AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

[Bleachedjeans]

There was a similar thread a couple of years ago but it quickly sank into posters arguing and correcting grammar so it quickly became very boring…
So, here’s mine, triggered by 9/11 memories:
9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over”
I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”
I despised him from that moment.

1. For not recognising that a TV news channel is repetitive and not everyone is watching it all day.
2. For using the word ‘spoil’ under such circumstances, as if watching it was some sort of entertainment.

I absolutely despised him from that moment. AIBU to absolutely despise someone based on one comment? I don’t think so!

I don’t understand? Surely that’s a helpful comment to point out the relative might be entitled to compensation to pay for his long term care? Or was the friend rubbing their hands together with glee at the thought?

I don't know, I kind of get it. He didn't want to keep seeing it, listen to the debate and speculation and constant pictures of people dying. It was horrific. I was completely traumatised, we lost colleagues and friends, and the absolute horror of what they must have gone through wouldn't leave my mind. I remember every minute of that day. There was almost a level of guilt from colleagues who hadn't been in the meeting because they weren't there and maybe they could have got people out. I wouldn't judge on his comment alone.

It was a life or death situation at one stage and I was in a state of advanced worry and shock. The comment was not helpfully made but was a reaction, in awe of possible cash compensation.

'Everyone laughs at you' - my mum making me realise I had been wrong about her

Honestly no, one comment cant make me hate someone, but it can put me off. Its sexist comments for me, from men 🤢

I don’t know your X but potentially ‘spoiling’ it could have been clumsy language. He possibly meant overdoing it with coverage, which was probably more a reflection of him feeling overwhelmed by the constant repetition of it and not recognising or articulating that or the fact it was his choice to keep watching all day and to have watched it all up to that point.

I had a colleague who seemed to find it exciting. For the record, Jennifer, you’re a stupid and disgusting person.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back tbh with this ex friend of mine, but things were never the same after the comment she said to me.

We were out on a night out and it had only been about 5 months or so since my sister (my only sibling and we were so close) had died of cancer aged 25. Anyway, my friend had just split up with her boyfriend of over 6 years as she'd cheated on him and she turned to me and said "Well, [Name] leaving me was far worse than [Name] (my sister) dying, as at least she didn't choose to leave you." I was utterly gobsmacked at the time and I regret not walking out then and there. I took a major step back from the friendship after that and finally cut her out a few years ago (with many other incidents in between showing her to be the type of awful person I always suspected her to be).

Wow, that's truly shocking.

My son used to be in a sporting club and the parents used to chat and we had made plans to go see a dad's unique car collection together and have some drinks etc. Then he dropped an absolute clanger of a racist remark completely out of field. I was just gobsmacked. Luckily the coach said something because I literally froze. Then none of the parents really spoke to him after that.

My father is not nice. I do not like him.

Years ago now, a boyfriend said something that reminded me of my father. I don't even remember what it was, just a particular phrase that would be something my father said regularly. Immediate and utter ick and revulsion. I had to dump him immediately.

I don't think it's usually one thing only that causes this effect. It might be the straw that broke the camel's back or the most recent and obvious thing, but I think in most cases something has been growing behind the scenes that means when someone makes that comment, the other person is already disposed towards dumping them. That's the trigger but they're already in posession of the gun.

"in the nicest way (then predictably proceeds to be the exact antithesis of 'nice')

How have you managed to get to 'main character syndrome?' 😀

As for comparing her reaction to despising modern comedians, you're proving the opposite scenario by choosing a substandard analogue... comedians are comedians and therefore the audience who voluntarily choose to attend or tune in should prepare themselves for comments made in context of a comedic act

the context here was that several planes had just been hijacked and deliberately crashed into the Twin Towers with a simultaneously sudden loss of life and global sense of safety that has had huge ripple effects. It was a horrific watershed moment on so many levels and nothing had ever been witnessed like that before

Which makes his comment of they're spoiling it now as way outside of any comedic context, completely callous and illustrated he viewed the whole disaster scenes as pure entertainment - a scenario the OP had not signed up for in any context, comedic or otherwise

oh so it wasn't just one comment?

