AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

Wanting a connection was likely true. Simply for him it wasn’t there on meeting, this is not negative about you. It is simply for him it didn’t have legs. I am sure you’ve met men, looking for a connection and when you met them thought this won’t work. I don’t wish a relationship with this man. Thay doesn’t mean you don’t want a connection, just not with this person. Not every one you meet is someone you wish a relationship with.

the difference here is I think the sex bit, you’d not go on to have sex with that man, but men will do this, as long as the woman isn’t heinous. He just saw it as a physical act as you were willing.

im glad you’ve moved on,and I think can grow from this. Dont settle for less when you want more, sex is never ever going to get you there.

I'm an open book.

I've engaged in sex work since I was 18. At first, I worked on webcam sites, performing and selling items. Ultimately, I did it to pay off my university fees. This progressed to having sugar daddies, alongside being an escort till my mid-twenties.

It's not for everyone, and I will not try to convince others to do it, but I made a lot of money from it.

I like sex and wanted to get paid for it. The cookie wasn't free and came with a steep price tag 😂

It's not sad it's reality.

In any case, even if you do have all these female friends, would you tarnish it and risk changing things by having sex with them?

Surely you wouldn't want to spoil things.

Do you send him a text after each hook-up, saying "thanks" or whatever?

No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text

So you don’t message him? No “casual conversation” from you, and in fact it is him who instigates contact by suggesting another meet up.

Getting to know someone, finding them attractive personality as well as physically, things in common

Right so he outright lied. From the very first meeting post that drinks chat.

I am not clear what contact you make though?

Thanks for your transparency and your attitude is entirely refreshing.

Even though it’s not for me, if you’re going to do, do it safely and make sure the rewards outweigh the risk.

Sounds like you fully utilised it to your advantage and kudos.
Rather see posts like this than another woman being manipulated and heartbroken.

What do you mean? I’ve said texts phone calls

Yet you're a man posting here acting like he's an authority on women.

I bet @BlueFahrenheit understands men better than you do women.

@TotaleclipseinFrance ,

‘Yet you're a man posting here acting like he's an authority on women.’

Am I? Show me the statement(s) where I have stated what ‘women want’ or ‘what women are like’?

I think I treat both sexes as individuals and with respect.

So after sex… when you say zero contact from him… are you saying that you message him and he just ignores you?

ATP I detect OP to be very defensive and not as forthcoming as she is with the paramour who’s leaving her used and confused.

She knows he was running game on her but seem rather prickly with anyone showing her this.

It is all over the place

You may very well do that doesn't mean you know anything about female nature, though.

Clearly while it is totally proper to treat men and women as individuals in some regards, there is no doubt that there are indeed significant differences between the sexes which nobody could deny.

The OP clearly feels used and this guy clearly is out for a quick shag and there are indeed men who aren't that fussy about who they shag. No disrespect to the OP meant here.

Have you never heard of gloryholes?

Tell me where is the female equivalent? Or indeed the female equivalent of cottaging?
They don't exist.

There's not that many women paying for sex, either, BTW.

I’ve messaged a couple times, and yeah it would be a message back a week or so later with some excuse

FWB means different things to different people. You weren’t friends with him as you’ve met up purely for sex. Some people have been actually friends with their FWB person. But you hooked up with a stranger. There’s no rules about it. So if you want the sex then carry on, or look for someone else if you want the relationship to be a bit different to what you have now.

Yeah, I did say previously I felt misled, then was told “no, he didn’t mislead you”

Ok can you just answer this

you say “zero contact” after sex
and then weeks later he messages you asking for sex

Do you message him and he just ignores you?

You felt used

you knew he would not message unless sex was involved.

You continued to engage in sex after it happened the first time, at least twice more.

You thought having sex with this person would develop something meaningful which you’re trying to seek as under the guise of a ‘little’ knowing about each other.

You agreed to sex thinking you could circumvent it to your advantage but he made sure he spun it directly to his advantage.

Its been made beyond clear what’s happened, you said you have accepted it but I suspect you haven’t and once more, he will have easy access to you.

When did you have this exchange? After sex on the third and last occasion? Or via messaging?

Yes you’re being used for sex. Block him .

What have your messages been like? Suggesting a sex meet up? Or a “hi, how are you? What you been up to?”

Does it really matter ?