AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

[Bleachedjeans]

There was a similar thread a couple of years ago but it quickly sank into posters arguing and correcting grammar so it quickly became very boring…
So, here’s mine, triggered by 9/11 memories:
9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over”
I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”
I despised him from that moment.

1. For not recognising that a TV news channel is repetitive and not everyone is watching it all day.
2. For using the word ‘spoil’ under such circumstances, as if watching it was some sort of entertainment.

I absolutely despised him from that moment. AIBU to absolutely despise someone based on one comment? I don’t think so!

As an aside it seems odd that stress in the elderly resulting in rude behaviour or even physical behaviour, is responded to with a 'formal repremand'
The caring job is extremely challenging but that sort of issue must be common ?

The private facilities can pick and choose who they care for. At the end of the day they have a duty of care for their staff too.

as mum had vocalised her displeasure at her residence, I guess they reached the point of saying if you aren’t happy here then move on

she was very unpleasant and pushed the boundary.

@Shhhhitsmagic I am so sorry about your DC, and wish them well with the treatment. Take care of yourself too.
Is your DH always such a selfish arse? When you have the strength, think how you could have a life without someone who treats you all like this.

Yes I have taken deep long term offence to many an insensitive dismissive comment but I do realise now that most of us aren’t taught how to process our emotions healthily and/or are comfortable showing vulnerability, particularly the more masculine of us (including women I know). So I’ve come to recognise when someone is complaining in a seemingly uncompassionate manner because they’re having trouble dealing with negative emotions but can’t admit it.

So how does that work then. Even without the presence of dementia there can be cognitive decline or other that affects memory, mood and perception of relationships. My mum had increasing anxiety to the point of being irrational sometimes. You couldn't ' warning' her out of it. That would have been abusive.
' they can pick and choose' on the basis of whether they think she is pleasant- is not a particularly tenable model is it?
Care workers get assaulted. Also by disabled children. I myself experienced this. I've never been able to get my head around it, how you keep.that workforce safe. But moving elderly people from pillar to post isn't the answer.

Good. World would be a better place if more took a stand against these behaviours.

Yes. After 10 years of trying for a baby we finally did it, however, my first scan showed the baby had died. My life absolutely fell apart, my one and only chance lost. The devastation was all consuming. I rang my bff to tell her, bearing in mind I was still carrying my dead child at that point (before the op) and she said, word for word "Oh dear. That's a shame. I've had a bad day myself, my hamster died".... I was speechless. A "bad day"???? I've never forgiven her for her total lack of sympathy or support.

Words fail how could she say that?!
That's a very sad loss OP, so sorry to hear.

My boyfriend in 1996 made very similar comments about the coverage of the murders in Dunblane (“it’s getting boring now”, “this is ridiculous- I want to watch something else”).

He was abusive and generally awful but I was young and sadly say it took me another 8(?) months to break up with him. All part of a bigger picture of him being a shit person overall though.

Absolutely. I often use a high profile atrocity as an opportunity to examine how my reaction to it is more sincere and profound than the reactions of others around me.

I remember Dunblane as it was a month after I gave birth to my first child and I remember crying over it. Vile ex came in from work saw me crying and sneered at me 'its only kids'.
There was also a case a few years ago where a 14 year boy was raped by a stranger and he made a joke to my son, who was same age at the time, about it happening to him.
I'm really ashamed to write that last bit, he was truly vile.
Was his 60th birthday last week and he spent it completely alone.
Hopefully he'll be dead soon as his health is f*cked

Makes me think about the number of men (nearly all men anyway) who seized on Dunblane in the years afterwards to moan and rant on about how it allowed the govt to tighten up laws on gun ownership. And trailing out the old line, 'guns don't 'kill people, people kill people.' Well, personally I'm glad I don't live in a country where it's legal to have a handgun and kids have to do shooter drill at school.

About 20 years ago, BIL was talking about Polish workers coming over here and taking our jobs, that is bad enough. He followed it up saying Hitler obviously didn't kill enough of them! I never really liked him, but couldn't stand him after that. Now unsurprisingly we have no contact with him.

Notably Rupert Lowe who referred to 'one murder'. One of those things that could be a slip of the tounge if you didn't know his politics

Thank you. Yes he is to be honest... I was all ready to see a solicitor but I'll have to put that on for now 😔

What a very, very strange take. Would you say that to those posters who have given examples of people saying insensitive things about Dunblane for example?

it’s not superior to judge someone for what is at the very least poorly chosen words. Very poorly chosen words.

Id be very surprised if your opinion of people is not guided by how they react to distress- both yours and other people's.
Otherwise you'd end up hanging around some very strange people.

Did it now? Or perhaps he meant it was spoiling the gravity of the attack? Spoiling any sense of decorum or respect for those who had just been killed?

Wanting to and then actually watching thousands of people in die over and over and over in real life is treating it like entertainment.

Those examples you’ve given of what he might have ‘meant’ are just going against your argument, not for it. ‘Spoiling the gravity of the attack’ doesn’t make sense because you’re trying to make spoil mean something it doesn’t. It has a meaning that can’t be un-meant. Your examples just prove that for me.

What would that be then? You think spoil only relates to fruits and fun entertainment? Never heard of a peace deal being spoiled by a surprise attack? Never heard of a business meeting spoiled by a faux pas? Or a funeral spoiled by a distant relative making a scene?

I don’t know how far they would have gone with eviction but it seemed genuine and i can’t say that I blame them for putting it on the line. She eventually passed away beginning 2025.

Mum certainly had capacity to understand what she was saying and doing and had treated Dad in the same manner leading up to his death 12 years earlier.

she was so nasty that eventually none of the existing residents would share a table with her in the small dining room.

I'm confused? What's so wrong with saying of course they went to see that particular display? The whole point of having those items on show is because the museum literally wants people to see them, otherwise they wouldn't bother and would keep them hidden in storage/would have destroyed them. What would you have preferred she said instead? Not seen them? Lied and said she hadn't when she had? Or would just saying 'yes I saw that' rather than 'of course I saw that?' have somehow been acceptable to you?

A boy aged 9 died after being struck by lightning in an utterly freak accident. Someone I worked with said he was probably a little bastard in real life and deserved it.

Was flabbergasted to hear such a wicked and evil thing. Such a nasty man too.

I see what you mean but it was the excitement in her voice at the delight of seeing them. They had the option to decline. Think you had to be there to understand really.