AIBU to feel snubbed not being invited to future SIL's hen do

[NewGoldFox]

Bil and future sil hen and stag dos are on the same day. My oh, mil and fil have been invited, I’ve not been.

AIBU to feel snubbed by this arrangement?

Did your husband decline because you asked him to or because he wanted to decline?

That’s a drip with a lot of ripples, op. That’s shocking! Do you think your bil had anything to do with the non-invite? I think that my initial take was that you are enough steps removed from the hen, that not inviting you isn’t an obvious snub, but on reflection, it would have been a nice gesture to invite you, especially if the family isn’t particularly big.

With an attitude like that why do you let them take your DC out?

My husband would have gone along with being best man. I felt it was a step too far.

That is quite the drip feed! When the bil called your baby a bastard was it in a jokey manner? Also does bil realise that you were against your husband being his best man, due to his comments?

Why on earth did he do that? Not that there is any conceivable justification, but why would anyone do this?!

It’s wild the knots people are tying themselves into to prove you and this women have no relationship “future husbands brothers wife” 🙄🙄

she’s your future sister in law. In a world where she has invited her future mother in law to her hen do then inviting her future sister in law would generally be considered good manners - the hen do obviously isn’t reserved for close friends of the bride in this instance.

so yeah, barring your DH telling his brother he can only go on the stag if you stay home with the kids, I’d see a non-invite as a snub.

Nothing you can do about it other than match their energy - they obviously don’t see a relationship with you as important so no need for you to invest your time in building one with them.

I think he was under a lot of stress at the time and can only assume the intention was hurtful, I can’t imagine anyone would ever find it funny.
I don’t think he knows, my husband didn’t mention it when he declined.

Why do you let your BIL and his future wife take your children out on day trips?

Absolutely not! This is your future SIL's last chance to be surrounded exclusively by her gang - she does not need the enemy in her circle (joke!!!!). She does not want a pair of opposition eyes spying on her - you know, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. You are not relatives yet. Please leave her alone. She could have been speaking to her girl-friends about potential doubts about marrying your db, they don't want to guard their tongues on their happy do. What next - invite your future MIL to start the war early?

It was a long time ago and not typical behaviour. Well not to my face anyway!
The pair of them are responsible and the children enjoy the time with them, I’ve got no reason to think they would do or say anything like that again, my children are old enough to tell me if anything were to happen.

That's outrageous from your BIL and not easily forgiven. It's clear that your SIL has been influenced by her fiancé and you are being held responsible.
I would not allow anyone that called my child a bastard to take them out, free vouchers or not. I would be protecting my child from him.
There are some mixed signals from you though, allowing the man that called your child a bastard to take them out. Yet you were not happy about your husband being best man.

I wouldn’t be upset, actually relieved to be honest. You can all now match your energy accordingly with no worries.

Who knows, I can’t believe I didn’t do anything when it happened.

It sounds like an insufferably horrendous evening. Count your blessings.

So your BIL called your baby a bastard not once but twice and you didn’t say anything at the time or ever? And then as a result of this your DH has refused to be his best man but he hasn’t told him the reason why, but you’re upset your future SIL hasn’t invited you to her hen do? I think that’s the least of your worries.

@Notquitethetruth
So overall it’s been best to let it lie. My children have an extra family member, god forbid something were to happen to us the more people in their corner the better right?
He’s never been unkind to them, it was a comment directed to me and ultimately no harm was caused to my then baby.
It’s been a bone of contention within my marriage that husband did nothing at the time and the best man thing brought it all up again. I think this is why I’m overly sensitive to the hen do invites.

This is not going to be Ops sister in law. It will be the Ops husband's SIL. They barely know each other so why on earth would there be an invitation to the hen party.

Depends if you are close or not - if you are, I’d be a bit miffed.

Whilst on the whole I’ve let it go, I wasn’t happy for my husband to play the role of best man.

Well OBVIOUSLY you aren't going to get invited to the hen do when you thrust your oar in to prevent the groom's brother from being best man!

I can't believe your husband went along with that.

Then again, my sons' bastardy has been a source of some teasing for years and none of us raised an eyebrow.

We chose to have children before getting married. Presumably you did too. We're happy with that decision, why get all sniffy about it?

Not her mum…re read…it’s her husband’s brother getting married.

her husband and his parents are going to events…she, as SIL to both the groom and his stb bride, isnt

in my book that’s a different ball game, then it being her brother’s wedding…

it is actually quite common to invite SIL

I agree OP - think its bit of a snub, same happened when my now SIL had her hen party, what was even worse was that she lived across road from our homeplace been with my brother since 16 and would have spent alot of time in our homeplace at dinner etc. I know a few of her friends di say it to her too that they thought it strange. Dont let it get too rise above it, just nod and smile with her but i wouldnt be making a huge effort . Just enjoy the day

not her brother’s wife…her husbands brothers wife. That’s the difference here

Yes i am aware of that i was just saying my experience of similar - when my husbands brother got married i was invited to his now wive's hen party. My Sisters husband's brother getting married end of year hen party end of the month she is invited so it is normal

Unless you are close friends why would you expect an invite to a hen party?