AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

[PretzelPretzel]

Long story short, myself and my almost teenage children were going out with a friend of mine for the day. My friend let us know when she had parked outside, and we were to leave our house and go to her car (as she wanted to go straight away and not come inside). It's typical that when we were about to leave, one child couldn't find their socks, and then the other child had to go and get changed after noticing a hole in the back of their trousers. This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). I realise that waiting is a pain in the arse, but I assumed that an apology from me would cut it.
Anyway, when we got into the car, she was very off with me and the children. She then started ranting and droning on about how we take the piss for making her wait. I apologised, but was told that my apology was not accepted as "you know I don't like waiting for anyone".
She literally ranted on and on for around 15minutes non stop. It was making the atmosphere in the car really awkward and uncomfortable, and she was starting to get louder and louder. I apologised again and asked how much longer she was going to go on about it? This enraged her further, and I was met with full on shouting, F bombs, and her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel. This carried on for another 10 or so minutes, continuous expletives and shouting. Myself and my children sat in silence/shock. I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused as she still wanted to go on our day out because I'd apparently already wasted enough of her time.
We spent the rest of the journey in awkward silence, until I was barked at to get out at the petrol station to buy her petrol. I'm not usually a push over, but was so in shock that I did what I was told.
We had a crap time once we arrived at the destination, as she was still raging and making snarky comments.
Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children. She has form for this, but I've always stood by her as I've known her and been close to her for years, long before I'd ever seen her rage. These rages are always over trivial things that other people wouldn't bother about.
AIBU if I forgive her?
Sould I just let her go?
Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently.

Does SHE have other friends, if she carries on like this?

Flashback to my abusive ex, who used to announce what he "didn't like" as if it were everyone else's job to arrange their lives around it, and go into rages about it, and just repeat "you KNOW I don't like x" if anyone objected. Any attempt to point out that we all have to cope with things we don't like sometimes without becoming abusive was like talking to a wall; his conviction that everyone else just needed to cater to his wants at all times was absolutely genuine. Still blames me, I hear - if I'd just done what he said at all times, we'd have been fine. No, he can't keep a job.

I wouldn't be friends with a person like this. At the very least she has anger issues that she needs to work on and resolve. It shouldn't take a week for her to realise her actions were wrong either

The one thing here in this woman's favour is that she knows she has an anger problem and that she needs to keep away from you and your children. She is absolutely right. She needs to sit with the consequences of her rage and then seek help to manage it. If you 'let it go' you will minimise it and delay that and it will keep happening.
I know it's hard when a person feels like all you've got. But the longer you stay in a toxic malfunctioning friendship the more it chips away at your ability to have healthy ones. Because this sort of treatment, bullying, intimidation and abuse, never knowing whether it will go well, walking on egg shells, it can ruin you over time and make you scared of people altogether, and that takes a lot for you to get back from.

No teach your children that is not acceptable behaviour. Making friends may not be easy but this friendship sounds as if it’s about her needs. Speaking to you like that in front of your dc is awful.

Nah, fuck that.

Shouting at me? I could probably move on from.

Shouting at my kids? Absolutely fucking not.

A friendship where you pay for everything and get treated like dirt?

What are you thinking OP?

Initially, when I read you’d kept her waiting, I was slightly annoyed. I’m sure you wouldn’t expect a taxi to wait 6 or 7 minutes. You should all have been ready five minutes before she was due.

However, her rant is totally unacceptable and unreasonable. You are setting a bad example to your children if you show them that’s how adults behave.

If you truly value the friendship then I’d try speaking to her once more to make clear her behaviour is unusual.

If she doesn’t see the error of her ways, then it’s time to say goodbye.

Jesus Christ op, cut her off immediately and raise your bar for friendships and people who are around your kids.

By all means forgive her, but do not continue to spend time with her or subject your kids to her.

She was abusive and has admitted she has anger issues. Keep yourself and your kids far far away.

What is your history with relationships and your parents that you are considering keeping a friend like this in your life?

I could forgive the outburst, eventually, if I truly cared about her, but I would never forgive being forced to stay in the car. No way.

