AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

Every right to ask, yes. But him telling me the truth, that wouldn’t have happened. Not if he had a gf/wife. Other women… maybe, but I doubt he would have told me the truth still

I said no several times because the idiot didn't actually tell me where he lived in his messages.
I slept with him a few times then I just thought something feels off.

He refused to tell you where he lived?

He didn't refuse. He just messaged me a few times asking me to come to his when I didn't know where he lived. We hadn't spoken to one another in 25 years by that point so I was hardly likely to know where his house was -does that clarify

So you didn’t sleep with him because he didn’t give you his address

then he did

so you slept with him?

What are you going on about. Do you want to know a two page background about the entire situation?

I quoted you

you said you didn’t sleep with him because he didn’t tell you where he lived

then you slept with him. Presumably because he told you his address 😆

Oooh I have actually done this, I had a FWB situation that went on for years (I’m not interested in a real relationship as don’t want to complicate my life and have children.)

With this guy he would usually come over and we’d maybe watch some tv or have a takeaway, then get down to it. On occasion we went to something like a comedy club (neither of us really drink so no pub) then he’d come back and stay at mine. It was never JUST sex, we did catch up with each other first.

Once we knew each other better we planned little trips, we’ve been to a spa together a few times, did an air bnb and hiking / foodie weekend. We always acted like friends in public ie no hand holding or kissing when out, and if someone had asked we would have said we’re just friends. But we slept together in private.

I would say that for me I enjoyed the friendship around it just as much - we chatted about work stuff, our families, caught up just like friends would do and even chatted on the phone sometimes. Even supported each other emotionally on the phone through a few things. However neither of us EVER wanted more, we never discussed ‘us’ it was just understood that we were friends only. I can’t stress enough that you can’t do this with someone you have feelings for, it has to be someone who is on exactly the same page as you.

No. You selectively quoted two sentences.

He messaged me asking me to go to his for a drink if you really want to know. He didn't message me saying come to mine for a shag and even if he had -whats it got to do with you. The answer is fuck all.

Full quote

Ah I see. He invited you over a few times but the dumb ass didn’t give you his address

This is refreshing to read.

A mutually beneficial engagement, equal in every measure.

This is what I said.

"He found me online and asked me to go to his "

I didn't say anywhere that he asked me to go to his for a fuck

Neither did I say anywhere that I jumped into bed with him the night that I went to his.

It helps if people don't fill in the blanks that you didn't actually say.

Yes.

Yes, it's highly unlikely he would have told you, as it might have turned you off him altogether.

Bloody hell…. To invite someone over multiple times for drinks but then repeatedly ignore multiple requests for your address - I think I’d have been worried about his IQ

Why do you need the talking in between? I honestly don't understand this and I think this is why people are struggling. It's fine to meet someone every few weeks and have 40 minutes of casual sex but you want to chat in between. It keeps going back to the same thing. You hardly know the guy. You met once for a drink and then you slept with him

Some men are not good at small talk/texting at the best of times. They don't want to be texting someone they hardly know in between shagging them.

If you really want this kind of relationship then you are going to have to find someone who wants to be your mate and who is comfortable texting you and who wants to sleep with you too. This guy is a complete stranger. For all you know he didn't want to meet you and didn't want to do chatting and texting. He just wanted sex . And in that kind of arrangement it's completely normal that you wouldn't hear from him until he wanted to sleep with you again.

I suspect he was probably pissed. I didn't actually request his address from him. He just kept messaging me saying come up and bring some wine up and when he didn't tell me his address I thought he had had a few too many and left it.

I say this in a kind way as if I were addressing a friend, but what difference would a little idle chit chat between meet-ups made? Eff all.

You'd still be in a situation where it was fb only.

A few text messages mean nothing.

Why don't you just be honest with yourself and admit you wanted more.
We are not men, we can get seriously attached very quickly to a man who is good in bed.
(I shouldn't have to say generally speaking but I will.)

You're not the first woman to find this after agreeing to fb only, you won't be the last.
There's no need to pretend otherwise. There's no shame in it.

Most here have had casual sex just the number of partners vary.

There's no shame in hoping for more. Why don't you just be honest with yourself.

Because honestly this a few more texts stuff isn't really fooling many.

I wouldn't be concerned with the talking ... not interested.

Give me another orgasm. I want your body, not your heart.

😂

He's not thick. Far from it. He's been running a very successful business since he was 16 years old and he does very well for himself.

I’ve said several times, I would expect someone to have basic manners and respect.
That, for me, goes in the way of not just fucking someone and kicking them out.

it could be , we had sex then just him asking how it was or if I need a drink or just general chat for a little bit. Not stay for hours chatting, no endless conversations, no texting throughout the day.

just basic manners.

not just fuck someone and give them their clothes both get dressed in silence and leave.

id imagine that even a prostitute likes a little conversation with her clients

Or perhaps to feel less used because people are lining up to call her a prostitute on here. I think sometimes people look for validation because people are very quick to judge when it comes to very casual sex

I understand but this happens I remember guy I used to work with saying that he had really dirty sex with women he hardly knew then they just jumped up and put their clothes back on.

You met on an app
exchanged some messages clarifying what you both want
You met up for drinks to discuss what you both wanted even more (weird)
He gave you the impression that he would treat you with respect and manners? So all depends really on what you agreed during the drinks about what the arrangement was