AIBU to tell him I have booked the ballet weekend alone?

[cheveuxblanc]

I am in my 50s. I am dating a man who is a bit hopeless.but we go to events together, like ballet and the opera

I said to him a few weeks ago that I had tickets for a ballet this weekend if he wanted to come. He did not reply. It is also my birthday next week and he said he was not able to think of something to do this weekend as he had too much else to think about - this really related to a weekend in Rome for him and his daughter that I had paid for but he was stressed about: he’s been now and had a ball but not mentioned next weekend since he’s been back this week.

I obviously have the tickets, and have booked a hotel room for myself as well as a nice meal.
He has not yet asked about the weekend and what I am doing, but would I be unreasonable to tell him that he had his chance and I have booked a night just for me?

But you've already told you what you're doing! And he's chosen to not pay much attention and say that he's too busy/preoccupied to give it any thought.

If he does ask again, remind him that you already told him you were going to the ballet for your birthday treat.

And then bin him off completely.

I think that’s a fair point.

He loves the ballet and theatre so it’s not that. I think everything is too much for him and he chose not to prioritise this

he only knows that I have tickets. I booked the rest just for me

Use your resources for yourself and your DC. & invest in your other relationships

5 years is a long time you’ve spent with him.

If after that time he still can’t cope with solo parenting and dating and isn’t consistently treating you well, putting in a reasonable amount of effort and so on, he’s no longer a good person for you to date.

How's the relationship been overall? Is this a one time blip where he's stressed/distracted or part of a larger pattern? You haven't said much about the overall relationship except that he's good company and was great about a hard time you went through.

So what if he asks?. It's not like he is going to track you down or follow you. That would involve making an effort and that's not how he rolls. Best of luck OP.

Just tell him you're going to the ballet alone if you bump into him. It doesn't sound like he's going to ask.

Listen we don’t know enough to advise you, it’s reckless to do so. We don’t know the circumstances that led him to bring his child up alone, how challenging that is, who would have the child while you go out, what you love about him, how he really treats you. If he was going away with his child alone, he probably was stressed. Decide if you want to go to the ballet with him, if you do ask again and make peace with the answer x

I am in my 50s. I am dating a man who is a bit hopeless
He's more than a bit hopeless.

I said to him a few weeks ago that I had tickets for a ballet this weekend if he wanted to come. He did not reply. It is also my birthday next week and he said he was not able to think of something to do this weekend as he had too much else to think about
I'm not saying your birthday should be his number 1 priority but it should be among his top priorities, if he cares about you at all. Honestly, how much effort does it take to think about something nice to do for your girlfriend's birthday and book some tickets and a hotel. Once you've decided what to do you can book things very quickly and easily. It's not like it's the 70s when you'd have had to make bookings over the phone or order tickets by post or something.

I knew it was over with one of my exes when he did fuck all for my birthday, didn't even get me a present and when I complained about it he immediately went on my Amazon wishlist and bought the first 3 things on there (took him 2 minutes). It showed me how much he cared about me because he could have been on the Amazon wishlist the week before, chosen some things and given them to me on the day. But no.

this really related to a weekend in Rome for him and his daughter that I had paid for but he was stressed about: he’s been now and had a ball but not mentioned next weekend since he’s been back this week

Never pay for anything for him ever again. He's potentially a wannabe cocklodger. And while we're at it - when you ditch this prick and find someone else, don't be using your money to pay for weekends you aren't even going on just because someone told you they were having a "hard year". These cocklodgers always have a sob story.

I hope you didn't pull a muscle with that ridiculous reach.

Seriously, why do some posters on here make up such nonsense ?

He needs downgraded to a fwb if you can't ltb altogether..

If he knows you got tickets and the venue is in his city did he not invite to to stay at his?

If he didn't even ask you when you told him you had tickets , that's a bit odd and I guess that's why you booked hotel, or simply that you wouldn't wish to stay at his pace.

I wouldn't tell him about the hotel booking, just go and have a nice relaxing time and a nice meal somewhere maybe you like but he wouldn't ever treat you too.

I cannot really fathom why you do things for this man who sounds more than a bit useless. Is there anyone else who could get the use of the ticket on the proviso they pay for their own accommodation and travel? Stop paying for this man. If he cannot be bothered to arrange something for your birthday he doesn’t care about you and is just letting you treat him. A waste of space.

The whole thing was weird

He would normally jump at going

he messages me a lot but just off about doing things

he does have a lot going on, and I’ve stepped away from sorting these things

I think you know it’s run its course but what a shame you paid for his holiday before realising this. I know you said you can afford it but that holiday money could be gathering interest in an account for one of the children. They get v expensive if they want to go to uni. 😁 Anyway I’d go and enjoy myself (maybe with a girlfriend, maybe not) then finish things with the hopeless one.

'We don't know enough to advise' applies to every single post on MN.

And irrespective of all the potential mitigating personal circumstances which may or may not exist for this flaky dude, OP is still feeling uncared for on her birthday weekend and a bit used.

OP I hope you enjoy the ballet this weekend & that you've navigated telling him your plans without unnecessary drama.

The thing is we only ever know the poster's side of their story on every post. Most posters are looking for personal opinions on their troubling thoughts about something going in their lives.

I hope the OP has received sufficient reassurance that the majority feel her man is as hopeless as she says he is, even taking into account his unknown side of the story, and that she managed to have a nice birthday despite his thoughtlessness.

OP, did you enjoy the weekend? Have you decided to dump him yet?