AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

We don’t know she hasn’t blocked him

Hence me asking

Yeah but I think what I mean is without any contact at all? Not with someone that takes you out or even with a different person every time (I can totally see and understand how that would be arousing). I can totally understand it as a one off but I wonder how people do it over time with the same person if there’s absolutely no contact before or after? You would have to really fancy someone wouldn’t you? And you don’t totally fancy that many people you meet do you or is that just me? Or do some people not need to fancy the person in order to enjoy the sex?

Ah okay, he must be very confident to be able to do that I think. Perhaps he has more than one person that he has this arrangement with.

Yes, I know that I was making that comment based on the thread and answers or rather lack of it and cherry picking.

I get that she’s not forthcoming and she’s been on the thread but cherry picks what to answer but she will now appear to say she had blocked him, no doubt.

Ive seen you’ve suggested some sensible things and another poster has given good advice but she seems rather defensive to it so I am speculating she’s not blocked him and any no contact isn’t her choice.

He has all the power because she gave it to him.

Unless the sex is mind blowing.. what are you getting out of this?

Yes and she accepts that

Being ‘used’ l.

I don’t know, perhaps it really is as empowering as we are all told it is or ultimately, it reduces women to nothing more than an object left feeling ‘used’.

If you feel that way, dump him and move on. What's the point of him if a dildo does a better job.

You ask: "Do I just accept this for what it is?" No. You absolutely don't have to accept anything. You can get out asap.

That’s exactly what a FWB is. I did it once and the guy would text me loads. He would also hang around and chat afterwards. I told him that’s not what this arrangement is, get up and go! I broke it off when he tried to get me to stay the night. That wasn’t part of the arrangement. We have sex, that’s it. Might sound harsh but I literally just wanted sex. If I wanted a boyfriend I would have got one.

Yes I’ve blocked him, I did explain that this whole arrangement wasn’t working and think it’s best we don’t see each other again. Waited for a reply but it’s been hours and nothing, so I have blocked him

Yes, the sexual chemistry would have off the Richter scale unless there's other arrangements in place 😉

Is casual sex prostitution?

Good on you

and keep it like that!

Oh, dear. He was a straggler, holding on for company? 🤣

Good for you!

i Would say that many different situations could be seen as prostituting yourself, but I wouldn’t outwardly call someone a prostitute for having casual sex

You're not a prostitute.

There's always a degree of hostility towards women who enjoy casual sex, which men have the luxury of not experiencing.

I mean you arent friends. But also if you are FWB theres a risk of feelings. Youre less likely to get attached to this one. And also this is EXACTLY what you bargained for. If you no longer like it, just say sorry I dont want to do this again and move on.

Interesting haha.

I wouldnt pursue more with this one. If you want more end it.

Tbh id find the whole thing unsatisfying.

Also you probs arent the only booty call he has so condoms for EVERYTHING even if you are on birth control

Yes I’ve blocked him, I did explain that this whole arrangement wasn’t working and think it’s best we don’t see each other again. Waited for a reply but it’s been hours and nothing, so I have blocked him

I never understand that point of blocking but I am glad you texted him and ended a situation that wasn’t working for you.

Yes of course you can. I only did it once totally unplanned and random. He seemed a nice guy. He wasn't forceful or anything. He asked to see me again. I didnt though and told him we won't be keeping in touch.

At no point did I think I was a prostitute. This thread is laughable.

This is basically what FWB is, and it is highly unlikely to change into anything meaningful. If you want something more, end your arrangement with this guy and go and find one that wants you for a relationship.

Yes, after the first time I had sex with him I text to say I’d had a nice time and looking forward to next time.

I’ve just been disappointed at the lack of manners and some form of respect I guess.
However he has now been blocked and I guess I can just learn from this and communicate some different boundaries and expectations next time I try to peruse any form of relationship