AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

Why can’t you text him?

I presume a friend? Wires are getting crossed once we add sex in the mix without a clear conversation.

Some people have said on here that they do have connections with people they have casual sex with

Even if someone is polite and takes you to a restaurant and you spend all evening together. Ultimately it boils down to the same thing. OP is getting attached or is wanting something more serious which she is entitled to feel.

It's very simple. Don't have sex with friends.

I'm of the opinion men don't really want women as actual friends, anyway.
Acquaintances? Yes. Acquaintances they may care for just a bit? Possible. A nice woman they can have a chat with in the pub? Yeah maybe.

Friends? No.

And if he really is that unicorn that sees a woman as a genuine friend and she means a lot to him he won't want to spoil it with sex, anyway.

So for men fwb= woman I shag. Simple as that.

I can't believe so many women out there fall for the fwb con.
They obviously do, though, because the OP wouldn't be posting here otherwise.

You clearly understand the difference between a fuck buddy and a friend with benefits.

OP has admitted she was naive to entertain something as casual as a fuck buddy.

100% agree with you.

How can you build a connection with someone you've met once before you sleep with them? Would you feel better if you stayed overnight with him or vice versa? The thing is. You say you just wanted sex -nothing more. But that's what you are getting. He's sleeping with you and leaving. If there was a genuine connection he would be maintaining it. He just wants sex and nothing else. That's clear.

@TotaleclipseinFrance ,

‘I'm of the opinion men don't really want women as actual friends, anyway.
Acquaintances? Yes. Acquaintances they may care for just a bit? Possible. A nice woman they can have a chat with in the pub? Yeah maybe.

Friends? No’

Where do you get that totally archaic view from? Most of my best friends are women. I have had some for over 40 years (uni friends). Occasionally, way back when, we may have fancied one another at different times, or wanted more. But definitely just strong platonic friendships for decades through marriages, children etc etc

I think since men and women have enjoyed equality at universities and in the work place, they have enjoyed platonic friendships.

I just don’t believe you have any evidence to support that rather sad and reductive viewpoint.

There are plenty of people who have friends of the opposite sex without sex being involved.

I think the issue is what society can think of women who have casual sex and sometimes women can talk themselves into thinking that more is going to come from it because of comments that get directed at them -and we've seen some of them on this thread

I'd be lying if I did I had never had casual sex. I have. But it's not for me. Other people are fine with it.

Well with the current arrangement, the only thing missing is him making a payment.

Respect to those women that can have sex without needing an emotional or physical connection but judging by the OP even she realises something is missing.

I do wonder, despite this push of feminism, it’s almost so much easier for men to use and abuse women with rather little ramifications because women apparently enjoy such an arrangement.

I think you’re misdirecting your anger. Yes you asked for a connection, but did the convo really go, we can have casual sex, with you saying only if there is a connection?because they are contradictory

yes it looks like unpaid prostitution. Turn up. Fuck, leave. he didn’t want more than sex. Getting angry at posters is pointless. It’s him and you yoire angry at, him for just wanting what he said he wanted and you for providing sex in the hope of more.

in my experience it is rare a woman can turn up. Fuck a man on demand,and walk away, no emotion. Yes some can, but it’s not the norm. Men can do this. It’s why prostitution is a thing.

just end it and block him and never agree to sex with a man when you want more. You should never have shagged him rhe second time.

Hang 0n she wasn’t used ans abused. She willingly agreed fhis. He told her it was causal sex. She even hosted him twice, also went to his house to shag him. This was consensual.

Agree with this, even those platonic friendships are usually men that would, given half the chance, jump at the chance if the woman gave the green light.

I’ve seen so many friends over the years claim to have a friendship with a man, they’ve stuck around until they got their moment and, inevitably when it all sours, said friendship ended too.

Did I say it wasn’t consensual?

You can be used and abused despite consenting…

The fact OP is finding the situation odd that she’s on here, suggests she knows she isn’t getting anything besides average sex, if that from him.

He is using her for easy access, she has realised this was never a FWB situation because there is no friendship.

That’s why she’s on here.

She is feeling a type of way and like I said, the only thing lacking was a form of monetary payment.

Men tend not to get caught up in the emotions sex can bring, unlike some women.

For me, sex and lovemaking are separate. I've had many casual encounters; sex was simply sex. I was not trying to connect with a hookup.

A connection with someone I’m going to sleep with regularly? I myself like to get to know someone a little, which I explained to him and he was fine with that. if others don’t that’s also fine, what are you on about?

I find it odd that when two people have consenting sex that they've agreed to that it's the woman that gets compared to a prostitute. She's using him for sex as well.

@DestituteDesperate you are taking things way too far. Its completely natural for OP to feel like this. She now how come to the realisation after trying something the reality is - its not for her her which is absolutely fine. Don't make this something it isn't loads of people have casual sex doesnt make us prostitutes minus the payment how RUDE!!

Putting it simply I don’t want a complete stranger I’ve not spoken to or no nothing about to put their penis in me. If I find the guy dull, misogynistic, just a bit of a dick I don’t want to have sex with them. Whereas some people may not care as long as the sex is good. I hope that clears it up

She isn't a sex worker.