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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to tell him I have booked the ballet weekend alone?

118 replies

cheveuxblanc · 09/09/2026 22:22

I am in my 50s. I am dating a man who is a bit hopeless.but we go to events together, like ballet and the opera

I said to him a few weeks ago that I had tickets for a ballet this weekend if he wanted to come. He did not reply. It is also my birthday next week and he said he was not able to think of something to do this weekend as he had too much else to think about - this really related to a weekend in Rome for him and his daughter that I had paid for but he was stressed about: he’s been now and had a ball but not mentioned next weekend since he’s been back this week.

I obviously have the tickets, and have booked a hotel room for myself as well as a nice meal.
He has not yet asked about the weekend and what I am doing, but would I be unreasonable to tell him that he had his chance and I have booked a night just for me?

OP posts:
crumpet · 09/09/2026 22:27

If you would feel happier just doing it and going alone, then absolutely go for it! Kick back, relax and enjoy just pleasing yourself and not needing to take him into account. Don’t even say that there is a second ticket in existence.

(but don’t cur your nose off to spite your face if you’d really rather he was there and this is a bit of of an aberration on his part).

DahliaDelights · 09/09/2026 22:28

Or you could chase the man, show youre absolutely desperate for his affection and attention... remind him AGAIN its your birthday, and give him the chance to make an effort on your dime (not that he hasnt had ample opportunity..)

Go alone, have an amazing time. Drop the rope on the man, if he valued you he would have shown it. What does he actually bring to your life?

abbey44 · 09/09/2026 22:28

You paid for him and his daughter to go to Rome for a weekend and he can’t be arsed to do something special for your birthday?? “A bit hopeless” is an understatement. You deserve better than this - throw this one back, he’s not worth the effort.

abbey44 · 09/09/2026 22:30

Oh, and enjoy the ballet and dinner by yourself - it sounds an amazing weekend.

Original poster
cheveuxblanc · 09/09/2026 22:31

DahliaDelights · 09/09/2026 22:28

Or you could chase the man, show youre absolutely desperate for his affection and attention... remind him AGAIN its your birthday, and give him the chance to make an effort on your dime (not that he hasnt had ample opportunity..)

Go alone, have an amazing time. Drop the rope on the man, if he valued you he would have shown it. What does he actually bring to your life?

This is it really, if he comes it will be at my expense and my organisation and I don’t think that’s right

OP posts:
calflions · 09/09/2026 22:31

Why tf did you buy him a holiday in Rome?

Original poster
cheveuxblanc · 09/09/2026 22:33

calflions · 09/09/2026 22:31

Why tf did you buy him a holiday in Rome?

Because I came into some money and he and his daughter have had a hard time

i keep out of the family stuff as my dc are grown up

OP posts:
Ikeameatballs · 09/09/2026 22:33

I would reconsider the whole relationship.

PressTheSwitch · 09/09/2026 22:33

@cheveuxblanc if he hasn’t asked about the weekend, why would you tell him? Just go.

Dozer · 09/09/2026 22:34

Stop paying for stuff for a man who is ‘hopeless’

Original poster
cheveuxblanc · 09/09/2026 22:35

I am very much reconsidering it

I think I’m worried in case he asks what I’m doing, he lives in the city where the ballet is on

OP posts:
PaperPanama · 09/09/2026 22:35

Pretty much the first thing you said about him: he's a bit hopeless. Listen to yourself. Why do you even bother with him? He's a sponger who can't be bothered about you.

GrantMyWishes · 09/09/2026 22:36

Sounds like he's happy to take what he wants from you OP, but not to give a whole lot back. I don't think this is the man for you. Go and enjoy the ballet, and forget about this one.

Original poster
cheveuxblanc · 09/09/2026 22:37

PaperPanama · 09/09/2026 22:35

Pretty much the first thing you said about him: he's a bit hopeless. Listen to yourself. Why do you even bother with him? He's a sponger who can't be bothered about you.

I think you’re right, sadly

OP posts:
Sagarmatha · 09/09/2026 22:38

PaperPanama · 09/09/2026 22:35

Pretty much the first thing you said about him: he's a bit hopeless. Listen to yourself. Why do you even bother with him? He's a sponger who can't be bothered about you.

^ this

PressTheSwitch · 09/09/2026 22:41

cheveuxblanc · 09/09/2026 22:35

I am very much reconsidering it

I think I’m worried in case he asks what I’m doing, he lives in the city where the ballet is on

Just go AWOL for the weekend. Don’t answer calls or messages.

echt · 09/09/2026 22:44

Mr Hopeless saw you coming all right.
He's a user.

Do yourself a favour, have a lovely birthday weekend without him, or telling him.

Oh, and block him.

Huckleberries · 09/09/2026 22:44

I suppose just go for the weekend, don't answer the phone and then end it when you get home

How long have you been together?

Pollqueen · 09/09/2026 22:46

I honestly have no words. Ditch the deadbeat bloke and take a friend to the ballet and please, please raise your bar OP you deserve so much more

Hopefulsalmon · 09/09/2026 22:49

I'd just dump him but if you're not sure just go without telling him and stick him on mute for the weekend.
Your plans sound lovely.

Greenfingers37 · 09/09/2026 22:50

You are far too good for him-throw him back.

Dozer · 09/09/2026 22:51

So what if he finds out you’re in his city.

If you have two tickets is there a friend who’d like to join you?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/09/2026 22:54

I wouldn't even bother contacting him with the "you had your chance" nonsense. Just don't bother with him again. Go and enjoy the ballet, and perhaps give the spare ticket to someone passing by outside the theatre.

BrokenWingsCantFly · 09/09/2026 22:58

A guy who didn't want to treat you on your birthday is shit.

A guy who happily accepted your overly generous gift of a trip to Rome for him and his daughter, but then still doesn't want to treat you on your birthday is unforgivably shit.

Can't believe someone would have the cheek to accept that gift and not want to do something nice for you. Especially when you handed him the idea of what you would like to do. So he cant use the excuse of he couldn't think of anything

MimiGC · 09/09/2026 22:59

How long have you been together? I think you offering to pay for a holiday for him and his daughter without you was a bit OTT and he shouldn’t have accepted that. But as he did, he should jolly well remember, and do something nice for you on, your birthday. If money is tight for him, fair enough, but he can show his appreciation and affection in ways that don’t cost much. If he doesn’t, then end it.