AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

[Bleachedjeans]

There was a similar thread a couple of years ago but it quickly sank into posters arguing and correcting grammar so it quickly became very boring…
So, here’s mine, triggered by 9/11 memories:
9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over”
I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”
I despised him from that moment.

1. For not recognising that a TV news channel is repetitive and not everyone is watching it all day.
2. For using the word ‘spoil’ under such circumstances, as if watching it was some sort of entertainment.

I absolutely despised him from that moment. AIBU to absolutely despise someone based on one comment? I don’t think so!

Great reaction by you. Wonder what the other colleague thought/did.

a bit much...

I know it’s always trotted out that people don’t know what to say in these situations but it doesn’t take a genius to just say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’.

I’m really sorry about your brother.

Before we moved to where we live now we were visiting to see the house and went to a nearby cafe. Within ten mins the owner had made some bizarre comment about 'the chinese' and them taking all the software jobs. We've lived here 8 years now and never been back in that cafe

I think yabu. This was a news story and he was commenting on how it was bring reported. It wasn't personal for you and it doesn't sound like he was mocking or being mean about the horrors the individuals experienced. It must be hard to be around you, are you in a constant state of trauma watching the news? Most people detach to get by. The loss that day was a tiny percentage of the recent loss in Gaza, and even that is a fraction of the Russia/ Ukraine war. Only a few days ago more people died in the Nepal flood and i think most people would complain if that's the only thing the networks covered for days. It sounds like you value US lives a lot more than others if you are still thinking about this.

Topically:
A friend who for various reasons I was already slowly realising was a dick, said about a horrifically tragic accident involving children that was in the news 'like, i get its horrifically sad, but all the weeping and wailing, its not 9/11 is it'

If I ever meet someone who says anything about their ex partner 'taking all their money' in a divorce or separation where there's children involved, i immediately think that person's a dick.
We were getting to know a new couple we'd met, thinking that they seemed like fun new friends, and then one night the boyfriend made a comment about his brothers ex partner, and how she 'rinsed him for every penny he's got'.
Me: How do you mean?
Him: Well he has to give her 500 quid for two kids, they are only small, they dont eat that much!
Me: ...How often does your brother see them?
Him: he takes them out to tea twice a week and then has them every other weekend, he cant have them more in the week because he's out breaking his back working so he can pay her!
Me: ....so who looks after the kids in the day while his ex is working?
Him: ones at nursery and the other one is in after school
Me: do you have... any idea how much full time nursery costs?!?

Something happened which disrupted the conversation, but we stopped seeing them after that.... i just dont have time for people in their bloody thirties who cant engage their brains critically and just believe blindly what someone tells them.

Many people did watch the footage on repeat. I know I did. It was so hard to take in what had happened, and I think like many people I was worried about what else might happen as the story of the events and the understanding of them began to unfold and sink in.

Nothing like as bad as many of these examples, but many years ago my FIL said ‘I really don’t like fat people. Especially fat women’. He’d had a few drinks at the time but wasn’t drunk, and it seemed out of character but I do believe he meant it. I haven’t felt the same about him since. He got his just desserts though; he’s significantly overweight now and I’m always tempted to remind him of what he said. Although as he is male and quite old, he’s probably allowed to be fat, unlike women who should never dare to be fat.

After my husband died and I was left coping with our young DC and, you'd think understandably, had to take more time off work an old colleague/friend said: "You can't just lay around living off the insurance you know. You'll have to come back to the real world eventually." I should have thanked her really - the burning rage it caused powered me through some of the worst grief at that time.

Someone at work who was a well-known pest. An older woman had lost her son aged 28. Understandably she didn’t really accept many invitations although a few years had passed. She turned down an invite to a party and well-known foot in mouth lack of empathy pest said “you’d think she’d have god over it by now” with an eye roll. Cunt.

I don't despise my MIL but feel indifferent towards her after a really cold comment she made 12years ago .
It was the 1st anniversary of my darling Mums death and i said to her i was feeling sad.
She said 'we don't do emotions in this family ' !
I have never forgotten that and feel indifferent about her dementia now
Happy to give practical advice to husband and siblings but that is all .
I am a very caring person usually.

