AIBU to feel snubbed not being invited to future SIL's hen do

[NewGoldFox]

Bil and future sil hen and stag dos are on the same day. My oh, mil and fil have been invited, I’ve not been.

AIBU to feel snubbed by this arrangement?

I think given your updates OP it is a real snub. If it really is because she thinks childcare will be an issue she should have had the decency to talk to you about this and find out if you could have arranged childcare on the night.
The fact the whole family is meeting up and you won't be there very much places you as being considered not of much importance in the family.
It doesn't bode well for when the couple are actually married.

Its not necessarily a snub, but an invite would have generated good will.

I don’t think a hen party is really the time for the bride to get to know people. It should be for her to have fun with people she is closest to. I’d guess her Mum is going so she invited MIL for that reason.

The only time the grooms sister has been at a hen party I’ve attended was when she was close to the bride. I’ve never seen the grooms brothers partner at one.

I think the relationship you have with your PILs is very different to your spouse’s sibling’s spouse.

My BIL isn’t married but I wouldn’t expect his girlfriend to invite me if they got engaged. I’ve only met her a handful of times over a few years (3 years of christmases and family events is probably about twice a year I’ve seen her). She knows my MIL much better.
And it didn’t occur to my DH that he’d be invited to my sister’s husband’s stag do either.

You don't know her well, she's not a friend.....why on earth would you be invited, OP?
If anything, I think you've had a lucky escape, and you can have a fabulous solo weekend while everyone is away.

I can see that being the only one left out would sting… but it’s your partner’s (husband?) brother’s future wife who you see once a year - you aren’t close, you’re not an active person in her life and it makes complete sense as to why she wouldn’t have thought twice about not including you. It was not a personal attack, more so just a reflection of the lack of relationship.

You want to be invited to the hen do of someone you arent close to because the hen and stags will meet up and family will be be together? Do you think that the family shouldn't ever meet up without inviting you along?

Thinking back it’s the second time something like this has happened. When they got their home together they invited the in-laws for Christmas Day and I was really surprised as previously we had always invited the in-laws, bil and his then partner as I wouldn’t have left them out.

I completely agree. I wouldn’t see it as a snub; if you’re not friendly with her, then you’re probably just an in-law one step removed and so haven’t been included. But that’s a different thing from being excluded, if you see what I mean?

I didn't invite my future SIL on my hen do and she wouldn't have expected to have been invited. hen dos aren't for building friendships in my eyes, they're for really solid existing relationships.

Her hen do isn’t for her to get to know you, it’s for her to have fun with her friends and family.

I do think it's odd that she wouldn't invite her future SIL yeah, it would be pretty usual to do that in my circles anyway

I think it’s a bit mean that fil and mil will meet up, bride and groom to be will meet up and I won’t be there to meet up my my husband.

That’s not what hen dos are for.

Yes I suppose this is her view and that’s fine. I was only surprised I wasn’t invited when I found out mil was.

Think I’m just a bit sensitive to things like this.

The groom’s whole family will be there. Not the whole family plus his in laws, which is what OP is.

Your not her husbands to be sibling but your married to her partners brother she hardly knows you and your a stranger who sees twice a year. You also have children so why would you be upset about you and dc being excluded? Bizarre you think your children should attend children dont attend hen dos. If you had be a close relative such as her partners sister even then your dc wouldnt be invited, but your just being hardwork and being unreasonable

It’s not about your husband though…it’s his brother’s stag.

I feel like you’re creating reasons to be upset now. You referenced that previously you included IL, BIL and his former girlfriend… and you’re upset that his current partner didn’t invite you on Christmas, as in the past (when she wasn’t present and had no knowledge of this event or how inclusive you are) you invited BIL and BILs former girlfriend? She isn’t doing anything wrong by doing things differently to how you would do them.
Focus on the positives and work on building a relationship gradually and over time perhaps a more familial relationship will emerge.

I changed to unreasonable and made it 50/50(!) when I saw a previous poster explain this is your BIL's future wife.

She has no relation to you (isn't BIL/SIL just for the brother/sister of your OH) and then add that you only see her once or twice a year, briefly. Why on earth would you be invited to her hen do?

I think it's interesting that you see this as a snub...

The groom has invited his brother and father to his stag do. Very common.
The bride has invited her future mother in law to her hen do. Again very common.

It's not, however a given that a bride would invite her future husband's brother's wife to her hen. Particularly if she doesn't really know her.

I don’t think it’s a snub, compared to her possible childhood friends, other friends, friends from university and or work, cousins she is close to she hardly knows you. It may be different if you had a relationship other than seeing her ar Christmas etc and you are friends and have coffee etc (I have this with 2 of my SIL’s but it took time).
Over the years you may become close but you aren’t at the moment.

Why don't people understand that not being included is not the same as being excluded?

They are entitled spend time with your dh family without you and your dh, they might have a smaller house or just wanted to spend time with inlaws you sound controlling.

I wasn’t saying the children should be invited, just saying they are the only other immediate family members who aren’t invited - because they are children.