Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

[EugenieGreen]

This is not a thread about decisions B&G have made.

Every one of the same ‘status’/‘tier’ has been treated exactly the same. No one has been singled out.

One spouse has been invited to a wedding on their side. Large famous hotel, they do not have exclusive use of this hotel but obviously have exclusive use of certain rooms etc.

The uninvited spouse wants to stay at the hotel which their spouse has paid for (at slightly discounted price). Watch a film in peace, use gym/ spa luxuriate a bit. Would be nowhere near wedding party, would not impinge, would not hang out with in-laws and spouse whose family it is, would not feel the need at any point to check in on spouse.

Aunt/mother of groom says not acceptable.

if you were spouse would you do this or do you think it’s rude? **

If they'd not invited spouses for cost or other practical reasons I don't see why this should be in any way a problem. Given it is a problem, it suggests to me a bit of a closed shop to 'real family' on the part of the mother/auntie. Which is a bit weird.
Depends whether you think their weirdness justifies you annoying them I guess, as they can't stop you, so its up to you.

Sounds absolutely fine to me, and frankly sounds like exactly what we would do if one of us wasn’t invited. We’d try to make a weekend out of it, and wouldn’t think twice given the fact that we would be paying our own way and the hotel hasn’t been exclusively booked out solely for the wedding. Only thing I think we’d check was whether the room was booked as single occupancy, in which case we’d just go to reception and sort the difference. Anyone kicking off at this plan sounds mega weird.

YABU. Turning up to a wedding hotel that you're not invited to (even if you say you're not going to go near the wedding stuff) is a bit 🙄
I mean, you can, but why would you want to?!
Wouldn't it be a bit awks if you bumped into someone in a corridor?!
He could always put a fake nose and 'tache on I suppose when in public areas just in case.
It does seem a bit like you can't go anywhere without each other and a bit claustrophobic.

I can’t see any issue with what you are proposing. You’re paying for the hotel room and DH isn’t going to use the facilities, amuse himself and is quite happy to do so. It’s not up to MOG to police a room that she’s not paying for.

I’d be asking other uninvited spouses if they fancied joining me in the bar/ for a spa. It seems very odd the B&G are paying for double rooms, but not inviting spouses to the wedding itself.

OP says the B&G have negotiated a discounted rate for a certain number of rooms. It doesn't say whether they have paid for those rooms.

If the B&G are paying for the rooms then that is a slightly different situation, but I'm not sure that they are.

@EugenieGreen can you clarify this?

Sounds a good solution to me as long as they don't imping on the wedding party,no problem at all, all booked and paid for, enjoy .

From what I've read from the OP, is the invited spouse has paid for the room themselves.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I expect it's already been mentioned anyway;

Whoever stays in the room with the invited spouse (i.e. the uninvited spouse), is nothing to do with anyone else, the bride, groom, aunt, mother of the groom, etc.

Especially as they don't have exclusive use of the hotel, and it's still available to the general public.

Obviously the uninvited spouse can't go into certain rooms specifically reserved for the wedding party, but of course they can use the other facilities of the hotel, and common areas, such as the lobby, bar, gym, pool etc.

If they happen to bump into the bride/groom/mum/aunt in any of these common areas, then it's tough. The hotel is still open for all.

The only slight issue is that the invited spouse has got a discount on the room because of the wedding being held at the hotel, which may cause tension, if the wedding party finds out the room is accommodating the uninvited spouse.

However if that subject does come up, then the invited spouse, can simply say to the wedding party that they've paid the going/full rate for the room.

"The uninvited spouse wants to stay at the hotel which their spouse has paid for (at slightly discounted price)."

4th paragraph. The bride and groom are not paying for the rooms.

The invited spouse is.

As I mentioned in my post above, although they got the room at a discount, if the wedding party wants to get in a huff over it, then the invited guest can just say they paid full price for the room, and as the hotel is still open to the public, whoever stays in that room is nothing to do with them.

I really wouldn't. The cost isn't the point. The invitation is. Its a private event, and you're not invited. Why would you go, unless by necessity of caring responsibilities or other similar reason.

It just makes things phenomenally awkward. IMO.

I would have no issue with this, and if I was the bride I’d say knock yourself out and get as much value from the booking as you can!
BUT it seems odd that the spouse has not also been invited.

Nothing to do with MoG or aunt. Enjoy the room and the facilities.

@JoyChansey

Thanks for checking - I did go back and look at OP's post but clearly skimmed too quickly!

But the spouse isn’t going to the event. She’s going to the hotel, which is open to the public.

Well the cost kind of is the point.
if the household budget is paying for a £200-250 room ( guess) I would damn well want to be there to enjoy it. The bridal party won’t even know she’s there in a public not privately booked hotel, why does it impact them ?

Hmm…mulling this over. If it had not had any discount on the room, I would have said it’s fine for spouse to stay there. Given that it’s at a wedding rate (even if slight) is trickier. But think so long as spouse stays out of the way, it is fine!! A real edge case but in balance it’s fine given there is no horrible back story.

I wouldn’t go to a wedding my partner hadn’t been invited to.

I think thats batshit. Its a wedding, a marriage celebration, but they are choosing to disregard the status of literally every marriage across the guest list within the family. That's so fucking rude. Its understandable for work mates invited as a group to the evening only, who's partners you've never met. Urgh. Enjoy the hotel. Hope they see you having a fab time! I wouldn't have mentioned it though, just do it. The hotel is open to the public. They are not A list celebs.

I personally wouldn’t. I’d share with another member of the group who was invited or not go at all, use my money elsewhere.
There is nothing wrong with it, I’d feel I was putting the B&G under pressure to invite spouse as someone is bound to see them.

If spouse wants to go and enjoy the facilities, spouse should do so.

B&G need to get over themselves

It's the husband that's not invited whereas she is from what I gather

The only people whose opinion on this matters is the management of the hotel.

The B&G family do not own the hotel and cannot dictate who stays in any of the rooms.

It's bad enough to not invite spouses, but to sniff at spouses staying the night in a hotel they do not own is ridiculous. Who do they think they are?

Surely you'd just say you didn't intend going and have no appropriate clothes, but thanks all the same, and best wishes.

It's weird that the spouse wasn't invited. My partner wouldn't go without me if someone did this but based on the fact this person I'd attending the wedding, if he paid for the room, discounted or not I'd be absolutely using it as a night away to pamper myself. I wouldn't care what anyone thought.

ultimately it is bride and groom's prerogative.who they invite to their wedding but I assume in this case their families are influencing some decisions.

If a wedding guest is paying for own accommodation in an hotel that is open to any paying guests, and a guest has booked a double room for 2 people then clearly 2 people can stay in the room.

I don't think its reasonable for aunt or mother of groom to even suggest that this is not allowed, or even needs to be discussed with them unless possibly aunt and /or mother of groom own the hotel and have located single occupancy rooms to those guests.

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