AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

[Bleachedjeans]

There was a similar thread a couple of years ago but it quickly sank into posters arguing and correcting grammar so it quickly became very boring…
So, here’s mine, triggered by 9/11 memories:
9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over”
I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”
I despised him from that moment.

1. For not recognising that a TV news channel is repetitive and not everyone is watching it all day.
2. For using the word ‘spoil’ under such circumstances, as if watching it was some sort of entertainment.

I absolutely despised him from that moment. AIBU to absolutely despise someone based on one comment? I don’t think so!

My partner and I both agree we were really shocked when it happened, as adults, but it wouldn't really be something to watch or talk about now. It was 25 years go. We watched that drone display, which was well done, but nothing more than that. 🤷‍♀️

That really is quite a leap. I firmly suspect the nationality of the victims was totally irrelevant to the OP.

I don't think people that weren't of the age to be watching the news at that time can really appreciate the magnitude of the event.

I was home that day and absolutely glued to the telly, not in a gratuitous way, it's just there was a real sense of fear of what's coming next.

I remember phoning a friend who happened to be out shopping and saying she had to go home to watch the news. It was just such a surreal experience.

I'd have felt exactly the same as the OP if someone I knew had reacted as her ex did.

@freesiamese I think what you said was perfectly understandable and in no way crass. I'd put it down to her not thinking totally rationally. I think if she'd recounted the exchange after the event it would be likely the context of what you said would have been pointed out to her.

When i had my third child i was very much "an older mum", and he was concieved despite the fact i'd had a sterilisation op (so a massive surprise).

When i came back to work form the maternity leave i got a few words of congratulations, but most people just desperately wanted to know if i'd be sueing the hospital. One woman even just flat out said "id've had an abortion if it was me"

@Ilovemyfam "There are vile things that demonstrate someone is just vile. There are however vile comments that to me reflect views of times gone past."

To an extent. Vile people are always going to say vile things, and sometimes people say things that were more acceptable in the past. But I've known plenty of people who've engaged in so called "banter" who aren't by any means old. Most notably men. And I've encountered young women whose sensitivity only extends as far as their own front door. Human nature is human nature, no matter what generation or demographic it comes from.

I think with some of these comments part of the instant rejection reflex you get is that you feel disgust that these people must be sure that you have the same opinions and that they're on safe ground spouting them off. You fear the association. You have to shake it off.

She tthinks I'm like her! Other people must think I'm that sort of person! Oh no, don't anybody lump me in with her gang. Do I look like a..."

I remember I was with a few other couples and there was a news story about someone, genuinely can't remember, who had been convicted for tax fraud. Some billionaire. My friends DH said that the sentence was too harsh, I was thinking it was light. Someone else challenged him and he said he thinks white collar criminals aren't real criminals and tax evasion is a victimless crime. He then went on to say these types shouldn't be placed in a prison with regular criminals because they aren't cut out for it and they shouldn't be with all the thugs. I've known him for many years now and I've found him to be a good person day to day, a good dad and husband and clever and often funny but I cannot and will not ever move on from that. I can endure his company but feel he is so morally lacking that I can't ever grow affection for him

Shortly after the 7 / 7 london bombings someone I worked with was talking about Charles de Menezes and said " well he shouldn't have run" I asked her what she meant as he was running to catch a train like many people do . She said " he shouldn't have run from the police should he." I said that he had done nothing wrong in the first place, had been wrongly identified and targeted by poor policing methods and moreover did not know he was being followed by armed police with permission to shoot to kill him on his way to work.
" Well even so" she said " he shouldn't have run".

Up until then I had thought her an intelligent, well educated woman with a good perspective on life. Couldn't have been more wrong though could I Lisa?

This and the post above about the woman who said sarah everard "shouldn't have been out during lockdown" have genuinely shocked me 😦

A couple, one of whom was friends of my dh and I was meeting for the first timw were talking about when they went to Aushwitz. The woman said that there was the option to see the room where all of the glasses and false teeth that were taken from the people that were gassed were thrown in a pile. She said of course they went to see that.
I instantly went off her and have never seen her since. So callous.

