AIBU to feel snubbed not being invited to future SIL's hen do

[NewGoldFox]

Bil and future sil hen and stag dos are on the same day. My oh, mil and fil have been invited, I’ve not been.

AIBU to feel snubbed by this arrangement?

Are you friends with your future SIL?

So your husband’s, brothers future wife?

Do you know her well? If not I don’t think she’s unreasonable, unless there is a back story.

No I don’t know her well, she’s been with bil for about three years now so we spend Christmas together and see each other at family dos.

I wasn’t invited to mt SILs (thank fuck, they really aren’t my thing), but I didn’t know her well and we really don’t have that much in common.

I didn’t see it as a snub at all. She’s got actual friends she wants to spend time with.

Seems a bit odd, unless you don't really know her. Apart from anything else, if your mum doesn't know many people going, you could have shared transport etc with her. Unless you live far away.

It’s a bit odd that she’s invited your MIL but not you? I’d expect all main female members of the family to be invited, providing it’s suitable for all ages ie meal/night out etc.

I’d probably answer differently if it was a destination hen weekend, where the bride only invited her closest friends/family.

Do you know of any reason why you might not have been invited?

I think it’s down to assuming I will need to stay home with my children which doesn’t sit well with me but 🤷🏻‍♀️
I wouldn’t have been upset about not being invited just that the plan is for the evening to end with the stage and hens meeting so all the family will be there bar me and my children.

Have you spoken to her or another family member about it? If that’s the reason you can tell them it’s no issue.

I don't see it as a snub at all.

She's invited her fiancé's mother to her Hen Do. He has invited his brother and father to his Stag Do. I don't think that means she should have to invite her fiancé's brother's wife to her Hen Do (which is essentially what you are to her, I think?). It's not got the same equivalence.

Yeah you have been excluded so that is shit.

I wouldn't go out of my way for BIL and SIL in future.

See how much effort they make with you in future. Don't be the one always hosting them.

I wasn't invited to my SILs hen do, but that didn't bother me and I didn't expect it.

Worse was that dh wasn't explicitly invited to his brothers stag do. He did go but had to ask his brother when it was and was given a rather offhand reply that he needed to speak to the brother's best man to get the details .

I wouldn't be upset, if we were not friendly as in seeing each other frequently, I would find it awkward. Would you go if you was invited, could your husband or in-laws have said you wouldn't go? You've mentioned that you're only upset about not being there at the end with your kids, are they of an age to attend stag and hen doo's?

I think it’s a bit odd, and slightly rude, to invite some of her in laws and not others.

Are you sure there hasn’t been a discussion with your OH about you needing to stay home with the kids?

That exact thing caused a huge row with some people I know. She was very upset not to have been invited. Then it eventually came out that her DH had said, while chatting to his brother, that she wouldn’t be able to go as she’d have the kids while he went to the stag. So her BIL & SIL thought she knew she was welcome and had turned it down basically.

The whole family will be together in the evening except OP. That is excluding OP.

If it was just SIL having a separate hen with her family and friends it would be fine not to include OP.

I don’t think my husband has declined on my behalf but maybe they wanted to ensure he would attend and not be the one home with the children.

If her own mum is going, she may have felt pressure to invite her future MIL as well. So it could be that you aren't being excluded, you would just be one in-law too far!

I don't think I'd be upset about not being invited, given you aren't close.

No they aren’t old enough, I mean they are the only other close family members not invited (because they are too young) there aren’t any other brother or sisters etc.

This! It’s not the same at all.

Why would she invite you if she hardly knows you??

To get to know me?

Do you like MIL? If not be glad you don't have to spend time with her. If you do, sort childcare and invite yourself! Just be very friendly about it 'I'm really looking forward to welcoming you to the family' etc.

I think hen and stag dos, though I loathe them and don’t wish to attend them, are for the people closest to you who you want sending you off into married life. I wouldn’t count someone I see at Christmas as someone I’m close to.

Thinking about big life celebrations (I’m already married and I didn’t have a hen do), I wouldn’t invite my SIL to something that wasn’t a couples thing with BIL too. They’ve only been together a few years and we see them like twice a year. She isn’t a close friend even though there is nothing wrong with her. She’s perfectly nice. We just are polite acquaintances at best.

I'd be pleased not to be invited to be honest.

I don't see it as a snub given you are not close.

What does your husband say?

She has excluded you, at least you know where you stand.

If you only see her once or twice a year maybe she doesn’t expect to get to know you any better than she does. I wouldn’t consider my husband’s, siblings partners to be close family. I know all families are different, but likely she just doesn’t consider that you will be a big part of her life, anymore than you are now