If the bride isn't bothered should I be?

[HaveYouMetMissBones]

Bride is a good friend. In our group we have had notice of her wedding for nearly 2 years and it's 3 months away. She gave us ample opp. to rsvp with Save The Dates, has kept us up to date with the planning and it's well known she's ordered the favours and seating plan now as well as paid for the entire do with no help and lots of saving up. She invited our friendship group ( all of us are ages 29 to 32 so had a fair few weddings between us now ) and let us all invite our partners. One friend who has form for being spectacularly selfish messaged the group chat yesterday when bride posted to us all to say she isn't coming anymore and has booked a holiday instead as it's the only time she will have to do this with her work schedule. Bride didn't reply at all but another friend said 'wowwww' which i don't necessarily agree was helpful. I saw bride today and she admitted it was really bad form but shrugged and said she will just need to amend the seating plan ( at a fee as ahe already agreed and received the final print ) to remove them and wont get a refund for friend and her boyfriend. She shrugged it off and said at this point what can she really do ? And she wants no ill feelkng before her wedding. Friend can get quite defensive of her choices. I do agree with this and it isn't my wedding but I have to see selfish friend tomorrow at a small group meet up and I don't know what to say when it's bought up, which it will be. I think it's really bloody rude but if I tell her this will it go against my bride friends wishes? Bride friend is lovely and doesn't deserve to be walked all over just because she wont say anything and I find it hard to be fake and pretend someone's not been rude when they have.

Yabu - leave it alone and bite your tongue
Yanbu - she's a cf and needs to know it isn't okay

Amazed that the bride will lose money with 3 months to go and that she's already received the final seating plan.

Don't get involved, it's nothing to do with you.

Goodness three days before my wedding someone had a heart attack (they recovered) and another elderly guest broke their arm - I just moved a couple people around and told them in person on the day where they were to sit. Very brave to have a printed seating chart finalised three months out!
Yes it’s poor form but it’s not up to you, and I bet the bride is really pissed off but recognises there’s no point in wasting her energy getting angry. I wouldn’t say anything but if the guest brings it up I’d make it clear I thought it was poor without using words. I’m sure you can do that.
I’ve been to weddings where there have been no shows - wonder how that’s handled afterwards!

I agree with this. I'd definitely have to bite my tongue though

Three months notice is actually ample. It’s a shame but it’s hardly last minute.
Certainly unless there is something particularly exceptional about the wedding then drop outs 3 months before the wedding shouldn’t have a cost implication. Catering numbers aren’t embedded at this stage.
(And if your friend has already created an unmovable seating plan and had it printed 3 months in advance then that’s just bad planning. There are usually last minute changes at weddings!)

Rude to pull out in a group text. But not your place to chastise her

bit foolish to have the seating plan printed already

surely a few days before is sufficient

If it gets discussed stay quiet no comment that will say it all .. then id think about if I actually want her as a friend to be honest.

It is really rude, but people always have no shows at weddings - they said 10% at our venue and it was spot on. RSVP’d yes and then just didn’t.

Bride sounds lovely, holidaymaker horrible, group text very rude. (It isn’t your job to get on to her though, tempted though I would be myself.)

Don't go

The formal invites probably haven't even been sent out yet never mind rsvp.

3 months notice is hardly last minute nor is it classed as a no show.

You have no idea what else the friend is trying to plan her life around.

I don't get why you feel the need to say something when it's not your wedding. What good could come of it. If flakey friend asks your opinion, that's different, but otherwise just crack on as you normally would.
If I was the bride, I'd be very much like your friend; think it's a bit shit but ho-hum. She can't change it, and neither can you. I'd just get on with it.

How much notice would people have liked the friend to give to avoid being called flaky?

The bride's had 3 month's notice, so she probably recognises it was her choice to get the seating plan beautifully produced so far in advance and has accepted there's most likely to be some changes. This culture of sending a save the date 2 years in advance and imagining that ties people into an agreement akin to a legal contract is a bit bonkers. The friend is maybe a bit fed up of dates in her 20s and 30s (the freedom years!) being tied up with (dull!) weddings years in advance, I know I felt like that and that was before weddings became all about Instagram.

I wouldn't be chatting away about her holiday like everything is great, I'd change the subject if she brought it up. But I also wouldn't be openly challenging her, the bride deserves good vibes around her (long awaited!) big day.
I think I'd be focusing all my attention on the bride and other friends, and making sure rude friend knows all about how fabulous the wedding was.

I don’t see how it’s anything to do with you? Also in ordering a non-editable seating plan 3 months in advance, she may have to suck up that there will be other changes too. C’est la vie.

I wouldn’t care if I was the bride and if a holiday opportunity came up for me rather than a wedding I’d book the holiday too

I can’t understand the drama at all.

I'd just say something like 'oh, that's such a shame you'll miss all the fun. Good that (bride's name') so chilled isn't it' and let her stew.

I think the bride is incredibly relaxed about this, most brides would be furious and to be frank, rightly so! The “friend” is no friend at all. I wouldn’t get involved but I also wouldn’t want to be friends with this CF anymore.

It does seem a little risky to confirm the seating plan 3 months ahead, lots of unexpected events can happen in that time. I do think it's bad form for the friend to accept the invitation then book a holiday - I don't think I'd give her a full invite if I was another in the group getting married in future.

Why ask about the holiday? I'd ignore it, and aim to tell holiday person afterwards what a fantastic day she missed.

Just make sure holiday friend knows what a fab day the wedding was and her holiday paled into insignificance compared to it...just saying !

I suspect the Bride is bring pragmatic. No point getting stressed about it. I bet flakey "friend" won't invited to the brides social events in the future.

Printing the seating plan 3 months before an event is slightly mental to be honest, there are bound to be other changes (Aunty Sue goes into hospital etc)..

The wedding is over 2 years away and the bride has paid for the whole thing, sorted a seating plan and ordered favours already?
Will she even be with her fella in 6 months let alone that far ahead?
Having said that holiday friend doesn't sound like a friend, so why concern about what she may or may not be doing anyway?

If you accept a wedding invitation and then pull out - you are flaky. With a limited number of exclusion like if you die before hand etc.