If the bride isn't bothered should I be?

[HaveYouMetMissBones]

Bride is a good friend. In our group we have had notice of her wedding for nearly 2 years and it's 3 months away. She gave us ample opp. to rsvp with Save The Dates, has kept us up to date with the planning and it's well known she's ordered the favours and seating plan now as well as paid for the entire do with no help and lots of saving up. She invited our friendship group ( all of us are ages 29 to 32 so had a fair few weddings between us now ) and let us all invite our partners. One friend who has form for being spectacularly selfish messaged the group chat yesterday when bride posted to us all to say she isn't coming anymore and has booked a holiday instead as it's the only time she will have to do this with her work schedule. Bride didn't reply at all but another friend said 'wowwww' which i don't necessarily agree was helpful. I saw bride today and she admitted it was really bad form but shrugged and said she will just need to amend the seating plan ( at a fee as ahe already agreed and received the final print ) to remove them and wont get a refund for friend and her boyfriend. She shrugged it off and said at this point what can she really do ? And she wants no ill feelkng before her wedding. Friend can get quite defensive of her choices. I do agree with this and it isn't my wedding but I have to see selfish friend tomorrow at a small group meet up and I don't know what to say when it's bought up, which it will be. I think it's really bloody rude but if I tell her this will it go against my bride friends wishes? Bride friend is lovely and doesn't deserve to be walked all over just because she wont say anything and I find it hard to be fake and pretend someone's not been rude when they have.

Yabu - leave it alone and bite your tongue
Yanbu - she's a cf and needs to know it isn't okay

Just leave it, you dont want to overshadow the wedding

Just say nothing, silence can sometimes convey as much as words.

Thanks both I think you're probably right as it isn't my day, true about silence too

You’re all grown up enough to be honest - “bride is cool with it and it’s up to you if you don’t go, but I would be hurt and wouldn’t book a holiday when I’ve accepted an invite to a friends wedding day”

doesn’t drop the bride in it, can’t cause trouble unless she’s nuts….

I’d follow the bride’s lead. She clearly doesn’t want any drama around the wedding so I’d let it be.

but I’d take note of this friend’s behaviour - when people show you who they are, believe them

Don't make a scene, but also... this would make me pause and reevaluate my own friendship with the holidaymaker.

Friend has made her bed, I’d leave it. She probably wants a big song and dance about it, don’t give it to her. This is the brides day and you don’t want to waste effort on stuff like this. If she brings it up, I’d say something like “wouldn’t be me but it’s your choice” and leave it like that. I’d also probably leave the friendship as what would she do if it were you? The same thing probably.

Say nothing. Just ask about the holiday if it comes up. The bride doesn’t need the drama…

Maybe everyone else is more chilled than me and you should take their advice - my sister does tend to ask me to let things go on her behalf…I just can’t see nice people be trampled and say nothing 😂 But I suppose what good would it actually do?!

Hahaha absolutely this. I don't want to sound like I dont like friend much, but relating to the wedding only I have found her to be quite inconsiderate towards my other friend and zi remember her doing this before. I wonder if it's jealousy and her way of showing them their special days aren't a priority.

Best way is to say nothing. I feel holidaying friend is looking for attention and might be delighted if things are stirred about her not going to the wedding.

Say nothing, and tip off anyone else there to do the same. I reckon holiday girl might be surprised that her actions have not caused ructions at all. She is insignificant right?

Very true actually probably a good strategy! Thank you.

I can honestly say you should mind your own business, stay out of it - In doing so respect what the bride wants. It is nothing to do with you if someone behaves poorly or communicated in a crass way. Let them sit with it.

It sounds like she wants a reaction so as others have said, don’t give it to her

She might bring it up herself (in frustration at the lack of a mention by others!). Have some strategy in mind for that possibility also. I'd suggest a shrug of the shoulders and a "that's nice", so Joan (other friend), where did you get that lovely dress/top/earrings whatever, change the subject neatly and move it on. No attention given to holiday girl at all....

The wedding is 3 months away. I'm older so don't go to weddings now but I thought invitations usually go out about 2 months in advance?

I had some friends who didn't come to our wedding as they were on holiday. I was ok with that

Don't stir up trouble

Whatever you say, say it with a big smile.

Going against the grain I think you should tactfully but firmly say something. Silence allows this kind of behaviour. And I agree with the above perhaps revaluate your friendship with her. She sounds horrid.

I'd say nothing, but if unreliable friend were to bring it up and ask for reactions I'd probably say "yeah, you don't really want to know my thoughts" and quickly change the subject.

I agree with this.Sounds like the bride has the measure of this so called friend.

I suspect the bride isn't really OK with it but what can she do and she probably doesn't want to come off as a Bridezilla.

2 years notice for a friends wedding?! Where’s she getting married, Westminster abbey?! 😂
Bride is right, no point being dramatic about anything, nothing to do with you at all, keep out of it. Bride has decided she doesn’t want the hassle, follow her lead.

Say nothing, but mention it after the wedding perhaps? I hope she’s giving the couple an extra generous present.

You could ask her how much money does she think the bride has lost on their meals.

She gave 3 months notice. That's loads.
So she should sacrifice her holiday for the year just to attend a wedding? If that's how it fell with her work, then she may have only had limited time she is able to go away.