AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

[PretzelPretzel]

Long story short, myself and my almost teenage children were going out with a friend of mine for the day. My friend let us know when she had parked outside, and we were to leave our house and go to her car (as she wanted to go straight away and not come inside). It's typical that when we were about to leave, one child couldn't find their socks, and then the other child had to go and get changed after noticing a hole in the back of their trousers. This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). I realise that waiting is a pain in the arse, but I assumed that an apology from me would cut it.
Anyway, when we got into the car, she was very off with me and the children. She then started ranting and droning on about how we take the piss for making her wait. I apologised, but was told that my apology was not accepted as "you know I don't like waiting for anyone".
She literally ranted on and on for around 15minutes non stop. It was making the atmosphere in the car really awkward and uncomfortable, and she was starting to get louder and louder. I apologised again and asked how much longer she was going to go on about it? This enraged her further, and I was met with full on shouting, F bombs, and her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel. This carried on for another 10 or so minutes, continuous expletives and shouting. Myself and my children sat in silence/shock. I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused as she still wanted to go on our day out because I'd apparently already wasted enough of her time.
We spent the rest of the journey in awkward silence, until I was barked at to get out at the petrol station to buy her petrol. I'm not usually a push over, but was so in shock that I did what I was told.
We had a crap time once we arrived at the destination, as she was still raging and making snarky comments.
Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children. She has form for this, but I've always stood by her as I've known her and been close to her for years, long before I'd ever seen her rage. These rages are always over trivial things that other people wouldn't bother about.
AIBU if I forgive her?
Sould I just let her go?
Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently.

I get really irritated if people are late (more than 15 minutes) for no good reason, because it means that they do not value my time at all.

An example - a friend was once 30 minutes late to meet me because she'd stayed to have dessert before leaving home.

This person completely overreacted and by driving as she did while so enraged put you and your kids at risk of being in an accident.

I would immediately have got out of her car and cancelled the day out when she started ranting.

You know it will probably happen again because she always thinks she's in the right, and therefore her rage is justified in her eyes.

I would end this 'friendship', which anyway sounds exploitative (why do YOU always pay for everything?).

Put some effort into meeting new people and making new friends.

There is absolutely no beed of her to shout, scream & swear at you,however u should have been ready for when she arrived, its ur job as a parent to make sure children r dressed in tidy clothes / socks & shoes. It seems this friendship may have run its course.

I live in rural Somerset and we have taxi’s here, I had no idea they are supposedly a city invention!

My god how on earth you still went ahead with the day out is beyond me. If anyone spoke to me like that especially in front of my children, that would be a big no. Completely unacceptable. She should acknowledge that going out with other people often means inconveniences like this happen. That is part and parcel of having a day trip planned tbh especially with kids. If an adult cannot understand that, I would not waste my time with them.

Nope. Be done. Her behaviour is absolutely beyond normal. She sounds diagnosable and I would fear what she might do the next time I was around her.

Join stuff and meet other people. There is no apology here. If she called to say she was booked on to some counselling it would have been moderately less shit at least but that hasn't happened and you are just there to swallow and normalise her foul personality.

Your friend is abusive and a toxic shit show. Let her go and don’t look back or your kids get a front row seat at „how to befriend abusive people and tolerate their behaviour“.

At the point she stopped at the filling station, I would have got out and called a taxi. It might make sense to do the Freedom Program @PretzelPretzel Just filling her car up after that is doormattery.

She put you and your children in danger. No brainer. Although as others have said, why you carried on with the day is beyond me.

Your friend is abusive and that must have been scary, but you should have been ready and waiting for when she turned up, a child shouldn't have still been looking for their socks.

Let the friendship go if you don't like her behaviour, and work on your own timekeeping as well for the future.

No way would I have put up with being shouted and ranted at like that when it was meant to be an enjoyable day out with the kids. I would have told her to get a grip and got out the car asap. You don’t need friends like that.