I think you mean rogue comment. Rouge is a french word that means red or pink and is normally used to describe something cosmetic (lipstick etc).

That is what I mean. Thanks. Never have been able to spell even with autocorrect.

I hope you poured the tea in his lap!

Yes, a school mum who I thought was nice - not close friends but school gates chat. Someone had died by suicide on the train tracks, which led to her train being delayed. She said she didn't care if people killed themselves, but they should show some consideration for other people and find a method that didn't inconvenience them (as in, her).

Another school mum, same chatting aquaintance level, who said her daughter had made friends with nice kids at secondary school, "not you know, those horribly chavvy types". I hate that word, think it should be as taboo as the n work or the p word. I was pregnant at the time, and genuinely thought I was going to be sick. Got waves of nausea every time I thought about that woman after that.

I went from liking them well enough to despising them in one sentence.

I do wonder if I've ever had the same effect on someone with something I've said.

Ah, this reminded me. I am in the Rolls Building and left my coat outside in the corridor, on the seats - the hearing room is tiny, packed with bundles, etc. A clerk comes up to me and smilingly, suggest - don't leave your coat here, it will be nicked (all OK up to this moment). I go - what, in the Rolls Building it will get nicked, I don't think so. He goes 'Oh, you have no idea, we have such scum here.... (all OK up to this moment, commercial division mostly, people try to fuck each other over) and then - like a blow to the stomach - Litigants in person, you know. He was implying those desperate with no money for representation were scum. A mere clerk with such ideas!

Well, it's the 25th anniversary today so it's all over the place, so it's going to trigger memories

Years ago, I attended a small conference.

When I arrived, there were a few of the organisers / speakers greeting everyone.

One guy shook my hand, introduced himself, and the rest of the conversation went like this

Man - "Where about in the country are you from?"
Me - "I'm from xyz town"
Man - "I'm sorry?"
Me - "I'm from xyz town"
Man - "Yes, I heard you the first time - I'm just sorry that's where you live"

He thought he was being funny. I just glared at him and walked off. I was only young at the time, and if it happened now, I would have told him what I thought of him.

I did see him a couple of times afterwards at various functions, and I avoided him like the plague. Awful man he was.

Hey, my partner at the time said "All this terrorism, it's not even funny any more!"

In his defence, I THINK he was probably trying to say "this is getting really serious now" rather than "it was funny up until now" . . .

We're not together any more.

Line manager at work who is Lithuanian once say to me how annoying all the little gold coloured bricks outside buildings were dotted around Lithuania. I had to bite my tongue to not shout at her because surrounded by students, they were out of earshot of what she said luckily.

The bricks are memorials at the old homes of the Lithuanian Jews that were killed in pogroms.

She is a total fuckwit

"in the nicest way (then predictably proceeds to be the exact antithesis of 'nice')

hence, why it was phrased 'the nicest way' not 'to be nice...'

"a simultaneously sudden loss of life and global sense of safety that has had huge ripple effects. It was a horrific watershed moment on so many levels and nothing had ever been witnessed like that before"

I guess you didn't pay attention in history class. Think my grandad would take issue with your never been witnessed like that before comment. I'm sure he could name one small event.

Had a catch up with two old work colleagues a couple of months ago. In the course of the conversation one of them said she had been to the 'Pxxx shop' on the way there. Aghast, I said "What did you say? What type of shop?" I heard it very clearly but wanted to make her squirm on repeating it. She giggled and said "Asian shop" so I told her how sickening and offensive that was, then upped and left. She apologised half-heartedly as I was leaving but I went home and blocked her on everything. Hope she was ashamed / chastened but I doubt it.

My son in his 40s took his own life and the number of idiots who have wondered why l wasnt comforted by tales of them knowing how l feel because there 90 odd year old mum/dad/next door but one neighbour /cat /dog died recently.
Disclaimer l am a dog lover and have broken my heart over every dog lve ever lost ...but still, come on.

What a racist twat. Well done for speaking up. So many think they don’t have to say anything and can be a good person. But good people challenge racism.