AIBU to feel snubbed not being invited to future SIL's hen do

[NewGoldFox]

Bil and future sil hen and stag dos are on the same day. My oh, mil and fil have been invited, I’ve not been.

AIBU to feel snubbed by this arrangement?

Im not sure a hen weekend is really the right situation to be getting to know you. The hen is for her to have an amazing time with her friends and the people she is close to.

You really are over thinking this.

Your BiL has invited his brother on his stag - Expected
Your BiL has invited his father on his stag - Could go either way, a lot of people wouldn't, a lot would
Your future SiL has invited her future MiL on the hen - fairly common and I suspect she is closer to her MiL than she is to you.

But its not your hen.... I guarantee there will be other women on the hen whos husbands are not meeting up with them after....

I suspect your the problem here op and not well liked within the family. I take it the comment about being a bastard was you had kid out of wedlock and you got on your high horse about a joke that didnt land properly and held a grude but not enough for them to spoil the kids but to ruin your dh relationship with his brother.

I’d be thrilled to not be invited to a hen do ! 🤣

OP does a lot of hosting, telling her to not be so quick to offer to host in future is not encouraging a 'blood feud'.

It's weird how you think the whole family being together without OP is fine but OP not hosting is inviting 'a blood feud'.

think it’s a bit odd, and slightly rude, to invite some of her in laws and not others.

You don't seem to be friends with her in particular so why would she invite you? You won't know many people there except MIL. The relationship between MIL and SIL is a different dynamic.

No I don't think you're being unreasonable. To be honest, by not making an effort to include you, she's not making a good start to your future relationship. Also she's not even been thoughtful enough to consider whether you would feel hurt if you weren't included.My advice is don't go where you've not been invited and learn from it. Keep her at arms length. She may hurt you again and you sound to nicer person to be treated badly.

Why on earth would she invite you then

If your MIL wasn’t invited I would say that it’s fine you haven’t been, but because she has been invited I think it’s rude to not invite you as the only other member of the family not going.

However had you both been invited, would you be able to get a babysitter so you could both attend, as I would say if one of you has to miss out due to childcare, it should be you due to it being your husbands brother being the one getting married.

It didn't even cross my mind to invite SILs to my hen do. Why would she invite you when you have no relationship outside of big family gatherings? Some people do seem to invite anyone and everyone to have a big group but I think most only want to be with people they are close to.

Hen do's are tacky, excruciating, dull, and a hundred other bad things. Be grateful that you are not obligated to attend.

I don't get invited to my inlaws girly days and nights out (MIL, SIL, SoMIL, CousinsIL), so I didn't invite them to my hen do and they all saw their arse lol. They saw their arse even more when I only invited MIL to the wedding, and only because I felt like we had to - we only had parents and our kids there. My 'hen do' was organised by friends who understand and supported our wedding decision before anyone comes at me. Funny how some people expect things to be both ways but not their own way.
Anyways OP, I haven't read the other replies, but if you're not close and have nothing in common, not sure why you're that bothered. Surely it's a good thing?

Most times only parents, siblings, and occasionally aunts/uncles get an invite in my experience. They want to have fun and chill with their closest people. It's not fun missing out but I DEFINITELY wouldn't bring this up or you'll look super intense and it would likely damage your relationships.

Are you sure husband didnt speak for you and say youd stay at home?

Why are people saying it’s not weird and insisting it’s fine when clearly the OP should’ve expected an invitation particularly if her MIL has been invited and the parties are all meeting at the end.

Did your DH not say anything to his brother?

Because if you’ve been excluded as she doesn’t like you or doesn’t consider you family then you know where you stand and you don’t have to bother including her and your BIL to anything hosted by your family.

I don’t think it’s a snub unless there’s some history between you. For my hen I didn’t invite either of my SILs. Not because I don’t like them and one had been married to my brother for 10 years at the time. But I don’t consider them friends as such in that I don’t see them other than at family occasions. I also didn’t invite my mum or MIL though to be fair, but that’s because it wouldn’t have been their thing at all. Otherwise I would have as your MIL is more significant than your SIL to be honest! My hen was just with my close friends. I wouldn’t overthink it. Unless there’s other people going who she barely knows, I don’t think this has anything to do with you personally.

If you don't have a good relationship with your BIL, it's not surprising you aren't invited. Your MIL will be the Bride's MIL so she is likely to want to invite her. It's usual to do so. You are an in-law once removed. Can you be sure your BIL isn't aware that you vetoed his brother being best man? It might be awkward if you were there especially when the hens and stags combine.

Wouldn't worry to much. Hen do's are pretty overrated especially if you hardly k ow the person.

That’s not what a hen do is for. Imo it’s to celebrate with your closest ones. You say you’re not close. So it makes sense.

I think that your dh has obviously told his brother that you’ve vetoed him being best man and why. It’s quite some thing to turn down a request to be best man and he’d have to have given a good reason why. Just because he’s told you that he hasn’t let on it’s you that’s told him to decline the invitation, his brother would likely have been hurt and confused, so he’ll have had to explain. I think that explains the lack of invite, they’re pissed off with you about it and can easily hide behind the reason that they thought you’d need to stay home for the kids.

btw I think you were harsh.

It is not weird at all now that we know OP has made her DH turn down being his brother’s best man. I can imagine that is quite detrimental for family relationships. The ones who are going haven’t tried to interfere with wjo is allowed to be in the wedding party.

Bit of a drip feed there!
You forced your husband (who is the grooms only brother) to step down from being best man and then wonder why you haven't been invited to the hen do when they will be meeting with the stags
I think it's pretty obvious why the bride and groom don't want you there

Now I’ve seen all your updates, I still don’t think it’s a snub that you weren’t invited. But baffled as to why you’re bothered anyway. You don’t like your BIL who’s getting married, so much that you’ve asked your husband not to be his best man. And you barely know the SIL. So why on earth would you go even if you were invited?! The comment about your children not attending was weird.
But tbf, your husband declining to be his brothers best man doesn’t bode well for future and I would potentially expect not to be invited to as many events that they throw. I understand you have your reasons for asking him to decline. And just based on your side of the story, he doesn’t sound like a nice man so I don’t blame you! But as his brother, I’m not sure that was your place to decide really. So you don’t want him being best man, but you’re happy for him to go on the stag and you’re miffed you’re not going to the hen. For people you don’t like. It all sounds weird. You can’t not like people but at the same time be upset that you’re not in attendance at events where they are the main focus.

You are out of order for that. It his is decision to make

N