AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

Sure, I get it. It’s more about how I feel and what I’m comfortable with than what others think is acceptable or whatever the rules are.
move tried it don’t like it. Won’t be doing it again. Simple

Yes, I don’t know why anyone is suggesting I get checked without asking if I was using condoms. I do have respect for myself, I just tried something that didn’t work out for me

Because they can split?

I would just file it as "tried and did not like it", forget about it and move on ))

Yes, stay away from casual sex, as it seems you want more from the arrangement.

Yes, this is good advice

And what?

OP has expressed no concerns about her sexual health here. We don't question every woman who posts about her contraceptive choices, do we?

All of us who are sexually active are technically at risk of STDs. And many of us are at risk of unwanted pregnancy, too.

But I think the assumption needs to be that, as adults, we understand the risk and deal with it as we see fit. Unless a woman is actively posting to ask for advice on this issue, I genuinely don't see any need to ask.

And it feels quite judgemental and offensive.

The OP doesn't need guidance on this.

How do you know?

Did she ask for it?

Surely you were aware of this set up beforehand. No one is twisting your arm to do this so if you dont like it then dont do it.

Nope - the beauty of a chat forum.

I’m sorry, OP, but that sounds awful. I can’t imagine being in that situation. You feel as though you are being used because you are!
He is using you as a receptacle to have sex with and cheaper than paying a prostitute.
You sound as though you are not happy with the situation so why carry on? Would you not feel better putting your time and energy into finding a proper relationship? Assuming that’s what you would like of course.
Also hope you are testing for STD’s regularly.

Were you actually friends before having benefits? I mean REAL friends. If so, he’s being a thoughtless ass. If you were mere acquaintances before this started, his behaviour is very common. He simply expects you do the same. It’s a completely transactional setup, like ordering food at a drive thru window. You have to decide if that’s enough for you.

Unless you're REALLY enjoying the sex and it's totally amazing, stop this. He's using you like a wanksock. Friends should be just that, with or without benefits. I think the least you should expect is a bit of conversation!

Yes 🤦‍♀️I was of course aware. As said many times I was more asking if I was being unreasonable expecting a different etiquette but clearly I was so i’ll just knock it on the head and move on

In a few weeks when he rings the bell, just ignore.

or just block now

No, we met off an app went for a drink, chatted a lot about what we wanted. Then once I’ve decided this isn’t for me, I was simply naive. But as I’ve said lesson learnt

You said that before you met you both agreed this was purely sex via messaging

so one of the three times you’ve got together wasn’t just sex… it was a drink and a chat?

how did you chat “a lot” about what you wanted? Surely it was a very quick conversation?

But now you say you met up for a drink and chatted “a lot” in addition to having already agreed via messaging before you met?

and how can you chat “a lot” about wanting this arrangement?

I’m proud of you. It was brave to try something new and also brave to realize it wasn’t working for you and to break it off. Good job.

Over messaging and phone calls

So all agreed prior to ever meeting

but you still met for some drink to discuss it more?

What were you both talking about so much about what you wanted? Surely it was a 3 minute conversation?

No, the initial meet was just general chat

And this was one of the three times you met and had sex?

I don’t get it. You agreed via messaging and over the phone exactly what you both wanted from the arrangement before you met.

but then you meet up for the first time for drinks and a chat about general stuff and
mlre about what you both wanted? Did you then go and have sex?

and when you say you chatted “a lot” about what you both wanted… multiple times… genuine question but surely the chatting was very brief?