AIBU to feel snubbed not being invited to future SIL's hen do

[NewGoldFox]

Bil and future sil hen and stag dos are on the same day. My oh, mil and fil have been invited, I’ve not been.

AIBU to feel snubbed by this arrangement?

I’d have to say something. It’s shitty.

I wasn’t invited to my sil and I’m fine with it - I wouldn’t have known anyone

not on her hen... invite her out for a pre-wedding brunch or something. Her hen is about celebrating her, not for her to get to know people! If you're not sure if your husband has said anything why don't you ask him, he could have mentioned that you wouldn't be able to attend.

How many things have you invited her to, coffee, shopping, lunches, have you taken the initiative and got to know her?

how much effort have you made to welcome your new sister into your life? you’ve probably had six months at least to invite her to get to know you better, to do social things and activities to welcome her into your family. Have you?
if not then what’s the big deal?
if you have been actively and practically welcoming then it does seem rather unkind to not include you now.

I’ll admit I got the word snub from ChatGPT when I asked if it was usual for invites to pan out this way.

She has been keen to get to know my children and spend time with them but made no effort with me so far.

I really appreciate how you have framed the invites and think this is probably how it’s all come about to be fair.

if you don’t know her well I wouldn’t expect to be invited

Please stop using AI for nonsense like this. Or at all.
It’s not a snub.

I haven’t invited her out to be fair, I’ve made the effort to be friendly and welcoming when we’ve been together and made the effort to make her mum feel at ease at gatherings as she attends alone.

I wasn't invited to my sil hen nor was my mom. We barely know each other and have little in common other than my brother. I was delighted not to be invited for the Hen to be honest.

If you really wanted to get to know her then you could have invited them over for a bbq this summer, we've had a lovely long hot summer perfect for socialising.

I don't think it's a snub though, don't take it personally.

When was the last time you had them round for Sunday Lunch?

Sil didn't invite me and I didn't invite her. Nobody was snubbing anyone

It’s a bit awkward, we can’t host due to pet allergies in the family. We did the majority of hosting prior to acquiring the pet but I appreciate she wasn’t around to benefit!

A friendly relationship may develop over the years or you can sulk about this non snub and make a thing of it in your mind.

why should her hen do be about you?

You are married to her futur husband's brother if I get that right?
You are not even a sister of the groom?

You will have a better relationship but not making it all about you. Become friend when you meet, maybe you will grow close, maybe you won't.

I wouldn't class my partner's sibling's partner as family so I can see why she hasn't invited you.

Unless you are friends with the bride, then I'm not surprised that you haven't been invited. Your title is misleading as she isn't your future SiL, she's DHs. DH and FiL (grooms brother and dad) will of course be at the stag do, and MiL (brides future MiL) invited to the hen party also makes sense. Inviting you and your children doesn't make sense, even though the two parties are going to meet up at at the end. Of course it would be nice, but I don't think its rude or that you have somehow been unfairly excluded. Invite her for coffee/lunch if you really want to get to know her, a hen do isn't the best time for that.

Could you host outside the home? Invite them to a restaurant?

Anyway, I'd be delighted not to attend lol it's probably saved you the best part of £500 😀

No it’s probably down to the fact you said weren’t friends.

I wouldn’t dream of inviting my SILs on my hen.

I think your further posts but a different slant on it. All your husbsnds family have been invited except you. If they hadn't been planning to meet up later then fair enough. She has made efforts with your husband and your children but not you. Where and how has she met your children? Any of the family involved in the wedding?

You only want to go to the hen party because “everyone else is going” that is not a reason to go.

if you were friends, had spent time together 1 on 1 or double dating, etc then I could understand the hurt at not being invited. But that’s not the situation.
you’re literally mad that on this “night out” DH will be there with his parents and brother but not you.

presumably you’ve been invited to the wedding?

Then it's not a snub at all. Honestly, this is really normal. Yes, some people feel they have to invite mums, in-laws, cousins, aunts, etc - but loads of people don't and it's not remotely a snub, honestly. It's just that some people see a hen do primarily as friends and people you've been close to forever.

Not one of my friends has invited their SILs on their hen weekends! And none of them dislike their SILs or anything. They just didn't see the hen do as being a family thing. One friend had her mum and future mother-in-law? But the MIL didn't stay for the whole thing, only the meal and a couple of drinks as she didn't want the bride to feel she couldn't let her hair down!

If you want a relationship with her you need to put in some effort. I would never have invited DH's brother's wife to my hen do, she made no effort to get to know me and preferred to go shopping alone than to see us so would send BIL alone. My MIL on the other hand I know very well.

Who has the allergies that prevent you from hosting? If it isn't BIL/future SIL then what is stopping you inviting just them over? It doesn't need to be a whole family get-together

They take them on days out as she gets vouchers with work.

This is a fairly big drip and I wasn’t going to mention it but my husband was asked to be best man but declined as after our wedding day my bil called my one month old baby a bastard twice directly to my face. Whilst on the whole I’ve let it go, I wasn’t happy for my husband to play the role of best man.

Her hen do isn’t about you. She’s only met you a few times. I wasn’t invited to any of my SIL’s hen do. It didn’t phase me in the slightest.