You should have poured the tea over his wrinkly crotch.

A much more minor example I have is of a friend who I have had for 10 years. We are part of a group of school mums, Some
with professional careers, some
with part-time jobs and some stay at home mums. It’s a great group.

When I was out with her the other day (she is a dr and I am a lawyer), she said how little respect she had for the mothers in the group who had not worked since their children were born. It completely took me aback and made me wonder what kind of things she might be judging me for.

I know what you mean, but sometimes it can come from trauma. Like a grandparent who said a stillbirth/miscarriage wasn't that big a deal, if you're ok with abortion, because either a pre 40 week baby who has never taken an independent breath dying is sad or it's not.

Awful, right? But then when I heard about something she had been through as a girl, it made me feel different. Sometimes people express things really badly, or have their own reasons for trauma.

My 'D'M is about the worst person I know and says lots of things like this; e.g. after my FIL's funeral, my MIL was a broken woman, a shell... my mother sidled up to her with a cheeky nudge and said 'Hey, you can find a boyfriend now!'

Then she scuttled back to me and said delightedly 'Ooh, I think I upset MIL!'

😒

This sort of thing is why I am pretty much NC with her...

Starting week for a co-worker. He showed great promise; he picked things up very fast and seemed nice. I thought he was going to be a fantastic fit with the team, and the quality of his written work was exemplary.

Right up to a training session with a very knowledgeable older woman, where, during the break, he thought it would be a good idea to make nasty, vile, sly, snide, sexual digs at her age and her being of no use to him or any man, under the guise of 'being funny'. I realised that he had very clearly just shown me who he was as a person and how he viewed women (as well as being comfortable enough in himself to say it aloud in front of his new colleagues), and I immediately despised him.

I firmly but politely explained that what he said in no way could be considered funny and that in this role we expected our members of staff to be respectful (that's it, that's all I said)

He immediately became livid and showed himself to be someone who doesn't tolerate being challenged very well, especially by a woman. He got those red slashes on the cheekbones and blotches on his neck that people get when they show real temper in their face. He threatened me with a formal HR report for 'bullying him' if I ever mentioned his comments or our conversation ever again.

Thankfully, the whole exchange was noticed, and he did not progress or last long in the role.

WTAF!
Wow,just wow.😡
I'm so sorry for your losses 💔

One of my colleagues made a comment about Palestinian lives being worth it for Israel’s security. Despised him ever since

Similar when Jill Dando was shot my bf thought it was funny. That was definitely one of turning points for me even if it took nearly 2 years to get away afterwards

Yes! Someone I thought was a reasonable person.

We were discussing the awful sarah everard case a few months later and her first response was “she shouldn’t have been out due to Covid restrictions” …. I’ve never looked at her in the same way since.

Absolutely this. It was hard to take in and noone knew what was going to happen next, a great many more awful things seemed perfectly possible to be imminent. We didn't have access to the world's news on a small screen in our hand to refer to and pretty much everyone I knew watched the TV news coverage way into the night on 9/11.

An Ex of mine once said "you should be over it by now" a few months after my best friend since primary school died at 25 of cancer. It wasn't even as if i was constantly crying or moping (i hardly ever cry), i just liked to occasionally mention things she did or said (just like when she was alive). Apparently when people die we should move on and not mention them again.

I disgusted someone on 9/11 and their revulsion at me still upsets me. I was working in an office, a colleague came into the room and said “There’s been a bombing at the World Trade Centre.” (note, she said bombing, so she gave an inaccurate report.) I looked at her in surprise, and after a moment I said “Again?” because I knew about the World Trade Centre’s carpark bomb in 1993 which had killed 6 people. She looked at me with total revulsion and our working relationship never recovered.
Was I abhorrent to have said “Again?” I’ve pondered that. I think it was just a misunderstanding. She did say “bomb” not “plane crashed into tower” and there had been a previously deadly bomb, which I knew about, but she did not, at that moment, know about.

We then found a radio and switched it on and discovered that it had not been a bomb, but two plane crashes. She left the office to go home that afternoon and a few months later I just moved jobs.

Woah 😦 wtf

Jesus for that comment alone, he isn't safe to be a taxi driver. I'd have reported him.