Why are my children always the ones crying and miserable at birthday parties?

[Coldcoffeekindamorning]

Honestly, what am I doing wrong? Always the ones crying and screaming when we leave. I give them count downs etc, I try to be patient and calm but they are always crying when it's time to go home and I honestly can't take it anymore. My 7 year old has always been like this, it just honestly has ground me down so much over the years. I dread going to them. What am I actually doing wrong because all the other kids seem to handle it fine? I know that the other kids have their off days but mine seem to have an off day every single bloody party.

A couple of things I learnt on courses for parenting my nd child that might help are 1. Social stories 2. The incredible 5 point scale.

Both require a bit of work rather than a quick fix

Does she have a weighted blanket?

Is she allowed drinks after 6pm?

Have you considered melatonin - ask your doctor but be prepared for a look of shock and horror. It's available otc in other countries in concentrations ranging from 1mg to 10mg.it can help develop the habit of drifting off to sleep within half an hour of hitting the pillow.

The inability to easily fall asleep and stay asleep is a huge problem. You need to pester the GP about it.

I only mentioned the teachers not noticing to explain how hard it can be to pick up girls and autism. I didn't mean to suggest it was their responsibility. It is worth mentioning because the OP has assumed there can't be an issue like asd because school haven't mentioned it but frankly teachers tend only to notice behaviour and ability issues and a well behaved, academically able child WILL probably fly under the radar at primary.

But anyway I think it should be a go to in cases like this. Why not explore it as a possibility? Autism in girls does exist. Why not at least exclude it? Imagine if your child is autistic and you have been punishing her in the mistaken belief that she is just being a brat.

Wow great insight 🙄 Neurodivergent adults are ‘normal’ too you know.

There is a wide spectrum and the one thing I will say is that it sounds like your DD is masking at school op hence the exhausted meltdowns after school. If she doesn’t meet the threshold of intervention it may be a case of using your own strategies to mitigate situations for her. Just as an observation, several friends kids with ADHD seem to struggle with getting to sleep and then wake up early. Girls/women with ADHD can also successfully mask and the behaviour is different to boys hence why it is easily missed.
Edited to add that they are all girls, which is why I mention it.

I have wondered about adhd as DD does have an almost incurable energy. She is always in motion and is at her best when she is outside all day running around. When we were on holiday during the summer she was walking around 10km a day and didn't complain once! She also doesn't really like watching TV, she would always choose to be doing something rather than sitting still. This is actually what I approached her teacher about initially and when I told her about the big emotions at home, she basically said that it was probably just DD decompressing from the day. She did say that DD gives 100% at school so was not surprised she was tired when she got home. A few months later she caught me to say that when reading that she was skipping ahead but couldn't say exactly what that might be. I talked to a ASN? teacher at parents evening because of it but again she didnt see any problems with it.

It is really frustrating and I'm not quite sure what else to say to get them to listen?

@mathanxiety I tried your method of putting problems in different categories today when she started to spiral today over something very small (seeing an upset looking toy in the supermarket no less!) and it really helped so thank you. Will see how if I can manage this when a bigger issue arises