AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

[Bleachedjeans]

There was a similar thread a couple of years ago but it quickly sank into posters arguing and correcting grammar so it quickly became very boring…
So, here’s mine, triggered by 9/11 memories:
9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over”
I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”
I despised him from that moment.

1. For not recognising that a TV news channel is repetitive and not everyone is watching it all day.
2. For using the word ‘spoil’ under such circumstances, as if watching it was some sort of entertainment.

I absolutely despised him from that moment. AIBU to absolutely despise someone based on one comment? I don’t think so!

My good friend (who honestly I didn’t realise was an extreme racist) told me that my children are ok as they pass for white, when she was on a rant about Pakistanis. To me. The woman married to a Pakistani who had Pakistani children.
I disappeared from her life almost instantaneously. My children were shocked as they had been sat there at the soft play listening to her when I decided we had better things to do than listen to her obnoxious statements.

My DD at age 10 had a PSE lesson in school in which the children were in small groups with a list of experiences like ' parents divorce', ' breaking up with a friend' ' loosing a pet' and loosing a grandparent'
And they were asked to ' rate' these experiences! The other two girls thought that breaking up with a friend was worse than loosing a pet so my daughter after arguing that the cat would be actually dead, felt she had to go with the majority. Thankfully she managed to persuade them that loosing a grandparent ( that's my mother) was worse than having divorced parents ( that's us)!
My DD might well have been looking twice at her friend's after that! I still can't fathom, why on earth ask them to rate the experiences!!!!
I don't despise anyone though but that's mainly because my brilliant mother probably would have seen the funny side.

Tonight I asked my 'DH' if he's coming to our child's 1st chemotherapy session and he said he 'doesn't have the luxury of being able to take a full day off work'. To which I responded neither do I. To which I was told to 'fuck off and stop being a victim'.
There are no words.....

That's really awful, OP for you to handle. Sending love.

I think the entire thing was so beyond horrific and shocking people just didn’t know how to react or respond … or what to say. My exH was there that morning and saw the most awful things 🙁 He only ever spoke to me about it once. He always changed the channel if it was mentioned or shown on the TV or radio. After many years I asked him why and he said he would never, ever need to re-live it. It would be etched in his brain until his dying breath. He was later diagnosed with related PTSD. Your ex’s remark was awful but so was people selling photos at the site. And the current president lying about his involvement…such an unbelievable act of terrorism affects the collective brain!

Fkg hell! Horrendous.

Oh my god - that's horrendous.

There were no news channels in 2001, it was shown on all 4 normal channels - it was so utterly shocking and wasn't just one event but a series of events.
Your comment was quite cold. Can you imagine seeing people jump out of a skyscraper rather than be burnt to death?

The comment my XH made on taking me back from the hospital after I’d had an abortion because he made it clear he didn’t want another baby….
He told me that he’d had a lovely conversation with a couple while waiting for me in the waiting room (we’d been told he couldn’t come with and he didn’t raise any objections despite me begging him to be with me).
Before you ask, I felt I had no choice in the abortion.
(He had at least two affairs before I finally came to my senses and told him to leave, but that comment really brought home to me that he didn’t really give a shit about me.)

My DM was the same. Cognitive decline, requiring private hospital care.

Was formally reprimanded for being rude to staff, pinching and biting. I was called in for several meetings with nursing management.

In the end as DM could still use her computer I told her to find another private hospital as she was being kicked out where she was. That worked for a while..

usually associated with a UTI flare up too. We all realised that was when a urine sample needed to be collected from the wheelchair bound person. I always felt sorry for the Staff having to do that..

sending hugs. I understand how you feel!

Mine also accused me of spending her money when she could no longer do PIN numbers or passwords so I took the banking over.

When Dunblane happened i remember a colleague who had always seemed ok saying (that very day) "oh yes, it's getting awful with crime isn't it,, someone broke in and took our car keys" . What a tone deaf comment! I didn't quite despise her as that's such a strong word, but from then on always thought of her as self centred, lacking in empathy, and stupid.

Some local people who were originall y from Pakistan were opening a small supermarket. These people, from Pakistan, wanted to call it the 'Paki' shop. The council wouldn't let them so they called it the Pakee shop - which was allowed

Im so sorry for your loss. That must have been indescribably heart breaking.

