Was she right to expect dinner?

[openmouth]

I had a friend over the other day we are both mid 20s she is actually a good friend from school but we don’t get to see each other as much as we went to different uni and different areas and so when we have got together it’s usually been a night out rather than to the flat which I’ve only recently moved to.
Anyway I invited her over for 4:30 and she came and I offered some snacks and wine and she said no I will wait until after dinner and laughed or it will go straight to my head.

I hadn’t said anything about dinner so I was surprised when she asked what we were having but it wasn’t a problem I just made a quick tuna salad and offered a jacket potato but she was fine with just the salad and enjoyed it.
She is absolutely not the cheeky sort so it was obviously just misunderstanding but it just got me thinking do people usually assume dinner if they are invited over that time as I was just thinking wine and catch up but she did stay until about 8 so it worked having eaten.
I know we should have communicated better but it wouldn’t have occurred to me to mention it as I had only meant for drinks and hadn’t intended to serve a meal, not that I minded but don’t usually host dinner
She did bring wine and I know her well enough to know she would cringe if she knew it was a mix up.

Although I have popped over to my neighbours for a quick glass of wine in the afternoon and not expected a full dinner, but that's because it's literally next door!

At 4:30, I would expect tea and cake/biscuits, and be gone by about 6:30.

At 4.30 I'd expect a cup of tea and something to eat such as a slice of cake or a biscuit. Not wine. I wouldn't expect to stay for dinner.

You'd have eaten your dinner before leaving for a 4.30pm meet up? So dinner at 3.30pm or similar? I can't ever imagine being able to eat dinner then, it's only a couple of hours after lunch.

A 4.30 meet up, I'd assume dinner was a given if I'd been invited round for the evening (and to me the consumption of wine would indicate 'making an evening of it'). Otherwise I'd expect a cup of tea and a biscuit & to be on my way home in an hour or so I could get back to put my own dinner on.

Possibly pp may have meant she had a late lunch, or something a little more substantial first.

Really? A good friend that you don't see that often, that you don't live near, and that when you do meet up you usually "make a night of it" - you would expect to be gone two hours after you got there?

4.30 is a funny time. I think if you invite people into your home you'd expect them to stay at least 3 hours, so then are they meant to go home a bit drunk and start cooking their dinner?

I don't eat until 8.30 but most people eat earlier than that. When I was a child 'tea' was on the table at 5.30 on the dot.

I think you should be clearer what the offering is - "come round at 4.30 for drinks/tea and cake/dinner" otherwise it leads to confusion.

Yes at that time I would expect dinner. Just be clearer next time.

What did you have in mind? 4.30 for me would be tea and biscuits if just a short visit. If it's beyond 6, you'd surely make dinner plans? It's an odd time so I'm surprised neither of you discussed a plan.

Anyway, you managed to feed her and all fine, so I wouldn't worry about it!

Exactly that, I’d have hasd a late lunch or a good snack beforehand.

You invited her for 4.30pm, how long did you expect her to be there? At least a couple of hours, surely? Which takes you to 6.30 - 7pm, by which time most people would either have eaten or be about to eat their evening meal.

It's a bit of an odd time for an invite.

If you invite someone over at 4.30 yes I would expect dinner.

If someone invited me over at that time and we expected I’d stay longer than a couple hours, then I’d assume we’d eat a meal.

I wouldn’t assume you were cooking though but assume we’d at least order a takeaway or go out for a meal.

At the very least I’d assume substantial snacks/light meal like crackers or sandwich or something.

Unless a night of it was spoken about, or plans made for food, I would assume on this occasion, that a short meet up was intended.
When I meet up with long distance friends, plans are generally, properly communicated.

Who made those rules??

A 430pm invite - id expect dinner

Sounds like many an afternoon/ evening meet up with a late friend of mine. Often finished with a visit to the local curry house 2 mins walk away

I actually think this is less a misunderstanding about whether dinner was offered but a misunderstanding about the level of friendship/type of catchup expected.

For an old friend who I hadn't seen for some time and didn't live nearby I'd expect to have a good catchup lasting a a few hours. not for them to pop in fairly briefly for a cup of tea or glass of wine and then go away again. it sounds like she thought you were down for a proper catchup, and you didn't.

I doubt any posters were upset.

Agreed and life is full of misunderstandings/miscommunications/assumptions etc and the OP made the best of it.

What were your plans for eating? Was you going to kick her own when you had dinner or eat it whilst she was there? Or did you plan on drinking wine on an empty stomach and not having any dinner?
You are a bit of an in-between age. When I was late teens and early 20s I'd probably do the day drinking and no eating but most people get to an age where they learn that's not a good idea! Your friend is obviously there as she said she would wait for dinner before drinking.

Id say come over after dinner say 7 for wine and catch up.
Just a mix up id say.

What time do you normally eat? When would you expect her to leave.?
if someone came at 430 I’d assume we were eating but i eat 5/6ish .

Yes, you should have supplied dinner. Attending at 4.30pm for a catch up, an hour and a half later is around dinner time. Did you intend to turf her out at 6pm? If not, make dinner! Not exactly difficult, pizza and salad or an M&S microwave Indian would be fine!

I would expect a meal.