Forgiveness is not synonymous with reconciliation. As someone who had an abusive friend I allowed into mine and my family’s lives and home for far too long, forgive her from a distance - you don’t need to maintain contact. We teach our children how we let people treat us. I really feel in my case, it was a primary factor in my daughter getting into an unhealthy relationship with an abusive young man during her teens. She had watched me endure the kind of thing you’ve described from when she was very young.

I think she was awful. It's bad enough just you but it was worse for your kids. I don't have kids but I do understand the scenario you describe....that's life. Were you going somewhere like a film or something that you had to be there at a certain time? In that situation I can understand her being annoyed but not to that degree.

Rather be all alone then have this friend

No fucking way would that person ever be darkening my door again if they spoke to me and my kids like that. Your kids must have been really scared. Protect them.

I know this always makes me laugh. It’s as if the entire country lives in zone one London.

Forgive her? No fucking way. If I'd been spoken/shouted at like that, the so called friend would have been given her character in no uncertain terms.🤬🤬

I'd rather have no friends than one like this hanging around my children

Yes, bin her off completely for life. She was aggressive and threatening to you and your children. You don’t need a monstrous ogre like her in your life.

Just no . Write this all down somewhere private and I expect more things will come to mind that shes done. Or keep looking at this thread .
I think she is manipulative, controlling and a user . Financially but mainly you are her scapegoat for emotion regulation . Ignore what her public image is ie her colleagues.

Even this discard if you now , after a week of you stepping back . I think it's a test and manipulation, so that you sweep under the carpet her disgraceful behaviour ( which will then become the norm ) and she wants you to beg her for forgiveness .

Except they quoted me, who lives in rural Somerset where taxis are essential for non drivers because the bus service is shit and only on main roads. So your assumptions of readers being city dwellers makes no sense to me.

How horrible for your kids to witness this. They'll start to dread trips with her.
She sounds like a real nasty bully.
You don't deserve this OP and neither do your kids or your bank balance

You do not stay friends with someone who yells, swears and gets aggressive with you and your kids, no.

There’s no way I’d be putting up with this if it’s a regular occurrence like you say? If it was a one off, I’d probably forgive her if she grovelled, everyone’s allowed a bad day. But I’d make her apologise to my kids too. The thing I’d be most concerned about is the terrible example I’m setting for them - that it’s ok to let people disrespect you and treat you this badly. Not an excuse, but something possibly worth exploring with your friend - is if she’s going through the peri or menopause. If she wasn’t like this before and it’s a recent thing, it could be menopause symptoms, of which rage is a very common one. Doesn’t mean she’s allowed to treat you like shit, but if she’s a good long-term friend with little other support, she might need a bit of support from a friend. She’d need to be 100% committed to never speaking to me & my kids like that again, and she’d have to apologise to the kids. If she ever did it again she’d be gone

I'm struggling with the fact that you put your children through that for the day - If she refused to pull over I would have got them out of the car when she stopped at the garage abnd made my own way home
I wouldn't forgive her - it wasn't a quick outburst - it was violent and persistent

I think you're right to let her go, she clearly has issues going on. I wouldn't want a friend as explosive as that.
That being said, if someone is collecting me I make sure everything/one is ready to go so there's no waiting. To me that's polite.

Also, I think asking most people when they are already raging 'how much longer they are going to go on about it' is utter foolishness.

I absolutely hate when people leave me waiting if l am collecting them as it's rude and thoughtless but her reaction is bonkers.
I had this situation with a school mom where sometimes l collected her kid from school. She asked my dh at drop off that morning to tell me her dd needed collecting that day but he completely forgot to tell me and he was never in on any conversations about it.
When l failed to collect her child she absolutely ranted and raved at me for at least 10 minutes. It was crazy. Really shouting. There was no danger to her child at any time . I quietly told her the arrangement was over and never spoke to her again. She was shocked saying what's wrong with you etc. I said l am not used to being spoken to in that manner. She seemed surprised.