I don't know why people feel the need to make twattish comments to people who are grieving. Its clumsy at best. That must have been so painful.

my hugely built Ex asked me to walk to the local corner shop at just before 11 at night to get him a bar of chocolate. I would have had to walk down a very dark isolated lane. I said absolutely not. He wanted to know why not and that he would do it for me if I asked. I was not happy that I even had to explain why but his response was ‘who on earth would want to rape YOU!’ I was so horrified I just couldn’t speak to him. There was so many other things that he did and said that hurt and angered me over the years but this was stomach churning for me and I’ve never forgotten it to this day.

Oh OP that's insane. I hope you are ok. X

A colleague asked me a question by email about something, cced to the CEO, which initially looked like a request for help or collaboration. Attached to the email was an old email he had dug out from two years prior to that talking about doing something which had not in the end gone ahead, or had gone in a different direction. He was implying that I'd forgotten to do that thing and trying to get me in trouble.

This put me on my guard and I sent a polite but rather snippy response. He has since indeed proved to be rather a backstabber (not just with me, in fact worse with others) though a rather inept one as no-one likes or trusts him.

We had OnDigital at home at the time and more than four channels. BBC News 24 started in 1997. Plus there were five terrestrial channels anyway by then in the UK, and Sky TV started in 1989. There were certainly 24 hour news channels in 2001 and terrestrial channels also stopped their usual programming to cover 9/11.

I had been working with my new boss for some time. The honeymoon period had worn off. She’d started to show her true colours. She came in one day and started talking about an event when she started using the P (racial slur) word. There were other staff present and then she said it again. I was the only one to call it out.
That was when I knew I needed to look for another job. Luckily I don’t work there anymore.

Last year I lost a friend. We knew each other from our late teens, he played and sang in a band and I frequented the pub where they went. Many years later we found each other back through the social media and developed the best friendship possible. Both happily married with children and grandchildren. I was heartbroken when he died after a short cancerfight. Someone found the cruelness to say :
oh stop wining, people might think he was your lover.
i'm 68 now, he was 69 when he died.

I made a group of friends when I moved away and I really enjoyed their company.
Sometimes I met up separately with just this one particular woman .
She had mentioned that some of her co workers were taking the afternoon off work to attend a funeral on a particular day and that she and other co workers would manage the business fine with just the remaining staff .
This was a funeral of a local woman who’d taken her own life ..due to severe mental health issues ( unresolved childhood trauma )
This woman said “ sad , but you’d have thought she’d have gotten over that by that age “
I couldn’t believe she said that

How old are you op? Do you have any insight about yourself after all these years? It sounds like you prefer to reflect on how horrible other people are rather than wonder about the meaning of your own strong reactions and feelings. Also it's hard to fully understand the context you give about 'naturally because it was a news programme it was on all day' - do you mean the TV was on all day in your house and you were both watching it together all day?

When at Christmas time last year after turning ourselves inside out to ensure stepMIL and FIL were not left homeless (due to stepMIL and her brothers stupid ideas and choices) she accused my DH of trying to steal her and FIL mo ey because we were intending on using what money they had left to buy them a small bungalow and completely renovate it for them, but we didn’t have a bottomless pit of money ourselves so had to refuse some of her requests on how it was renovated!

Needless to say we haven’t seen her since, didn’t buy the bungalow and, actually, that’s worked out okay as her brother has had to reap what he has sown, buy them a bungalow and now she’s bullying him (as she always has) to pay for the renovations there. I am just sad that FIL is a weak man and that means he isn’t living closer to us now as they age as they had to move over an hour away to find something cheap enough.

It does mean though that we have been able to extend and when FIL gets too incapacitated we are prepared for if we need to have him live with us. Thankfully DH is maintaining his relationship with FIL outside of her!

I agree that you can be turned off my a comment somebody has said but it also depends on what he really meant. If he meant “spoil” in the sense of it being entertainment then yes, that’s despicable. Amore sympathetic interpretation, though; perhaps he meant they’re showing the replay too often as it’s too unsettling/upsetting to watch and he just put it very clumsily.

I had the unfortunate luck of sitting next to a local snobby woman at a funeral, as the family walked in behind the coffin she stated slagging one of the family off because she had a suit on that was from Next in 1998 ,said in such disgust (at this point it's about 2023) i just said ive got older lipsticks than that!
Same woman at a church afternoon tea started slagging off a family because they live in a static caravan/park home,she said fancy living like that! The family are incidentally lovely people
I cant bear said woman and have never spoken to her since, I avoid her at all costs.

The OP means that in the age of rolling news, the same news item was repeated all day; you mean to give her a nasty sanctimonious AI-assisted put-down.

I hope she's reflecting on how horrible you are.