TWO YEARS AGO I was walking my DD to school while’s pushing my newborn in a pram. A 5/6 yo girl goes to overtake us from behind on her bike (did not see her, I don’t have mirrors sticking out from my head) on a corner as you turn left in to the school grounds. I continue walking as I was, her dad does the whole loud, passive aggressive, make sure I can hear: “come this way because people only care about themselves” or something to this account.Every single day I see him at pick up and drop off and think about how much I hate his stupid little bald head, the long beard, the cycling glasses and Lycra pants (even though he’s not cycling himself???), his entire being makes my blood boil. It’s such a minor thing but I just HATE him. 😂😂😂

Erm probably because it’s Sept 11th and for those of use who lived through 9/11, the day is ingrained in our memory.

The fucking nasty bitch!

50 years ago or so a lot of people said ‘I’ll just nip to the P—i shop’ or ‘Go to the P- shop and get some bread’. It was used a lot and casually. Seems unbelievable now.

Some of these posts beggar belief - think I’ve lead a relatively sheltered life! Very interesting reading.
There are truly some horrible people around - important to remember majority of humans are nice though.

I think 9/11 is a generational thing. If you were late teens to early thirties when it happened it really hit you badly. Not just the event itself but its implications. Was this the beginning of WW3? Apart from Pearl Harbor, which did push the United States into WW2, the US had never been so attacked on its own soil before.

It was a scary time and we thought the world might change forever. In some ways it did. The Cold War had just been declared over and now this Islamic Terrorism threat was going to take its place, apparently. There had been rumblings of it with the Gulf War but not really.

Perhaps incidentally, 9/11 was kind of the start of the digital age. It was the first world event covered by rolling 24 hour news, the first time you got told something really important via your mobile phone.

Possibly, the great generational event that late teens to thirty year olds today will talk about is Covid. Of course, it affected everybody's lives but your late teens and twenties are your planning for the future years. The should be happy time when everything is possible. Things to do, people to meet.

It's almost as if for some reason, whoever runs the world likes to put a spanner in the works every twenty five years or so just so everything doesn't get too out of hand with peace, prosperity and goodwill to all men.

I'm not sure what the generational blight of the 60's/70's was. I wasn't around. Vietnam? The Day JFK Was Shot?

Certainly before that was WW2, then before that, WW1. I wasn't around for them either but they were far enough in the past to be taught about in school and talked about by parents and grandparents.

Just musings really and of course there's people who breeze through life and don't really reflect too deeply on world events, have private problems that take occupy them much more immediately or live in countries or are in social groups where or in which their lives are punctuated by different politics and concerns.

Also, history isn't really in such neat chunks of 25 years starting from a clear Year Zero so I'll stop now.

Or possibly that small happening, the Biafran famine? You should have said those who have total western heritage. Many of us have connections to Africa and 3000 dead is par for the course. Although I recognise the fear of WW3 and what target was next. As said, the Nepal floods will have as many casualties. We rely on Africa/India etc for everything. War in Sudan? Never mind. War in Ukraine? Millions promised and let's get them over here. Humanitarian crisis in the Congo, looks the other way.

I thought that too. I nearly put, "Of course this is a Eurocentric/American etc viewpoint, then I wondered whether I should include other things but the post was getting so long and clunky.

I did kind of start going into other events and different communities near the end but I could only speak from my own experience and I didn't want to assume the impact of things I know very little about because I thought it might come across as rude and I felt uncomfortable doing so.

Some shocking posts on here.

Some people are awful full stop, and some don’t know what to say to those who are grieving.

You broke up a relationship over one clumsy comment and now you want all the singletons on here to cosign your ridiculous decision? OK. Well done yay you you massively overreacted and are now single.

Yes! I was at a BBQ gathering with a few neighbours that I didn’t know very well. One of them was talking about doing a skydive for our local children’s hospice and another man commented saying

“don’t they bloody get enough money”

I was fuming. He had no idea that my two year old is supported by this particular hospice, and they get minimal government funding. What they have done for our family has kept me from having a complete breakdown, they are fantastic, I knew at that moment I hated this man.

Oh for goodness sake. Really? 🙄

Wow your posts are quite rude.

My mum had recently died in awful, sudden circumstances when I was 18. A few months later a 'friend' who was an only child told me how lucky I was because I had a brother. Stupid bitch