AIBU to forgive a friend who shouted at me and my children?

[PretzelPretzel]

Long story short, myself and my almost teenage children were going out with a friend of mine for the day. My friend let us know when she had parked outside, and we were to leave our house and go to her car (as she wanted to go straight away and not come inside). It's typical that when we were about to leave, one child couldn't find their socks, and then the other child had to go and get changed after noticing a hole in the back of their trousers. This delayed us getting to my friends car by about 6-7 minutes after she'd parked up (honestly it was no longer, and we don't usually do this). I realise that waiting is a pain in the arse, but I assumed that an apology from me would cut it.
Anyway, when we got into the car, she was very off with me and the children. She then started ranting and droning on about how we take the piss for making her wait. I apologised, but was told that my apology was not accepted as "you know I don't like waiting for anyone".
She literally ranted on and on for around 15minutes non stop. It was making the atmosphere in the car really awkward and uncomfortable, and she was starting to get louder and louder. I apologised again and asked how much longer she was going to go on about it? This enraged her further, and I was met with full on shouting, F bombs, and her fist banging the door on her side, and the steering wheel. This carried on for another 10 or so minutes, continuous expletives and shouting. Myself and my children sat in silence/shock. I then asked her to pull over and let us out of the car, but was refused as she still wanted to go on our day out because I'd apparently already wasted enough of her time.
We spent the rest of the journey in awkward silence, until I was barked at to get out at the petrol station to buy her petrol. I'm not usually a push over, but was so in shock that I did what I was told.
We had a crap time once we arrived at the destination, as she was still raging and making snarky comments.
Once home, I ignored her for a week, until she called to apologise. Then she said it's best we stop talking altogether because her rage was always taking over and she didn't want to keep upsetting me and my children. She has form for this, but I've always stood by her as I've known her and been close to her for years, long before I'd ever seen her rage. These rages are always over trivial things that other people wouldn't bother about.
AIBU if I forgive her?
Sould I just let her go?
Friends are hard to come by, and I've not got any others currently.

This OP. Step away. Tell her to consider counselling. May be dont meet up for a couple of months may be six months. Then if you still feel a need for this friendship, meet her alone and see if she has had help and grown.

Oh at the filling station you should have taken your kids and called a taxi.

I think you're leaving your kids in a really weird situation, so I'd bin her

I can’t imagine she’s got any other friends either she sounds a total cunt. I know it’s hard to make friends as an adult but you can do better than her

Ideally you should have been waiting on your door step / on the pavement but I know what kids are like with last minute issues leaving the house. Your friend sounds batshit. I wouldn’t have continued the trip let alone the friendship.

If a "friend" behaved like that to me they would find they were no longer a friend of mine, no amount of apologies excuses such bad behaviour. I would rather have no friends than one as deranged as she sounds.

This sounds like a hormone imbalance and can absolutely send someone who is not normally like this into a horrible rage over nothing. She needs to go to her gp and get some counselling as well. I would avoid until she gets herself sorted!

Your being late was annoying but her reaction was way over the top. I can't believe you were so passive about this. What did that teach your children about behaviours to accept in a friendship? And what would it teach them now if you continue with her?

Better no friendship than being treated like that. Unless there are enormous mitigating circumstances, I would not bother with her any more.

How did you and your children get home?

She needs to see someone about this or I’d stay away. Unfortunately pulling the old MN double standard if she was a man (I know we’re more violent) you would be told she’s dangerous and she could actually kill you . Erratic behaviour while driving not letting you out of the car is concerning.

There’s absolutely no way I would be traveling in her car again when displays such rage! How can she possibly concentrate on road safety when she’s lashing out like that!? Plus it isn’t ideal behaviour towards children either. She needs help with anger issues definitely!

You’re putting your friends feelings above your kids. That would have been a deeply unpleasant and probably frightening situation for them. Agree with others who’ve said show them they should not accept this off people in their lives. Cut her off.

Your so-called “friend” is a nasty piece of work. She put your kids life in danger by raging at you whilst driving, then you meekly paid for her petrol?!
What example do you think that sets for your children about allowing others to treat you appallingly and just taking it?
No, OP, you should not forgive this horribly abusive “friend”. You’re better off without friends if this is how you and your kids are being treated by them.

If you do want to revive this friendship then at least keep your kids out of it

This or just asked her to drop you all off somewhere. I wouldn't take that.

Holy cow. Why would you ever associate with this nutter? She has serious issues.

If I asked any driver to pull over and let me and my children out and they refused, I honestly can’t see any reason to continue that friendship. That alone would be the line for me.

It’s interesting that she’s the one suggesting you stop talking because she knows her rage takes over. If she genuinely means it, I’d take the offer.

You can forgive her without continuing the friendship. As a child, I wouldn’t want to see my mum repeatedly hanging out with someone this volatile, and as a mum I wouldn’t want my children exposed to it, especially when their safety is involved.

I’m wondering how often you keep her waiting.

Forgive her if you like, but never let her around you or your kids again

Yes let her go.

Who needs friends like that.

Your life will be much better without her.

My closest friend doesn't drive and keeps me waiting outside her house for far longer than this all the time. I have never once done anything vaguely like this. Its not normal and it's not okay, even if you kept her waiting all day

I would have got the kids out at the petrol station and called a taxi

Yeah - asked for her to pull over to let them out the car, refused, then she stops at a petrol station and didn’t say ok this is where we say bye?!? I never understand all these people on Mumsnet who claim to be in too much shock to think of a basic thing like this.

Block her and move on. You dont want this type of abusive person near your children.

She put your children in danger with her rage in the car, punching things as she drove and shouting and refusing to let you out.
I wouldn't have continued that journey once she stopped the car. Id have got my children out and called an uber.

You can forgive her, but also explain that you will not be putting your children in a position where her anger will affect them again. Also explain this to your children- they need to know you are protecting them.

She definitely wanted the day out, which is why she refused to let us out of the car during her outburst. She definitely can't be feeling used as it's mainly me who pays for everything for her. I'm embarrassed to admit, that even after her behaviour and the barking order for petrol (which I don't mind paying), I paid for her ticket to enter the destination. I've always paid for her on days out, even though she has a well paid job. She's never questioned it, and never offered to pay her way. I assumed that it was because she's the driver. I always pay for the petrol for her too, out of courtesy. She's just never barked at me like that or ordered me to do it. Reading that back makes it all sound even worse to me.

she Crossed lines so no, don’t forgive her. Plus your kids need to know that no one should be treated that way. Unacceptable.