AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

It's not about kids and dogs or donkeys or chickens, it's about doing something you don't like to help someone.

I didn't say I would look after my friends' dogs , just because I actually love dogs, anyone who asks me to look after their dog would be doing ME a favour.
But I don't know anything about kids and don't particularly like being around them but still, I wouldn't hesitate to help out a friend in need (whether it'd be wise to rely on me to take care of kids is another thing though)

Your dog doesn't need to stay in the garden when you visit her - it needs to stay at home.

She doesn't like dogs so unfortunately can't help you. Perhaps you can hire someone to check on the dog and walk it or put it in kennels for a while.

I'm sorry about your unwell relative but you need to find another solution to your pet care difficulties.

You are so entitled! I absolutely love dogs, but know not everyone does and never assume my own dog is welcome at other people’s houses. I can’t believe you take your dog to your DILs house when you know she doesn’t really want him/her there!! Find a kennels!!

YABU to expect someone who doesn't like dogs to look after your dog.

I'll happily help family with practical things and would look after their children if they needed it in an urgent situation even if it inconvenienced me a lot. I don't help with pets. I've made that very clear, and the one relative who acted like an entitled arse about me setting that boundary and kept pestering me to look after her dogs is someone I no longer speak to.

You can be disappointed she won't help, sure, but the way you're talking about her is very unpleasant. She has no obligation to help you at all. She doesn't like dogs. Her circumstances are irrelevant.

I despair at the sheer entitlement of dog owners. I would happily look after someone’s cat, hamster, rabbit, goldfish etc but not a dog.

You’ll have to excuse my skepticism, considering that this is an ongoing issue and that the OP’s daughter seem to egg her on with their dislike of the DIL’s boundaries. It’s common sense that only one person attends anything if you have a child / dog / commitment that can’t be left alone. You shouldn’t have to suggest that to a fully grown adult.

I would also refuse to have a dog in my home as I don't feel comfortable around them. Luckily my family and friends are all respectful of this and would never put me in this position - and if they secretly didn't like it then tough I don't really care! Hopefully you can find something suitable.

Daughter in law is a house wife. If you gave her a dog to look after, one she particularly doesn't care for because she clearly doesn't like dogs, you would massively increase her work load, along with a lot of stress.

Yes you're being unreasonable, and unbelievably selfish too.

Get a dog sitter or put it in a kennel.

Yabvu and you know that. Your poor dil. She done nothing wrong here. Have you tried kennels.

Are people really saying that there’s no circumstance at all that they would look after a loved ones dog in an emergency?

The parent of your MIL/FIL/DIL/SIL is dying. They live a few hours away. Understandably, the child of the dying person wants to go and see their parent on their deathbed. Rather than step in and help out with the dog, you’d insist that the person dying is only really related to one of them, so their partner should stay home with the dog.

you’d happily send someone off to one of the worst situations they’ll go through in their lives alone, rather than with support from their partner, instead of just looking after a dog for a few days?

allergies/incompatible pets/landlord restrictions aside.

kennels/dog sitters are no easier to come across in an emergency than a nursery or childcare placement.

Some people are not dog people,and l know plenty of people who object to dogs living in your home for hygiene reasons.l think you just have to accept she won't help and find a kennels for your dog,as anyone without family that is willing would have to do.
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You are being totally unreasonable. I love dogs but no way on earth would I expect anyone who has a fear of dogs to 'help out'. Sorry you are having a difficult time and need to get something arranged but expecting your DIL to do this is being very entitled.

My reply was absolutely pertinent to the question. The daughter-in-law does not want to live with a dog. I could not stand to live with a dog. The OP is so unreasonable to even ask her. She was completely out of order. Some dog people are so deluded that they cannot understand that others really do not like dogs and do not wish to live with them.

No, I would ask a friend who likes or has dogs rather than someone who I know doesn’t like dogs. The latter would be would be very low on the list of people I would ask, especially if my child (their partner) was away and they may already be inconvenienced by that.

Nope, OP doesn't get to demand that her DIL helps her.

Yes, same. I would go round and feed a cat but I dislike dogs. I find them dirty and smelly. No way would I be able to live with one around the house. And that would not be fair on the dog either. Some dog people are really a different breed, pardon the pun.

In all my years of responsible dog ownership, I have precisely twice asked family to help me in an emergency. Once when MIL had a stroke and once when DD went into very premature labour. If that makes me “entitled” so be it. But, I say again, I would bet my house that anyone saying “I wouldn’t” has infact asked others for help in an emergency at some point.

I wouldn’t let a dog in my house either. Why would you expect someone to?

Your relative's emergency doesn't mean you can voluntell your DIL, who doesn't like dogs, to have your dog at her place and you've got a lotta nerve being mad at her about it.

Where's the SILs? Do you both have to be there? I mean, here you are having time to post and drag your DIL on Mumsnet. Why can't one of your daughters have the dog and you pay for a dog walker?

ICBA to RTFT but it occurs to me that as a dog lover, I wouldn't leave my dog (s) with someone who didn't like dogs. When we had dogs, when we had such a situation, one of us would stay with the dogs and the other one would go to the relative.

I wouldn't take the dog to my home, just no. And twice no while being the sole carer for a toddler.

I'd try to help within my boundary of not touching the dog and not having it at my home.
I'd come to their home to hand keys over to a dog sitter, help with calling the sitters to get one, help pay for the dog-walker, babysit the OP's DD's child so the OP's DD would be able to do it.

The OP doesn't ask for any of that. She and her DDs are annoyed that the DIL isn't a willing dog care.

I agree - I would happily look after 8 children (and had three to stay on top of my own five for three months) but I will not have a dog in the house. LOTS of reasons. I would prefer to pay for kennels for someone rather than have a dog in the house.

Feels a bit clickbait like. Of course if your DIL does not like dogs you should not ask her to look after yours. Looking after a dog is a big responsibility and if she does not like them/has no experience in caring for them then it is perfectly reasonable she does not look after yours. Second points is the bit where you say she is a housewife and therefore could look after a dog. It seems like you see her as less than your daughters. Having ovaries and begin t home does m=not make her your default gofa.

You were very unreasonable to ask your daughter-in to look after your dog in the full knowledge that she does not want it in her house. People who choose not to have dogs do so for a reason. I wouldn't have bothered to be polite in my refusal if you had asked to me.

You are also unreasonable to take the dog when you visit her and then bitch and complain to your daughters when your daughter-in-law - perfectly - reasonably tells you to leave it in the garden. It's entirely your fault if your pet is uncomfortable due to the weather, because you create the situation by taking it somewhere you know it's not welcome indoors.

You took on the responsibility for looking after the dog. Not your daughter-in-law. Neither you nor your daughters have any right to complain when she doesn't want it in her home.

Ugh, "touched a nerve" basically means "I've been a dick and I want to make out like it's your fault". Pathetic.