AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

imagine someone that charming being married to your son, AND living off his money while refusing to work.

It's not the actual dog situation that would upset me 😂
what was he thinking would come to mind.

I'm not very keen on dogs (although I tolerate nice ones) and my DH was attacked by a dog as a child, and is a bit phobic as a result so dogs would pretty much be a no no in our house. Dogs are just not some people's cup of tea.

There is no way I would have your dog. I don’t particularly like them and I’m not having one in my house. Part of the reason is I never want to be tied down by one so I take the view that you should have plans in place to deal with your dog in the event of an emergency.

Having met many ‘cockerpoos’ when working in the animal care industry, I’d rather look after a Rottie…
The breed is irrelevant in this situation anyway

That's good, hopefully the friend can help you out. If not, the best thing might be for whichever one of you isn't related to the ill person to stay at home.

I'm with DIL, I really dislike dogs

No, it doesn't make any difference whatsoever. She doesn't like dogs, and her MIL's dog isn't her responsibility. OP, I really hope you haven't given her or your son the slightest indication of your sense of entitlement over this issue. If you have, be prepared for them to draw back from you considerably. Frankly, you have a nerve.

How would someone scared of dogs even get close enough to one to put a lead on to take it for a walk?

“we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away.”

So put the dog in a kennel, rather than trying to impose on other people.

Can you explain why you both have to go? I don’t understand.

Dogs are not allowed in my house at all, if you want to bring a cat that’s fine.

You have no idea whether DIL is living off 'his' money or not, although obviously if you're the sort of person who thinks the SAHP of a toddler without their own income is 'living off' the working spouse you'd be the sort of MIL to steer clear of.

She could have her own income streams and assets. They could be living in a home she brought to the marriage. It's an odd thing to invent.

I haven't met many people scared of a cockapoo to be honest 😂

Which was the example I used.

As a PP said though, it sounds like the OP and her daughters have given the DIL a hard time about it previously when OP has taken her dog to the DILs home against her wishes (hence why it's had to stay in the garden).
I would be prepared to put money on the fact that the first time DIL allowed the dog in her house even though this is an emergency, she would be expected to host the dog at all times in the future. DIL is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't.

I seem to have touched a nerve with you 😉 but let's not derail the thread

Yeah I agree that she shouldn't be taking the dog round when there's no emergency

That's not the point. The point is that OP's DIL doesnt like dogs. I don't either. They smell IMO. It is beyond cheeky and entitled to expect a dog hater to give one house room. The DIL's being a housewife is zero to do with anything. OP sounds like the MIL from hell and I'd be giving her a wide berth.

Yep exactly the same for me. I would do most things to help out most people but i just couldnt do this. Its really not on to be cross with her. That can easily turn into resentment, when YABVU not her.

Yes perhaps for the best, you did sound rather hatstand.

You are being outrageous to even bring the dog to her house and put it in the garden when you visit

what made you think that was ok ?
id be so pissed off with you for that- dont do that again

you are pet owners snd should have plans and back up plans. You are older now and both more likely to have these situations arise in the family or for yourselves make plans that don't involve her and definitely dont be resentful to her

This. And trying to get her daughters to gang up on her DIL? Very poor behaviour. She's lucky that this woman has any of them round at all.

Dogs and kids are completely different though

Totally unreasonable you are responsible for your dog not other people. Train your dog to manage being alone and pay for care

the point is that some people make an effort in an emergency. In this instance, they would at least come and feed the dog, and walk it once during the day until the pet sitter is free and the others are off from work, for example.

No one is talking about giving the dog a spa weekend in your own home and giving it your bed.

You are the perfect example why people don't like the ones who are so proud they "don't like dog". It's not about the dogs, it's just the generally unpleasant attitude.

If you can help someone when they are stuck in an emergency, why wouldn't you? We are talking friends or family! I am glad people around me are decent human beings.

What about people who don’t like dogs because they’ve been attacked by a dog? Are they supposed to still love dogs?