AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

[derFutterneid]

I have been working somewhere for nearly 10 years, after being a SAHM. I loved my job, but the company has gone through many restructures and it has changed completely.

Over the past 2 years we have had many redundancies and people not replaced. As a result my workload has massively increased. On top of this many of my colleagues have sought out doctors notes, and other things to exempt them from certain tasks. I have been given this extra work too. This has caused me a lot of stress. It also affects others and a few of my work colleagues are now on antidepressants or have left. Our staff turnover is horrendous. People are leaving with no job to go to. Everyone is unhappy and it is a toxic environment.

Anyway, I had my appraisal and it went OK, but afterwards I realised I had been downgraded. I asked some of my colleagues, not directly, but they confirmed they received higher. I was really upset about this, as I'd say I was one of a few people who do the lions share. I even manage the department when there is no manager. Since my boss is on holiday I asked the next level up (it is usual to escalate to this person) about my appraisal.

What then followed has really shocked me. I was told that it had been agreed amongst them to downgrade me as whilst my work was excellent and appreciated, I had a bad attitude and my behaviours are not aligning with what they list as what we should be demonstrating. Apparently people say hello to me, and I have my head down and barely acknowledge them or I am in a mood and people tread on eggshells around me. I am a thorn in the managers side, and I bring problems to the manager but not solutions. I am abrupt. I was totally shocked by this because in the 30 years that I have been working, and the many appraisals I have had, I have never had this feedback. In fact I have constantly been told I am very popular and respected and a go to person if someone needs help. I have never worked with this manager. It felt like a character assassination.

Some points;

I asked for some specific examples, but they could not name one.

I have never had a complaint made about me by a customer, or by a colleague in 10 years.

Apparently I am too outspoken, but they specifically asked me to join a group of staff to talk about branch issues. I asked to step down from this and was asked to stay as my opinions are valued. After one meeting the head of the company told my manager that they were really impressed with how I professionally handled myself. Seeing me upset, a friendly manager told me that I had pissed off one of the managers by questioning something, and that the company ask for my opinion, but don't always like the answers.

In this company, I have had at least 18 appraisals and mid years, and not once have I ever had feedback on my attitude. There is no history of this whatsoever.

Now, I am not disputing my attitude and behaviours. However I asked them to put it into context. I am covering a very large portion of the workload. I have asked to reduce my hours, and change my days (there is one week a month where I work 7 out of 8 days in a row). I come home stressed out and crying. I have raised concerns numerous times about my workload and improving my work life balance. These have all been rejected as we are short staffed and it doesn't suit the business. I asked to move department and they have said no. So, with that in mind, yes I look stressed, I look unhappy, I may not be skipping along saying hello to everyone. However, no one has complained about me, neither staff member or client.

Apparently they have observed this about me for a while, and my manager should have addressed it with me, but they did not. Even though I spent an hour and a half in my appraisal. Apparently they are too scared of me. I am in my 50's and they are in their late 20's.

FYI this is a minimum wage job. I do have another PT job which I can increase the hours. I don't really need the money, but I saved and invested all that I earned and felt I was contributing to my household and our future.

This manager suggested that I get my manager and a couple of other managers who also work along side me in a room and they tell me bluntly about my attitude and behaviours, I can then go away, reflect on it, and come back acting differently. I don't really like the sound of this!!!

My DH is not being very supportive about me leaving. He says I shouldn't till I get another job, but I just don't see how I can stay if this is what they think of me. My adult DC say that I am going to end up having a heart attack or stroke and it is not worth it.

AIBU to be upset, or is this kind of feedback normal?

What would you advise me?

What's stopping me leaving;

The money was invested and it feels good.
I like to be busy, and have structure to my week.
I'm in my 50's, it'll be hard to get another job. However, I do have another job that I enjoy and I can develop (I am a pilates instructor)

Just found this thread today and read all your posts with great interest as am same age, maybe a few years older but been in a boiling a frog situation at work for many years.

All I can say is that you have definitely done the right thing, all that work and stress for NMW!!!!!! I can't leave because my 20 years there has meant I would never earn as much elsewhere, if I was on NMW I would!

They will be so sorry once you go and all the work you cracked on with doesn't get done. Wishing you the very best of luck, there are so many jobs a grafter like you can do.

Nothing. Nothing is stopping you leaving. Let the management staff, deal with the fallout, hand your notice in and increase your hours in your other role. This company sounds like a clown show, it's not worth your health.

I was in a similar situation many years ago and ended up in hospital with a heart condition, which was caused by stress. I took early retirement and haven't looked back. I suspect that your line manager feels threatened by you. If they had issues with you, these should have been raised earlier and not at your appraisal. If you were having 3 monthly supervisions, this would have been the time for them to raise any concerns that they had or at the time of any incident. I think you know you need to move on. I appreciate that this may be easier said than done. The company sounds very toxic and do not appear to deal with their staff in a professional and caring way. Go and work for someone who will appreciate your hard work. Good luck x

Hmm sounds like they're going to be seeking redundancies and you'd be more expensive. I wonder if its worth contacting ACAS and check out constructive dismissal. You're in a horrible position with shit managers.

OP you’ll get the last laugh. Once you leave they’ll realise how much you actually do. Don’t be knocking your pan in, in the days you have left. Let’s see how smiley they are picking up the work of two leavers? Next time the Manager gives a smiley wavey hello 👋 match their energy with an even bigger hello and smile. Purely to not give them a rise by showing it annoys you 😉. Their loss all round so enjoy your new chapter.