AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

[Bleachedjeans]

There was a similar thread a couple of years ago but it quickly sank into posters arguing and correcting grammar so it quickly became very boring…
So, here’s mine, triggered by 9/11 memories:
9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over”
I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”
I despised him from that moment.

1. For not recognising that a TV news channel is repetitive and not everyone is watching it all day.
2. For using the word ‘spoil’ under such circumstances, as if watching it was some sort of entertainment.

I absolutely despised him from that moment. AIBU to absolutely despise someone based on one comment? I don’t think so!

I honestly don’t know why people think they are free to make comments like this. No boundaries at all. He certainly sounds like a hateful man.

9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over” I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”

Why didn’t you ask him what he meant instead of assuming?

Most people don’t want to watch real life violent deaths over and over on the telly. It’s traumatising to keep repeating those images. Why did you need the TV on all day? Why did you call his complaints ‘moaning’? It sounds like he would have preferred not to watch thousands of people die on repeat all day long.,.,

The reason the channels repeat the news is for anyone who is tuning in that is just finding out.

Why were you wanting to watch it on repeat? Why did your mind associate thrills and excitement as linked to watching 9/11 crashes and the towers falling?

A relative of DH visiting from Australia said an incredibly anti Semitic thing at the table . I immediately told him to fuck off and get out of the house . Bit of a drama but he left back to MIL . Why on earth these people think it's OK to say such things . You would want to be very sure of your audience. Maybe relying on British politeness .

One of my neighbours, older woman, married a man who seemed lovely. Genuinely nice bloke. Good with her children. Kind to her dog. Worshipped her.

Had them over for a few drinks with other neighbours over Christmas. And then he made a comment about tarty women.

Never seen him the same way since. Sexist.

A close relative was exceptionally badly and negligently treated by the NHS and it looked for a while as if this person might be dependent on long term care. A friend stated, ‘that could be a massive claim’ and I couldn’t get over that.

having said this, we all say crass things from time to time - I know I do - so perhaps it’s time to move on from it.

Oh my god. What a vile human being. What, if anything, did you respond? Bloody hell.

OP do you think by "spoiling it" he meant they were diminishing the impact of the footage? I sort of agree that 24 hour news makes everything boring eventually. I don't think there's anything I want to watch on loop all day, not even the important stories. Especially the sort of story that breaks my heart. It's not good for people.

My DP is also terrible at expressing his feelings. He says reactive things when in distress. I can absolutely imagine him saying something that stupid when what he would have meant was "I'm upset by this footage, can we turn off the TV?"

I'm going with YABU.

I think despising someone for one clunky comment is really extreme behaviour. It is the kind of thing that pops up in true crime documentaries when the perpetrator starts obsessively hating someone.

If you have a defining moment when you realise you don't much like someone then that is more balanced.

Everyone is capable of saying something insensitive, stupid or nasty. I tend judge people more on how they behave generally.

Yes I have, and no YNBU. Sometimes a single comment can give you an insight into how someone ticks. We can all make clumsy or insensitive comments but sometimes you really are getting a clear indication that they're an arsehole.

It's the "spoiling it" comment that revealed he was seeing it as entertainment

My sil went off on a massive rant about not wanting to put her baby dd in a supermarket trolley seat that had had nasty little (racist slur) fingers all over it. It was the first time she really showed me how racist she is, there have been other incidents since.

The questions in your last paragraph are ridiculous.

This is exactly what it was. I had let other milder comments slide but that one was just too much.

In a meeting with MILs care home manager, about MIL being particularly difficult, entitled, and insulting to the staff. I asked her to please listen to the manager as she was talking over everything the manager said.
MIL turned to me and said
’Shut up and keep your nose out, it’s none of your buisness.’
This is in front of the whole care team. I gave as good as I got and the manager told MIl to apologise to me. I wouldn’t speak to her for weeks afterward. Something in me died that day. I actually couldn’t care less about her now and avoid any conversation with her. I’ve not forgiven or forgotten what she said.

He had a real ‘grumpy twat’ face on him at the time which I now remember repulsed me at the time.

I'm so sorry about your nephew 🩵 I had a similar experience when one of my twin sons was stillborn and his twin brother died in the NICU 3 days later after life support was withdrawn. An in law said to me, "sure my aunt lost a baby at 6 months old, now that was hard, and he was a real baby"

Those words have never left me. That was 2.5 years ago but I was in such a stare of grief, I never challenged them.

What an awful old witch! Some things just push you over the edge.

Sadly, I’ve got a couple…

When my DBrother committed suicide, a lady who had known well all my life rang up with “ condolences” but spoilt it rather when she
said he’d “brought shame on my family name..” 😞

When my DPs Dad described my DBrother as a ‘coward’ after persisting in asking me what had happened to him! ( I hate him, but he’s v old and I’m enmeshed with the family, so still have to see him😡 )

A lifelong friend who we bumped into in town, described me as “looking like
I’done well out of it” about 12 weeks after my darling husband had died!
Me and DS were off to cash our widowed mothers allowance at the time. DS was 14…🙄

my heart goes out to you. When I read some of these posts (like the lady whose baby nephew died) I feel ashamed about my dislike of a grumpy old git who made a tasteless comment about 9/11. So so sorry for your terrible loss 🌺

YANBU
Btw I’m one of those people who can decide very quickly if I like a person or not ….. plus I can (rarely) hold a ‘grudge’ for donkey’s years. Other than that I’m very pleasant and easy going!

during the first ever conversation I had with a neighbour, they remarked, ‘I always get my own way’. I wouldn’t say I despised them at that moment, but it did make me wary of them .. and unfortunately with good cause!

I remember a man talking to me and my friend in a restaurant. He seemed fun and charming, until he made an incredibly lewd sexual comment. I can’t remember what it was but my friend and I both went “oh ok” and physically turned away from him. End of interaction.

Only an idiot would say ‘I always get my own way’
I hope you manage to avoid this neighbour as much as possible.

Not at all. Everything is relative. That was so crappy of him to say. Our experiences dont diminish yours. I've had to remind myself over the years to remember my loss is my loss and others are entitled to have a bad day too. For what its worth. 9/11 is so sad. I saw old articles only yesterday with the week thats in it. How people can get a buzz from it is beyond me

I so admire who have the guts to deal with arseholes like this immediately and effectively. Well done.