, you don’t like dogs - end of discussion really. Your DiL is perfectly entitled to say no. It’s like my nephew asking me to look after his snakes - absolutely not, never, ever will that happen!!

There are other solutions though, there must be local dog sitters, or people that will look after your dog in their home - have you tried Rover? or asking on fb for recommendations?

Put your dog in kennels or get a dog sitter like everybody else has to!! It’s YOUR dog and YOUR problem!!! NOT your daughter in laws!

Also this. If you were my MIL and you kept bringing an uninvited dog to my home, then feeling miffed when it wasn't welcome inside, you would find the frequency of your visits diminished.

Yeah, he can just pop over twice a day from France or the USA or wherever he is working abroad from.

Why don't people just READ the OP?

Between you and the other people asking about the son, or the sons in law - assuming her daughters are either a) married or b) to men, I don't understand why people just can't respond to the actual question posed not the scenario they've made up in their head!

Disagree that the dog knows who she is.

My family members have a dog who technically I see regularly as I visit them at least a couple of times a month. However the dog does not know me at all, I never interact with him in the slightest.

Of course she is a stranger to the dog. The dog has never been in DIL's house, and given the situation I am going to take a confident guess that DIL and the dog have never met. DIL will have no clue what a dog needs or how to properly care for it. You have no idea if the DIL goes to the OP's house and socialises with the dog but based on the OP's info, I would guess not.

You are really stretching now!

So I’m stretching for my assumption that the DIL has met the dog, but your assumptions are ok?

right.

It seems unfair that the blame is on your DIL but your daughters get a free pass due to work - almost shaming the daughter in law for not working. I’m sure the dog will survive while they are out at work for a few weeks and I speak as a dog owner who never leaves my dog, but needs must.

I think in the situation you describe - essentially an emergency - I would feel disappointed too that a relative would not help.

I havent made any assumptions.

I made one assertion that the DIL is a stranger to the dog, as she is. That is clear from the OP.

I made two guesses based on the OP's info.

Anything else?

Nope, we can both sleep soundly knowing that are opinions on the situation remain unchanged.

That's why a responsible dog owner keeps these things up to date and ready to go.

Apart from this, why do you take your dog to hers often enough that your daughters are annoyed it’s not in the house? Can your SsIL not work from home yo look after your dog?

YABVU. I like dogs but don’t have one because my life isn’t suited to it at the moment for a multitude of reasons - dogs are a tie. DH family often used to dump boisterous dogs on us and it is such an imposition (luckily have cats now, so they can’t do that anymore). Given she doesn’t like dogs (which is understandable) I can’t believe you even asked her.

I also hate the way people just assume they can bring dogs with them anywhere and when they are out of control (eg jumping up at a tiny baby) it’s just laughed off.

Why not just take it with you?

Glad you found someone else OP but yes chiming in with the masses to say YABVU 😂

I don’t like dogs and would be incredibly uncomfortable and even distressed with one in my house. My house is my safe space from dogs considering they are everywhere nowadays! You also don’t know what people are going through in life or in their mental state, if dogs make her anxious and she’s already dealing with something it might tip her over the edge.

Also dogs are unpredictable and they might pick up on your DILs fear/dislike and react in some way. It’s massively unwise for you to push this.

And stop bringing the dog to their house!!

You chose to have a dog and need to organise suitable care for that dog if you have to travel. Your chosen ‘suitable’ care is a daughter in law who hates dogs-that isn’t a solution. If your own actual children are far too busy to do it, you need to have organised pet sitters/kennels. If you haven’t done that, then one of you can’t go and see the sick relative; you need to choose which one.

Lack of planning on your part doesn’t make an emergency on your daughter in law’s. She didn’t choose to have the dog!

You are very high and mighty aren’t you.

If she isn’t a dog lover she isn’t being unreasonable not to want a dog in her house.
Shame the one family member with plenty of time on her hands is the one who doesn’t like dogs…

I couldn’t leave my dog with someone who doesn‘t like dogs, regardless of our relationship or the circumstances. I need to fully trust that the person I’m leaving my precious dog with understands just how important he is and won’t make a half hearted effort to look after him

You’re very unreasonable. I don’t like dogs and wouldn’t want them in my house either. Your plans with your dog have absolutely nothing to do with her

Why on earth would you take your dogs to the house of someone who has made it clear that they don’t like dogs?!! Dog owners never cease to amaze me