AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

If you are as clear about what you want in RL as you have been on this thread @AdeptLilacHare , no wonder he got the wrong end of the stick.

I meant for the rest of us

For goodness sake, the entire point of a fwb/fb situation is that there is no bonding.

And an extremely good one.
He understands women.
Don't get too close to a fuckbuddy/fwb being a rule he very, very wisely lives by.

To me it sounds like he indeed has a wife or girlfriend at home and I think likely blocked/muted you between fucks. When he had some free time away from his partner he’d message you for sex then not contact you till he fancied it again. Not nice to think of if this way but you were essentially a free sex worker.

Could it not just be that he met the Op, doesn’t want to pursue any kind of relationship, not interested in her in any shape or form but just fancies off meet up for purely sex when he has nothing better to do (hence every few weeks)?

@TotaleclipseinFrance ,

‘I don't think you have any deep understanding of female nature at all. In fact I think you know very little.’

You thought about me all night just to have a go at a personal attack on an anonymous site?! I mean, whatever floats your boat, but it seems a little odd.

I don’t think I have claimed some special knowledge about ‘female nature’, other than there isn’t an identikit and they are actual individuals and we should probably take them at their word.

‘In fact he's probably witnessed the dark side of female nature.
Women sleeping with him on their hen night.
I didn't do this. I didn't even have a hen night. But, yes, I've seen this happen when I've been on hen nights.’

OMG, stop the press! Drunk women sometimes have drunken sex with strangers. Not sure I’d call that a ‘dark side’, other than our drinking culture.

’Since she has revealed that he has given her an orgasm and the sex is mind-blowing it it patently obvious that she wants more now. Patently obvious.’

Now, in addition to attacking me, you have decided to have a go at the OP (and women in general) and call the OP a liar. She said the sex was good, not mind blowing. And he gave her an orgasm. Orgasms aren’t that rare nor most women that desperate that they are instantly addicted to a man who has given her one; they’re not crack cocaine. She has said that she has blocked him. What, precisely, don’t you understand about that?

‘I suspect that you're one of those men always ready to be the shoulder to cry on for your female friends but not really reading between the lines with a cynical ear.’

I’m not sure that is much of a criticism, really. Why would I want to ‘read between the lines’ of someone who wants support and comfort? Are you middle aged woman still addicted to ‘bad boys’?

Could be but the lack of engagement between sex including ignoring her and claiming he lost his phone makes me suspicious.

Well, we have to acknowledge exactly what the arrangement was.

He wanted your cookie because it was available.

I haven't thought about you all night at all.
Men who hang around mostly female websites don't float my boat. I don't consider it to be a masculine thing to do.

I specifically said women on their hen nights not just drunkenly having sex. That's fine. You know that though.

It is kind of rare for a man to give a mind-blowing sex.

I'm not into bad boys. Never have been.

There's a whole range of possibilities between men who hang around female websites and bad boys, BTW.

In my experience, men who have lots of female friends- which in my experience means you have another woman expecting your bf to fix this or that for them or be a shoulder to cry on are a pain in the arse.

Does it matter if casual encounters are mature or not?

You're there for the sex, not his heart.

You’ve got to try things to explore your boundaries and what you are comfortable with. This is not FWB but a hookup partner situation. Sounds like this is not your cup of tea. Be honest and communicate that. I tried this for 6 months. The person was lovely and respectful and shared many day to day chats however I called it off eventually as I realised I was more of a relationship person. I wanted more.

@Newbutoldfather nice bit of sexism with the middle-aged woman comment BTW.

Fuck boys know how to charm.

It's why you fuck them and leave.

😅

Who knows whether he is attached or not. Either way, he wants sex without a connection.

Perhaps he did the OP a favour.

The baseline- you are having FWB set up purely on his terms. If you are not happy, tell him your version of FWB. Prepare to walk away.
On a side note, do not get too invested, broaden your options, multi date.

I find this man rather peculiar and disquieting.

Yep.
She needs to broaden her horizons and while there is nothing wrong with women having casual sex, if they expect real connections they should probably wait a while before doing the deed.

My argument throughout this has not been about hating casual sex, it's been about the ludicrousness about expecting a casual sex partner to be your mate.

Ditto.

Stop picking fights with women. You're a man, and you're being sassy.

I was enjoying some of your perspectives, but now you're just being petulant and grating.

Whether it's what you want can only be answered by yourself really. Sounds a bit soulless for me personally but everyone's different.

If it's not what you want bin him.

She was not a sex worker. Give me strength. There are people who meet like this all the time. It does not mean she was a sex worker

No they weren't. They met on a dating site.

You say:

"Not just lets fuck and be on our way. Me, personally I hate that"

So do something about it then. You created the situation you hate, sort it.

I was just replying to a question, his immaturity didn’t bother me whilst we were having sex, no.