AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

I don't see men taking their casual hookups to the theatre or musicals. Heck, most married men aren't even doing this.

They aren't friends.

Why would he invest this much time in the OP when he has a roster of women available?

He only wants to know when she's available for sex.

Of course, he does. Many men do.

My cookie was never free 💰.

🤣

She doesn't want to be dating him. Nowhere has she said that. She just wants a bit of chit chat between meet ups because being "friends" usually makes for better sex for a woman.

We don't know if he has a roster.
Agreed - they aren't friends at the moment.
Not sure what you are disagreeing with in my post!

Well, the dating pool is limited for specific individuals; therefore, they try to accommodate.

@BlueFahrenheit which specific individuals have a limited dating pool? Not trying to be obtuse but not quite sure what you mean?

They discussed “a lot” on multiple occasion what they both “wanted” from it and expect.

So one of them misled or got the wrong end of the stick or changed their mind. It seems to be the OP changed her mind.

I agree.
I do though see that for older, more mature people who have been divorced with adult children and no longer want marriage or cohabitation a good friend that they have sex with is plausible.

There's hopefully the emotional maturity to navigate issues.
And to be honest the older we get the more we rely on others and are hopefully kinder.

When you're young though and these things like marriage and children are things you wish for all this fwb stuff is far too complicated.

If you are 60, fair enough.

Of course, he does. She's not the only woman he's having sex with.

🙄

But this implies there is a handbook and a set of rules for what "casual sex entails"

And there isn't.

OP'a guy has a particular version of it in his head, clearly. And this would suit some men and some women, if they prefer sex to feel as anonymous as possible. (There is definitely a kink for it - for some people it seems to heighten the excitement, make them feel more disinhibited, whatever).

But there are infinite other variables for what "casual sex" can look like. And OP wants something different.

I don't understand why there seem to be posters on this thread invested in maintaining that any woman who desires recreational sex must expect to be treated in this way whether she wants to be or not.

When this is patently not the case, and many people have casual sexual relationships that also involve spending time together, meals out etc.

Why are some of you pretending this isn't a possibility, when it is?

It's almost like you want sex without commitment to be inherently shameful and degrading for women.....

I'm not going to specify, as I'll probably be reported 😅.

All I'm saying is, the dating pool isn't equal for everyone.

I think the OP probably got a little windswept after the initial interactions and probably thought it was something more.

I don't understand why you would assume this, when it's much easier for women to find casual sex on dating apps than it is for men.

Why are we assuming he is much more successful on there than the cast majority of men, who get few if any likes or matches?

@Ilovelurchers with your lovely FWB situation where great sex, cinema, dinners etc… you want more and he doesn’t hence you on the dating apps?

I echo your thoughts.

Older, established individuals may engage in these activities, but I know for a fact that younger ones don't. These days, some men don't even want to buy a woman a drink. Theatre? No chance.

Genuine questions but who are all these many young people that have confided you in this way for you to be able to say so definitively this?

How do you know he has a roster of women?

I have no issues with Casual sex; I've enjoyed it. However, I'm not going to pretend that it's something it isn't.

Yes, there are many variables, but let's not be naive. This is a common attitude toward casual sex from a man's view.

OP's FB isn't interested in her, which is why he only messages her for sex.

He's using an app. Swiping continuously. He will be talking to other women.

His behaviour says it all 🤣.

Read between the lines.

Just tell him and see what he says. He probably assumes you are fine with it

@MagicMarkers

Just as she is using him. He uses her for sex, she uses him for sex….whats the issue?

And ? That doesn't mean he has a roster.

They've met three times. They hardly know one another. Why would he need to be interested in her when it was a casual sex arrangement from the outset

Yes, I agree with you. This is exactly what I said from the beginning.