Was she right to expect dinner?

[openmouth]

I had a friend over the other day we are both mid 20s she is actually a good friend from school but we don’t get to see each other as much as we went to different uni and different areas and so when we have got together it’s usually been a night out rather than to the flat which I’ve only recently moved to.
Anyway I invited her over for 4:30 and she came and I offered some snacks and wine and she said no I will wait until after dinner and laughed or it will go straight to my head.

I hadn’t said anything about dinner so I was surprised when she asked what we were having but it wasn’t a problem I just made a quick tuna salad and offered a jacket potato but she was fine with just the salad and enjoyed it.
She is absolutely not the cheeky sort so it was obviously just misunderstanding but it just got me thinking do people usually assume dinner if they are invited over that time as I was just thinking wine and catch up but she did stay until about 8 so it worked having eaten.
I know we should have communicated better but it wouldn’t have occurred to me to mention it as I had only meant for drinks and hadn’t intended to serve a meal, not that I minded but don’t usually host dinner
She did bring wine and I know her well enough to know she would cringe if she knew it was a mix up.

Yes, if you invited me over to your house late afternoon/early evening, I would expect that you'd be making me dinner.

Hmm, with 4.30 as a time it’s a bit unclear.
Usually 3pm means tea and cake where I am, any later than 5.30 definitely means a meal.

Unless you were planning on kicking her out at 6 so you could cook, surely you were planning on feeding her?

I’d expect tea and biscuits. Nice of you to give her supper, tho.

430 is and awkward in between time. I usually eat at 6 (I'm apparently a child) so for a cup of tea fair enough - I'd expect to hang out for an hour or so and then go eat. But if it's a proper catch up then it's definitely going to be dinner time.

430 and drinking wine i would absolutely expect to eat. How long were you planning on spending with her? Given that you don't see her that much

I think it would all depend on how you worded the invite. If you said drinks and nibbles then no. If you said call over for a catch up then maybe. Particularly if she is a person who has their dinner at 5pm.

If it’s someone you don’t see often and you are meeting for a proper catch up then inviting at 4.30 was where you went wrong. I would assume a meal would be involved at that start time

That’s a really odd start time to have someone over. Yes I would assume dinner.

Really it needs to be 3pm if you want them out before dinner time!

4:30 is a bit of an odd time. If you’d usually met for a night out in the past it’s understandable she thought this was for dinner. This would imo be reinforced by you offering wine rather than tea or coffee at this time of day.

I think unless you specifically told her it was a dinner invite I think thats really presumptuous.
4.30 is afternoon tea time so yes expecting tea and cake would be normal.

Certainly bringing a bottle of wine seems weird - does she have a drinking habit? A cake or a box of nice biscuits would have seemed a normal offering from a guest asked round at afternoon tea time, not wine.

It’s a bit of a weird time tbh.
I wouldn’t expect dinner unless the host explicitly said “come for dinner”.

A 4.30 slot without dinner would be quite a short visit though, so if she was expecting a good catch up I can see why she thought she would be there over dinner time, and so dinner would be provided.

A bottle of wine is entirely normal for someone who thinks it’s a dinner invitation. It’s the OP offering wine in the afternoon without proper food which is odd!

4.30pm is that in-between time, a bit too late for tea and cake and a bit early for dinner. If she’d been invited for 5/5.30pm I’d deffo think dinner was on the cards.

What time did you think she’d go home? I wouldn’t expect drinks at 4.30 but no food to be honest. Maybe tea and cake?

I think the whole thing is odd tbh.

I don't know what time people have dinner but 4 30 is incredibly early for ut in my world. I don't see why she would have assumed dinner.

And her bringing wine and OP offering wine makes it sound like one of those friendships that only works if its lubricated with alcohol because otherwise they can't communicate with each other

I would definitely have expected dinner, just because she arrived at 4.30pm it doesn't mean she's expecting the meal sitting on the table when she arrived. She probably assumed she'd be there for a bit and maybe eat around 5.30/6pm. That's how I'd do it, I wouldn't expect a guest I hadn't seen in a while to survive on some snacks for the whole evening, although 8pm is very early to leave maybe she was starving.

If I was going to a friend's house at this time I would expect them to mention food, be it them providing it or us going out for it. If I invited someone at this time I would assume they would expect dinner unless they mentioned otherwise. I would ask them what they'd like to eat, and say something like 'I'll cook XYZ is that okay?' I think it very odd that neither of you thought to mention it!

If they have a commitment at 16:30 that doesn't have an end time, I'd expect them to be wanting food somewhere between then and about 20:00. As you were expecting to be at your flat for at least a couple or hours then yes, normal for food to be involved (or if you couldn't provide it, to mention such to let them know).

I eat about 7/7.30 so if there was no sign of food I'd have been leaving then as I'd have been hungry. If I'd hung on till 8 and you'd kicked me out with no food I'd have been very hungry (even though I know 8pm is a perfectly normal time for some people to eat food...)

Slightly odd timings though - I wouldn't have assumed I was getting fed - but if you'd invited me for 6pm I would have assumed food was involved.

I wonder if I've inadvertently ended up being fed at people's houses or not fed people who were expecting fed....

I also love my wine but I wouldn't expect to be drinking wine at that time, unless it was an actual dinner 'date'! It kind of ruins the rest of the evening,unless you're the sort who goes to bed very early I suppose.

I wouldn't want a glass of wine at 4.30pm, to me that is coming over for a coffee territory but obviously everyone is different! If just doing drinks I'd normally invite friends over about 8ish and be clear they should have eaten first.

I think it is an ambiguous time. How long were you expecting her to stay? Presuming you were catching up for a couple of hours then I would also assume there would be something more substantial than snacks planned.

If you were inviting a good/old friend around for wine and it started at 4.30pm, I would expect to be there for a few hours so I think dinner would be reasonably expected as the socialising would extend to the early evening. I would certainly prepare dinner for a friend that was coming round then as default. I would expect to feed my friend with either a nice meal or at the very least some plentiful, wholesome snack food (not just crisps or nuts or something). Unless there was a prior agreement that she would be leaving at 6 or something, then I'd assume she'd be staying into the early evening at least

Yes, why did you invite her over at 4:30pm? Tell her to come at 2pm if you dont want to serve dinner. Or meet out somewhere

where you hoping she would sod off after 2 hours?

I agree, it depends on what the plan was for how long she'd stay. Just an hour or so then no dinner required. If you were inviting her for the evening then yes, a meal should be provided, or order a take away. Can't really be drinking too much alcohol on just snacks (or I couldn't anyway).