AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

[PretzelPretzel]

Long story short, myself and my almost teenage children were going out with a friend of mine for the day. My friend let us know when she had parked outside, and we were to leave our house and go to her car (as she wanted to go straight away and not come inside). It's typical that when we were about to leave, one child couldn't find their socks, and then the other child had to go and get changed after noticing a hole in the back of their trousers. This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). I realise that waiting is a pain in the arse, but I assumed that an apology from me would cut it.
Anyway, when we got into the car, she was very off with me and the children. She then started ranting and droning on about how we take the piss for making her wait. I apologised, but was told that my apology was not accepted as "you know I don't like waiting for anyone".
She literally ranted on and on for around 15minutes non stop. It was making the atmosphere in the car really awkward and uncomfortable, and she was starting to get louder and louder. I apologised again and asked how much longer she was going to go on about it? This enraged her further, and I was met with full on shouting, F bombs, and her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel. This carried on for another 10 or so minutes, continuous expletives and shouting. Myself and my children sat in silence/shock. I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused as she still wanted to go on our day out because I'd apparently already wasted enough of her time.
We spent the rest of the journey in awkward silence, until I was barked at to get out at the petrol station to buy her petrol. I'm not usually a push over, but was so in shock that I did what I was told.
We had a crap time once we arrived at the destination, as she was still raging and making snarky comments.
Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children. She has form for this, but I've always stood by her as I've known her and been close to her for years, long before I'd ever seen her rage. These rages are always over trivial things that other people wouldn't bother about.
AIBU if I forgive her?
Sould I just let her go?
Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently.

“I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused”

That’s the point at which I would have lost it - to be kept as a prisoner in someone else’s car - yet after this, you paid for her petrol and paid her entrance even though she was continuing to spoil the day out. OP, you need to speak to this friend - this is not behaviour that you want to model to your DC: that someone can swear and rant, and you meekly go along with it. But the car is the biggie - if you ask to be let out of someone’s car and they refuse, that is abusive behaviour. If your friend were a man who’d done that, what would you say? She needs help, and you need a different friend.

It sounds like your children are being taught to put up with abusive and dangerous behaviour. None of you should have been in the car with her, that was an accident waiting to happen. It's a shame they weren't given the message that their safety must come first.
Why you'd ever continue the friendship baffles me, but it's the same reason you put up with the ongoing dynamic until now. Only you can identify and deal with that.

You can’t be around people like that, OP. And your kids need to be protected. Never ever let them watch you be treated as such again, or condone how they were treated. How frightening to be stuck in a car with a raging nutter.

I just want to say a massive thank you to everybody that's replied. I went to bed after posting and I am just reading through the replies now.
There is no incoming drip feed. My friend always rages over things that other people find trivial. She acknowledges this, and has lost friends in the past because of it. She refuses to seek help though, and I've always stuck by her because for whatever reason I do care about her. She became almost like a family member.
My children and myself don't always make her wait if she's picking us up no. She said her reaction was a trigger from waiting for a previous friend who used to take the piss out of her 🙆‍♀️
I feel really hurt and disappointed a week later. My children said that they weren't scared, but totally uncomfortable, as was I.
I realise that I should have gotten us all out at the petrol garage, but we were in the middle of nowhere and I wasn't thinking rationally after being raged at out of nowhere.

This. Your behaviour was always as concerning as your friend’s, OP.

She is a bully, she doesn’t like you she just wants someone to pay her way. If you remain friends with her your children will thinks it’s normal to be abused and treated like shit. She even shouts at you in your own home because she finds it offensive you asked her to move her glass from the floor because you were tidying up!

This is shocking. I couldn't be friends with someone like this. I would txt her and say ‘I think you are right, that was too much the other day and I don’t want my children to be around that’.

Join community groups, volunteer,
join the PTA… there are ways to make other friends x

At the point where she refused to let you out of the car, she entered imprisonment mode and that is where any sense of understanding or forgiveness of her character failings must end...if not for you, it should at least protect any future passengers from this level of terrifying behaviour.

Give her a miss. If you will be frequenting the same events never accept any assistance from her.

Never be beholdant to her again.

Your children are too vulnerable and too precious.

Why would you be friends with such a fucking nutcase?! 🤣

Is it an option to forgive her? She’s said it’s best to stop talking so isn’t ball in her court?

We had a relative go off at me and my siblings/cousins once. I can't remember what he was so angry about but I remember exactly how I felt and that I had done nothing wrong. That was over 30 years ago and he was "just" shouting, not hitting anything.
I never saw him again as a kid, my mum said she was not willing to put us in that situation once she knew what his temper was like. I'm very grateful for that, it showed me you don't have to put up with being treated badly.

You can choose to move on from it, but you can't make your kids do the same.

This - from this point on you were hostages because you were no longer there by free will. I too, do not understand why you did not take the opportunity to leave at the garage, Surely you could have got a taxi home?

Maybe not but wonder if it will incentivise them to not be pissing about just as hbty as meant to be ready to step out the door. They aren't babies so should be organized.i have been known to shout at my own for such things

I had a close friend like that godmother to my son. She became like this. An absolute bitch. I know she was awful to her husband as well, an unhappy marriage. One day I pulled her up on it. All I said was "Just be kind". She left and I didn't see her again for years. I heard she left her husband and her job a short while after. I hope she found peace.

@PretzelPretzel make an effort to find new friends. It's not easy but it's for the best.

This isn't a healthy friendship. It sounds as though you both annoy each other over trivial things, ie the glass on the floor and her waiting in the car. She definitely has anger issues and it is damaging for your children to witness this.

She has told you that she doesn't want to be friends so let the friendship go.

I cannot believe you have allowed her to treat you like this. You pay petrol, entrance fees, just because she drives you? You tolerate her screaming at you and abusing you repeatedly? What the hell! You are demonstrating an awful doormat behaviour to your dc. Do you want them abused in future relationships? Because that’s what it is, abuse. She’s horrible, no way would I have her in my child’s life.

You can do both - forgive her but let the friendship go (as in stop meeting up with her) until/unless she gets help. At least she recognises that she has a problem. Focus on widening your friendship group, try taking up a hobby or joining a club.

I did politely suggest to her that she seek help, because her rage is getting worse. She outright refused, and told me that she doesn't need help and that she'll never change! She doesn't see the problem. She thinks her rages are justified.

Then you can't risk this happening again.

How are your children now? How do they feel and would they still want her in their lives?

If you still care for the friendship, let her know that the second she loses her cool, you will step away, end of.

In this instance, it would have been as soon as she started raising her voice when you got in the car. That might make her think.

I don't know where the OP lives but city dwellers on MN seem unable to envisage a situation where taxis are not easily available.

Maybe she has PDA and is just good at masking in public.

Your friend sounds unhinged. Please avoid her going forward, you would be unreasonable to risk putting yourself and the kids at risk of her angry outbursts even one more time. That would be a firm block and delete if a friend did that to me and mine even one time. Absolute psychotic behaviour from her. Your poor kids enduring that.

She sounds like a fruit loop and she behaved appallingly, so I'd bin her off.

However, your not being even nearly ready to leave at the agreed time is really rude and would have pissed me right off.

Personally I’d be stepping waaaaay back from this friendship. She’s got a problem, knows it, and refuses to do anything about it. Maybe see her alone occasionally if you must - I wouldn’t - but don’t subject your kids to her shit.