AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

So what does he say when you message him after?

Or do you not?

Definitely more fuck buddies than friends with benefits, regardless

Though please do ignore all of the pearl clutchers getting themselves in a twist over someone wanting a shag/casual sex

There is 1000% nothing wrong in that, just make sure you're getting what you want

Ive messaged him after and he just would take ages to reply with some bullshit excuse 😅

im aware I have been completely naive and clearly showing my lack of experience in this field of “arrangements”

As some have said they’re very happy with nothing more than literally just sex and zero communication or social niceties and some have said they’ve enjoyed casual sex but with the extra communication.

We all learn from somewhere. Get back out there and have great sex 😊

The entire thread is about how the OP wants more than just sex 😆

The entire thread is about how the OP wants more than just sex 😆

But if that’s the case, why was she pursuing a FWB arrangement?

She’s lived and learned

It wasn’t most just assumed I wanted more than sex for some reason.
id said I just wanted sex.

He said casual and that's what you're getting. He has not been using you, he was quite clear and you agreed. If it's not what you want, time to stop replying and hooking up

Why are you doing it ? A friend with benefits is supposed to benefit both parts , if it’s leaving you feeling bad walk away .

But you didn’t

the thread is about you wanting more than just sex

What a complete waste of time this thread has been 😆

Then why are you whinging he didn’t give you more and text you etc?

If there is one thing ive learned its that men and women need to listen to what each other is saying and accept it .. don't pull things apart and hope for something different.
Listen... he just wants sex you have changed not him .. he told you in the beginning what he wanted.
Accept it or put a stop to the situation..its really simple and it saves these pointless feelings.. I guess life experience teaches this.

Whinging that I expected some basic manners and respect so as to not feel like ‘just a hole’

I don’t think it has been at all.
I asked for some insight from other people who may have been in similar situations and got many people’s different perspectives and personal experiences. It’s been very insightful and educational

I don't think that terminology helps either although I'm aware other people said it. You wanted sex you got it. If you really do want a friends with benefits arrangement rather than the one you had then you are better off sleeping with a male friend. Someone you know rather than some random guy you met once then slept with. You don't know this guy. You know nothing about him. He's a complete stranger you met online. He owes you nothing and you owe him nothing. If you can't cope with feeling like this then casual sex like this isn't for you and that's fine.

He wasn't a friend with benefits. He was a random guy she went for a drink with and then slept with

So the extra communication makes you feel better about sleeping with someone casually and someone you don't know very well?

Yes absolutely if I’m meeting someone regularly for sex.

You're not always going to get that. What you are essentially looking for is a boyfriend. Not a no strings sex based relationship

If I had a boyfriend but just wanted to have sex with him and expected him to be respectful and talk to me after sex not just grab his stuff and leave every time that doesn’t sound like a relationship to me? No staying over, refusing to go to dinners, romantic walks, holidays with him etc
The former sounds very casual to me

Yes not a friend at all.

Just free sex on tap when wanted after a text message. You feel used because you are used.

You are being treated how you allow him to treat you.

I agree. A lot of people are very black and white about FWB on MN. If you have such a relationship then the man doesn’t even need to have any manners. And if you expect that you’re either naive or deserve what you get.

Personally I think that’s hogwash. I’m sure there are men that don’t want commitment but can manage conversations and the odd drink out. The point with FWB is there’s no development in the relationship; you’re not expecting it to go somewhere or have more commitment over time. It doesn’t mean he gets to treat you like a piece of meat or you him or at least it shouldn’t do.

I just don’t get how it’s sexy with no flirting, laughing, bonding. It’s so transactional. Yuck.