Was she right to expect dinner?

[openmouth]

I had a friend over the other day we are both mid 20s she is actually a good friend from school but we don’t get to see each other as much as we went to different uni and different areas and so when we have got together it’s usually been a night out rather than to the flat which I’ve only recently moved to.
Anyway I invited her over for 4:30 and she came and I offered some snacks and wine and she said no I will wait until after dinner and laughed or it will go straight to my head.

I hadn’t said anything about dinner so I was surprised when she asked what we were having but it wasn’t a problem I just made a quick tuna salad and offered a jacket potato but she was fine with just the salad and enjoyed it.
She is absolutely not the cheeky sort so it was obviously just misunderstanding but it just got me thinking do people usually assume dinner if they are invited over that time as I was just thinking wine and catch up but she did stay until about 8 so it worked having eaten.
I know we should have communicated better but it wouldn’t have occurred to me to mention it as I had only meant for drinks and hadn’t intended to serve a meal, not that I minded but don’t usually host dinner
She did bring wine and I know her well enough to know she would cringe if she knew it was a mix up.

Yes, inviting at 4.30pm I would be expecting to make or buy dinner.

Agree.

Yes, I would have served dinner or got a takeaway.

That’s so weird of her to expect dinner. I would never think that unless the person had literally messaged me saying ‘do you want to come over for dinner?’.

I wouldn’t expect food unless someone has explicitly stated it beforehand and then I’d offer to bring drinks and dessert or depending on the timings I might suggest sharing a takeaway

Yes, she was right to expect a meal.

It's really not weird.

Much weirder to invite someone you don't see very often and lives at some distance away to effectively pop in for an hour or so.

If it's a friend who lives round the corner, then rather different.

Dinner is at 8pm or later where I live so an invitation to come over at 4.30pm would most definitely not be an invitation to dinner or even an alcoholic drink but rather to tea/coffee. I think these things are culturally dependent (what time are meals in your neck of the woods).

At 4.30, I would expect someone to leave by about 7 before I started cooking, unless I had specifically mentioned them staying for a meal.

4.30 unless you told me we’d have a quick tea or coffee would insinuate a dinner as you’d be there until about seven and dinner to me is between 5 and 7. Well done for pivoting though, I’m the worst host and would have panicked !!!👏👏👏

It's a weird time. If you planned on drinking I'd expect food too at this time of day.

So if I was expecting a good catch up with someone id would expect to arrive at 4.30 and booted out by 6. As for bringing a bottle of wine, that's just good manners Where do you get she has a drink problem

4.30 is too early for wine in my world…

It’s an awkward time to invite someone round really and everyone eats dinner at different times. We have ours around 6 so I would expect to be fed if it was a proper catch up and not just a drop in.

I think the 4:30 does indicate you would eat together. Whether that would you making something or getting a takeaway.

I think if she had actually been invited to dinner at a time considered normal for dinner then of course a bottle of wine would be a usual and welcome gift.

As OP hadn't mentioned anything about dinner to bring a bottle if wine at what is obviously the time considered high tea time is totally not appropriate unless the friendshiprealkly is based on alcohol.

Tbh I think taking a bottle of wine to drink at tea time , unless you are totally aware that the person you are giving it to is happy to start drinking in the late afternoon is pretty tone deaf. So many people really are now trying to live alcohol free or cut down on their drinking.

How far did she have to travel?

If it's half an hour or more and at someone's home, at that time I'd expect dinner - but offer to bring dessert.

Nice to give her dinner. Supper is after 9. Just being picky. Had a whole conversation re serviettes v napkins with a friend a few weeks ago (it's serviettes).

She was wrong and rude to expect dinner, if you did not expressly said 'Come to dinner on Thursday'. If she suddenly realised she was hungry, she could have said 'You know what? I fancy a takeaway - shall I order some for us'? To which you could have responded - no need, I shall rustle up a salad!

I think adults tend to eat dinner later so I wouldn't have expected dinner. When I invite if I don't want to make meals, I'll say to come after lunch, or for snacks and tea, or whatever. I find this works well.

I would have expected dinner too.

4.30pm is a really odd time

The host had wine too.
Do they both have a drink problem?
Is that what you really think that 2 friends getting together for a rare catch up have a drink problem if they're drinking wine?

Yes I would expect dinner, unless of course you're the type to boot someone out after 2 hours.

It is isn't it. I wouldn't have expected dinner as it would be too early and I don't make assumptions unless specifically invited for "dinner." I would have assumed I'd be leaving by 6.30ish if dinner hadn't been specifically suggested. I would have said thanks for the invite, I'll leave before dinner if I wasnt sure what was happening, or I'll get away and let you get your dinner. Then it would be up yo the host after that. I also think a couple of hours is enough, some people love to overstay, esp if just a cup of tea and biscuits