I know it’s too late now but you should have got your kids to jump out at the petrol station and got a taxi home. That must have been horrible for them. You cannot continue to be friends with an abusive person. If you do then you’re teaching the children it’s okay to allow a friend or future partner to speak to you in an abusive way.

Do not be friends with her anymore.if she has a problem she needs to recognise it and try to identify why she’s like it, e.g hormonal or learned behaviour, it’s down to her to work on it and improve herself. At the moment she still has the rage and will always be unpredictable and unsafe to be around.

She sounds like a lunatic. I wouldn’t want my kids exposed to someone who appears unhinged and volatile, and I’d have no desire to continue a friendship with her myself.

She should speak to someone about her anger issues, but honestly I think you might also need to speak to someone about your own boundaries (I really do mean that kindly!) It really isn’t normal to accept behind spoken to like this by a ‘friend’. It sounds like you don’t have many other sources of support (does she give you lifts a lot?), but this is not a friendship OP, it’s toxic. I would absolutely not be seeing this woman again. You can let her know ‘you crossed a line today, and I think you need some professional support to help with your anger. I will not have that kind of behaviour around my children again, and think it’s best we part ways. I do wish you all the best in seeking help.’ And look for some new friends yourself.

She sounds unhinged and needs to remedy that through therapy or medication.

you'll see her again once she has done therapy for her rage and has the ability to behave proportionally to things that annoy her. One brief apology should have been enough for 6 minutes lateness.

Id be telling the kids what ive said so they can understand about boundary setting and you role model how not to be a walk over.

This isn't how friends behave. Why would you want spend any time in her company? As for exposing your children to such a deeply unpleasant person, words fail me.

I used to have a friend who used to keep me waiting for half an hour or an hour. When she told me her time was precious so she couldn't always leave the house on time I stopped making arrangements with her because my time was precious too.

What I didn't do was rage and shout at her and her children in the car. That is indefensible. We didn't completely stop being friends either just saw less of each other.

I agree. I did politely suggest to her that she seek help, because her rage is getting worse. She outright refused, and told me that she doesn't need help and that she'll never change! She doesn't see the problem. She thinks her rages are justified.

That is not OK - unless there is some huge backstory you need to find new friends - nobody should treat other people like that it sounds like a toxic relationship tbh

Ranting, raving and swearing at my kids would be the end of it for me.

Well in that case I’d be done with her and put the effort into making new friends.

I would never want to see her again. Why spend time with someone who makes you feel like that? And why on earth expose your children to it?

Nothing much to add. She is a willing participant in all of our outings. She's almost been like an auntie to my children.
She's lovely in public, and her colleagues all think she's wonderful, but I've seen multiple rages. I'm talking about little things she rages over too. Another example is when she was at mine, and she'd left her empty glass on the floor for hours. I wanted to tidy up and asked her politely to pick the glass up. I was told not yet. I asked again, and was told that she'd do it when she wanted to. I told her that I wanted it off of the floor now as I was tidying up, then she just exploded in a rage telling me that I had no right to demean her by repeatedly "demanding" her to pick a glass up. She sat in a sulk for about 10 minutes after that, then announced that she was going home. She still didn't pick her glass up.
I guess stupidly, I always accepted her outbursts because I was never in danger, and it was always over something so ridiculous. I know that it's her, not me.

You should of unloaded the children at the petrol stop. You allowed them to continue to be driven by an out of control abusive driver. That is a scary place to be.
Friendship needs to end and reasons discussed with DC, so that they feel valued and understand healthy relationships.
I would be appologising to my children for failing to protect them on the day. Assure them that they will not be seeing her again as the friendship is over.
Do some work on your own self esteem and healthy relationships.
I'm sure you will find new friends in time OP.

I would be giving this friend a wide berth going forward. She has serious anger management issues and this needs addressing. Has she always been this abusive? What about her relationships? If she refuses to get help I think I’d back away and limit interactions.
On a side note no I don’t think it’s normal when someone is picking you up to make them wait. You and teens should have been ready and waiting, maybe just put shoes on and out the door. However no excuse for her reactions