AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Yes how sad it is that people expect you, as an adult, to have a contingency plan for if things go wrong. And that they expect a working adult to pay for their keep.

FFS......

Ok? But that’s not the situation here, is it? They are both able to go, and therefore offer the support the other either wants or needs.

I could never refuse to do the one thing that could stand in the way of that.

I’d be more annoyed if she liked dogs and didn’t want to help out but if she doesn’t like dogs she doesn’t like dogs. Not everyone does contrary to popular belief.

I’m sorry you are going through a stressful time but it is really unfair to direct your anger towards your daughter in law here.

She isn’t comfortable around dogs and not everyone has to be. It’s not a moral failing- she just doesn’t like dogs. She’d also likely be stressed out of her mind trying to look after it if she was forced to out of guilt and the poor thing would pick up on that. Basically, she’s done nothing wrong. Part of the decision to have a dog or not is knowing they need you and there isn’t always a lot of flex. You are now living through that but that is the balance of dog ownership. Why can’t the dog go with you?

A dog in my house could kill me.

So would I look after your dog when your mother is dying? No, unless you were paying for a double funeral.

Having friends and loved ones that you can rely on is a contingency plan. But friends generally help when they know that help will be reciprocated.

Not being employed outside the home doesn't mean idle with nothing better to do than serve the needs of others. She's probably very busy with her own commitments and family needs. People need to get over the idea that not in payed employment doesn't equal being free to be the general family dogsbody.

Well clearly it isnt a contingency plan, as this thread has demonstrated. Because OP is up shit creek unless her friend agrees to step in, given that everyone else has said no for various reasons.

I love dogs but have to agree Yabu.

I wouldn't ask someone who dislikes dogs to help with mine, even in an emergency. Not fair on the person, or your dog.
Its obviously a big commitment, you can't just feed them and then leave them to their own devices. They need care, time, attention, exercise etc etc. One of you should stay at home with your dog (dh if it's your relative, you if it is dh's relative).

There are always kennels. No, I wouldn't want my dogs at kennels either, but if I'm stuck and it's an emergency, that's what I'd have to do.

What contingency plan would you suggest?

it’s very difficult to find a kennel spot last minute. Or a pet sitter.

If it's not peak season (it's not), it's not hard to get either. Yes, it's expensive, but that's part of the responsibility of dog ownership.

Gosh aren’t you a lovely lot on here!! I hate dogs etc - what a nasty thing to say!! I love dogs and wouldn’t be friends with people that didn’t like my dog - I would happily look after your pooch!

I guess it depends where the OP is.

They are never easy to come across in my area.

And I’m pretty sure a prerequisite of most, if not all, the kennels would be previous settling in sessions.

Take the dog with you.

Not in my local ones, and they might waive it for an emergency anyway. I've been fortunate not to need kennels, I really don't want to send my dogs there because they won't understand, but I also keep their vaccinations up to date 'just in case' of emergency.

YABU. I don’t ever have pets in my house. Why do you take your dog with you when you go to their house? Dog dander can lodge itself under carpets. I don’t even usually allow them in the garden. it sounds like you are being very unkind on your DIL. You are not respecting her opinions.

I don’t like dogs and so wouldn’t have one in my house. I have cats but even if I didn’t I wouldn’t want a dog in my house.

When I went away a few years ago I had a young colleague come and house sit for me and take care of my cats. She was 19 and super sensible (her idea of a party was hot chocolate and an early night) and she loved the idea! We were away for 3 weeks. I gave her money to treat herself to a takeaway, left wine in the fridge and all the food essentials. She loved it. Do you have any friends with any sensible young adults who would stay at yours for a bit of cash?

This!

Plus…Stop taking your dog round to her house when you know she doesn’t like them.

You need to find a kennels you like and use them. I love dogs but none of my friends or family bring their dog to my house.

YABVU. She’s not comfortable around dogs. I would be the same and would find it rude, disrespectful and a massive imposition to be asked.. It’s really unfair you’re directing your stress at her.

You decided not to mention your son and DIL have a toddler, then @BadGran ? So you say she’s a “housewife” rather than a SAHM, and don’t mention that she’s solo parenting whilst your son is away. She doesn’t like dogs, and that’s reason enough, but there’s also the added complication of dealing with a small child and a dog.

I wouldn't be friends with you if you forced your dogs on me, no thanks.

YABU. Find a boarding kennels.

They aren’t really in need though are they. There are usually ways around things. They don’t both have to go.

Make a cast iron, unbreakable plan for every single emergency. And if you dont want, or cant afford, to do that then dont get a dog.

It really is that simple.

How the hell do you think the dog will feel be shunted into somewhere it doesnt know, with someone it doesnt know and who will have a different routine to the one they are used to?

I would say that anyone calling us "No, I dont like dogs" people cruel are actually the cruel ones themselves. You want a dog for fun and companionship when it suits you, but dont seem to care how the dog feels when it gets taken to kennels or left with a stranger for your convenience.