AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

[PretzelPretzel]

Long story short, myself and my almost teenage children were going out with a friend of mine for the day. My friend let us know when she had parked outside, and we were to leave our house and go to her car (as she wanted to go straight away and not come inside). It's typical that when we were about to leave, one child couldn't find their socks, and then the other child had to go and get changed after noticing a hole in the back of their trousers. This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). I realise that waiting is a pain in the arse, but I assumed that an apology from me would cut it.
Anyway, when we got into the car, she was very off with me and the children. She then started ranting and droning on about how we take the piss for making her wait. I apologised, but was told that my apology was not accepted as "you know I don't like waiting for anyone".
She literally ranted on and on for around 15minutes non stop. It was making the atmosphere in the car really awkward and uncomfortable, and she was starting to get louder and louder. I apologised again and asked how much longer she was going to go on about it? This enraged her further, and I was met with full on shouting, F bombs, and her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel. This carried on for another 10 or so minutes, continuous expletives and shouting. Myself and my children sat in silence/shock. I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused as she still wanted to go on our day out because I'd apparently already wasted enough of her time.
We spent the rest of the journey in awkward silence, until I was barked at to get out at the petrol station to buy her petrol. I'm not usually a push over, but was so in shock that I did what I was told.
We had a crap time once we arrived at the destination, as she was still raging and making snarky comments.
Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children. She has form for this, but I've always stood by her as I've known her and been close to her for years, long before I'd ever seen her rage. These rages are always over trivial things that other people wouldn't bother about.
AIBU if I forgive her?
Sould I just let her go?
Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently.

I'm a firm believer that people like this only learn to change if those around them stop enabling their bad behaviour. Consequences and losing relationships are powerful motivators for change.

And as PP have said this was awful for your poor children and if you let it go, what message will that send them?

You have a duty to your kids not to put them in this position ever again. This woman is not a friend, friends don’t do this.

cut this one off.

No that behaviour is not normal at all. The friendship sounds very one sided. You pay for everything and she drives? Paying a contribution to petrol would be enough. If she wants to go on these trips she should be paying for herself.
The behaviour is extremely damaging to witness as children as they grow up and then think it’s normal to act like that. The rage sounds uncontrollable and it’s seems to be going on and on. She doesn’t just loose it for a minute she continues the diatribe and it’s sounds like it’s always someone else’s fault.
You can forgive her, but I would not be seeing her again if it were me until she addresses her anger issues. If she is able to control herself in public and at work, why is she loosing it and verbally abusing you?
you need to let her know it’s unacceptable.

She sounds overwhelmed with daily life but that is her problem and her issue to resolve not yours you have enough on your plate looking after your children and frankly you don’t need or deserve a so called friend like this.
Please be kind to yourself and your children and distance yourself from this abusive person.

She literally can't help herself. My ex-DH was like this. You'll have a much nicer life without her in it. It's a shame, but what can you do when someone behaves like a rabid dog?

What a nasty individual she is 😮

You don’t need “friends” like this. Run like the fucking wind, she sounds utterly unhinged

Better to have no friends at all than someone like her. Absolutely no excuse for her outbursts

She bullied you, belittled you, frightened your children and could have killed you screaming and banging in the car.

Like youre right you werent ready and it was irritating, and an im sorry should have sufficed.

And SHE KNOWS shes like this. And wants does nothing about it. Happy to keep going being aggressive and offencive.

And im reasonably confident the oh no let's not be friends im just such a victim of my own rage schpiel is just an act so youll say there there there..

Honestly, let it go. Dont put your kids in this kinda intimating potentially dangerous situation again

OP this is abusive behaviour. It’s good that she called to apologise, but I think her suggestion of letting the friendship go is a sensible one - at least until she gets some help with anger management. I would have had severe reservations at continuing the friendship the minute she refused to stop the car and let you out when you asked her to. That’s totally unacceptable.

Not in the UK and not overly familiar with the ins and outs of UK law, but I’m pretty sure that refusing to let you and your children out of the car constitutes either kidnapping or false imprisonment. It would meet the legal elements for kidnapping in the US. Someone I used to know when we were kids went on
to be convicted of kidnapping for not letting people out of his car and continuing to drive.

If you stay friends with this woman, you’ll be teaching your children that it’s okay for her to treat you all this way.

Yep, that would be the line crossed for me. Not sure if it’s a criminal offence in the UK but regardless, it’s totally unacceptable behaviour.

Yep. Her behaviour in the car was unforgivable. Tell her this and then stop all contact.

She is dangerous.

paid for her ticket to enter the destination. I've always paid for her on days out, even though she has a well paid job. She's never questioned it, and never offered to pay her way. I assumed that it was because she's the driver. I always pay for the petrol for her too, out of courtesy

Ok read this again. I have no idea why you have always paid for her before that's mad!! Just why would you do this!!!

You cannot risk exposing your children to this again. Or yourself.

I can’t believe you continued with the day out after how she behaved.

As someone whose parents had extreme anger issues (which have contributed to a diagnosis of CPTSD), your kids will have been terrified. And you not standing up to her and insisting that you and they would go home will have made things worse for them. What they’ve learned from this is that they can’t trust you to protect them.

At a minimum, you need to remove this “friend” from any kind of contact with your kids and go low contact with her yourself. I’d want to see clear signs of responsibility on her part - seeing a therapist regularly, for one.

Good grief get a backbone and don't let this woman hear your DC again

? ‘So’ what?

She was taking you and your children for a day out. How many times has she driven you around? How many times have you left her waiting? Have you paid for fuel before?

She is no friend.

True friends do not behave like this, the woman is deranged, unhinged and a nasty piece of work and then on top of that, she completely ruined the day out.

If you feel up to it, tell her how you feel and that her actions are shameful, and no way should she be tearing into you and your DC and tell her the friendship is over.

It is an emotional assault, this is why you were so shocked you paid for the fuel.

If you were to have a day out with her again, you may be on edge, just in case she goes ballistic again, it is just not worth it, and not fair on your kids and with friends like her, who needs enemies?

She is useless, stop contact.

YANBU if you forgive her, no.

But I would need a good long time before I could forget it. At least a year.

I would be worried that her behaviour had been so bad that I had been shocked into inaction by her rage and consequently, allowed her to continue to abuse me and my children all day. You were in danger in a car with her driving in such a rage.
It’s happened before. It will happen again OP.
And you can’t trust her at all, that it won’t happen again even when she makes promises. Unless there’s some kind of intervention.

So you have to trust yourself not to allow her into your presence until she can assure you she has sought help, put in strategies to help herself and been successful in calming her uncontrollable rages.

Immerse yourself in new and different groups of people. And forget about her for now. Don’t make plans but let her know you are busy.

Demonstrate to your DC that her behaviour was in no way acceptable and you won’t risk it happening again.

OP has paid for everything before she said...

Let me guess…you cant drive

im right arent i!

If she asks, I would tell her that your DD has tried talking to him about his behaviour and he has refused to listen. Your DD finds being pushed and tripped repeatedly unacceptable and doesn’t want to be around him when his behaviour escalates further.

?? Does that give the friend the opportunity to behave like a dangerous lunatic because she has an advantage? It’s a good life lesson, anyone who treats you like crap when you feel dependent is a power hungry cunt.
It would be cheaper and more convenient to take the bus.

Some
friend she is. Keep well away.