AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

Of course a lot of things are. The fact that you do want more communication means obviously that you want more from him than he's willing to give. He also won't know how you feel until you actually tell him. If you would rather just date then that's fine. Casual sex isn't for everyone.

Ask yourself…….do you actually get any sexual pleasure out of the current arrangement or do you feel good simply because he’s pleasured himself with your body?

I think that you are being naive here.
Most men in fwb do not actually want to be friends with the woman.
I can't believe any woman think that they do.

Just stop seeing him - or not-and find friendship with other women in your area.
Or hang out with some people in a group you're interested in or something.

Or some elderly guys at your local you can have a pleasant chat with. Anything but this shit.

Men as a rule have no use for female friendship. It's a myth.

@AdeptLilacHare

You met on a dating app. Did your profile and his say FWB only?

"Men as a rule have no use for female friendship. It's a myth."

Rubbish. I have been friends with my husband, and he with me, for decades.
We have more fun with each other than with anyone else.

It’s not that, Im not lacking any other friendships with females or males or simply seeking friendship from someone. As said before I was more trying to get some clarity on what a “casual sex” or “fwb” entailed as I’d never done it before and was looking for opinions from others who had been in similar arrangements

That’s a really good question, I mean the sex is good but I guess sex with someone with more communication and connection would be better

it's no good for you. you need to stop doing this.

It's casual sex. You aren't friends.

Yes, and we chatted a lot before meeting. Both agreeing on what we wanted.
but since then after each encounter the communication has got less and less

There's nothing wrong with enjoying casual sex; however, please accept it for what it is.

The 3 meet ups… who’s hosted?

You tried it, you're not feeling it, he clearly thinks there's no need to put in any effort in terms of social niceties, , you used protection, end the arrangement , no harm done.

But is it not awkward having sex with someone in those circs? No chat first, no social lubrication , flirting, or of the alcohol variety or otherwise?

I did something like this with an ex for a while, many years ago, a booty call type arrangement. We were using each other I guess, but we had a shared history so, while it was horribly ill-advised it wasn't weird or awkward getting from the point of opening the door to the bedroom stage. If the person was a total stranger I'm not sure how it works on the cold light of day, so to speak..

Him twice, myself once

He is not interested in communicating. This is how most men view casual hookups.

Er, he's your husband. 😕

Thanks for replying. I don’t think I’d want to change it either.

Last time I looked, he was male.😆

@AdeptLilacHare ,

‘It’s not that, Im not lacking any other friendships with females or males or simply seeking friendship from someone. As said before I was more trying to get some clarity on what a “casual sex” or “fwb” entailed as I’d never done it before and was looking for opinions from others who had been in similar arrangementS’

I don’t think that you are going to get the clarity that you want from here; people all have different needs and desires. Personally, I’d hate something as cold as you have, as I enjoy the flirtation and getting to know someone. Maybe I would have liked it when I was much much younger (maybe not though).

The thing is some people would find it ideal. But how would that help you?

You aren’t happy and, if you try to force it because randomers on the internet tell you it is what you agreed, you will really get the ick big time! Ultimately, you owe him nothing. Bye bye, next….

Ooops....I was answering the last sentence. 😊

As people have said, this is a fuckbuddy not FWB. I had a fuck buddy for a while when I was younger, exactly the same situation, we wouldnt have general chatter just a text to each other to see who was free. When he arrived at mine we would get straight to it as soon as he came in the door lol it was great sex but thats all it was, I knew thats all it was so I didnt let myself develop feelings and after a while I just stopped it. Ive had FWB too and yes thats more going out for dinner, cinema, drinks and actually having a friendship and contact.
If you are not happy with the situation just end it, at least he was honest and upfront.

I’ve never done a FWB, but it doesn’t sound too good. 🤷‍♀️